


The Fortress has Flooded

by AvaRoenel



Category: ENA - Joel G (Web Series)
Genre: AU, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, CH8- Rape Depiction, CH9 Fully Illustrated!, Characters speak different languages, Family, Illustrated, Medicinal Drug Use, Multi, Non-Consensual Touching, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, OCs - Freeform, Poor Life Choices, Rape Aftermath, Underage Drinking, general weirdness, should I tag for profanity?, some horror, the manipulation of soul energy as weapons, think Stands from JoJo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-17 09:13:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 58,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28846602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AvaRoenel/pseuds/AvaRoenel
Summary: ENA knows she is broken. She's a ruiner, a poison, and a selfish, evil girl who takes good people and hurts them. She doesn't mean it. She'd smile, be polite, and do everything to be a good student and daughter, but understood that she was a black hole and before long, her 'inside friends,' would remind her, and whoever got close of this indisputable fact.Until she oversteps a line. An incident involving broken stars creates a divide between ENA and the only girl who tolerated her. Mama and Papa are tired of teachers' complaints and emotional meltdowns. ENA wants to be good, but everything sets her off and it feels like there's nothing she can do. Her older brother Merci looks forward to attending drama school, and Papa insists that she be the one to succeed the family business from her estranged grandparents.The march towards change will challenge your heart, your body and your soul. ENA is afraid, but she'd do anything to make it up to Moony, impress her family, become stronger and one day take back control of her life.I drew a picture for each chapter, at the end. Noncon/rape warning tags are for chapter 8.
Relationships: Ena/Moony (ENA), Mother/Father Nakamura-An
Comments: 32
Kudos: 51





	1. The Few Graces of ENA

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I figured I should mention beforehand that in both the first and second chapters, ENA is briefly physically restrained by her brother and the technician. There's no handcuffs or medical restraints, just being held down when she gets upset and released afterward.
> 
> Here are some specific notes - her father uses a medicine that calms/stabilizes ENA. She's held down by a security guard and later her brother. Like in the shorts, she often has frantic mood swings and mentions wanting to die or expecting to die, so that's reflected here as well, when she's emotional. It's these mood swings that cause the restraining, and probably will again later. All of these things, save for her emotional outbursts, and portrayed as acting within reason given the situation and are accepted as such.
> 
> For whoever's not bothered by this, please enjoy!

Moony was mad. "I've had enough with you!" She said snappishly. Her face had taken on a reddish tint and her voice echoed from her craters so that it sounded mighty. "You're always doing things like this, and now look what you've done! People will think that _I'm_ mannerless by hanging out with someone who _acts_ mannerless! You lost my stars, too, and I'm still going to have to pay for them!"

ENA stepped back from her, feeling numb. "You're right." She said. "I am mannerless."

That afternoon was supposed to be nice. They were spending quality friendship time together before ENA had to do her usual thing and ruin it. Now, they were standing outside quadrant II in the Rokuma-Yondai underground shopping center, watching men in spacesuits close off the area to the public.

It started when a couple stars in Moony's room had gone through some pesky supernovas, and now she was looking at a trip to the store to pick up some vials of wildly burning gas to replace them. She asked ENA to go with her. Because it was Moony, ENA didn't have to give it much thought when she volunteered her arms. She was excited to spend the day with her favorite upperclassman friend, even if it was just by carrying some glass vials through the mall.

That's what she had been doing until something very very nice caught her eye. It was being sold by a man with four arms sitting in the miniature jungles that grew in the hallways. All four of his hands held a special item. ENA didn't pay attention to the other three items. What sparkled like mad in her eyes was a pink bow on a toy dog's head. She knew for a fact that her name was Rosie, and she was the love interest to Daniel Dog in 'The Daniel Dog Show,' which was a public-broadcasting cartoon based on the book series by Marcasei Sarchei. She had a stuffed toy Daniel that her older brother Merci gave her when she graduated from grade two. Deep in her own heart, which was frequently torn into pieces by her convoluted mind, she knew that she would do anything for Daniel to be happy.

Rosie was gripped tightly in the hands of the seller so that her head tilted to the side. Her glass eyes shone in the light like they were covered with tears. It saddened ENA to think that Rosie was hurting, being treated in such a mean way. Really _really_ made her sad. Men should be gentle to ladies, said her Mama when Merci pushed her down a hill in a tire that time. Papa said that he could have pushed harder, aimed better and ENA could have steered smoother and maintained posture. Papa would have chaperoned them, but he had to pick up Merci from practice with his theater club, and after that, he needed to visit the bank. She couldn't have called him on the T-line, he had this thing recently about avoiding it, which made his advice completely out of reach. So, she had to decide on her own whether or not it was worth it to save Rosie. It wasn't like she had a lot of money, and she was already holding Moony's things. What would Moony think of her anyway? Only little kids had stuffed animals, at least in public. And only little kids liked to watch cartoons, and Moony didn't know she liked both of these things. If she bought that toy, she would have no excuses.

Daniel Dog would be terribly hurt to think that someone considered him without feelings, even more if ENA feigned not knowing about his feelings to look cool.

Papa would say that tactical retreat was sometimes not an option, and that she had to just buck up and get through it. He also once said that stuffed animals were a diversion from the experience of life's fragility.

"Are you going to buy something or just stand there?" Asked the seller in a rude tone, and ENA suddenly had no idea what to do.

It was happening again, when her thoughts tangled, and it got harder to think of something coherent. What came next was only feelings, raw and unhindered by judgement.

"Well? Blink at least - hey you, yeah...is this kid having a seizure?"

"No, sir. She's just being weird. Come on Ena, we have to go check out."

ENA tried to focus herself, to make use of her strengths and overcome her weaknesses. Since she was born, Papa taught her so much about his important family that she was connected to by blood. They were talented individuals with strengths beyond average, and her Papa wanted her to grow strong, too. She had to be strong for him, but what was she going to do about that right now?

What was she going to do?

"Hello~ Come back down with the rest of us, Ena! You're not going to freak out on me, are you?"

What would Papa say about her?

Would he say that she was useless? Couldn't keep up, a bad student, never mind a daughter? She couldn't even stay a daughter for long, not when Mr. Happy came out. Mrs. Sad was here now, which was comforting in a way. Decisions were easier made when Mrs. Sad was there to make them. Although they weren't choices that made ENA feel good, and made everyone mad at her, it was a step above standing there like an idiot, which she was anyway, but she'd rather be an idiot where it didn't inconvenience anyone else.

It was hard to do that as a creature of compulsion, something that could quickly be pushed from stability to grasping for emotional control in the span of a heartbeat.

Most easily evidenced by the shattered glass in the growing puddle on the ground, a thick cloud of steam spreading out into the air. She felt unsteady on her feet and unfocused. She remembered shouting at someone, but not who. She remembered feeling something that became everything that lit her on fire like lava pouring from a volcano, destroying all in it's path, making people jump to get out of her way as she spun and ducked and ran, preaching of her failures and giving everyone fair warning of her unpredictability and viciousness. "It would be better if it was my neck that you were crushing in your hand, instead. That way, I would be as harmless as a weed in no time at all."

The voices of the concerned shoppers returned with her senses. She looked around her, seeing many faces, stopping on Moony’s furious countenance.

Before Moony even said anything, ENA knew that she was in some bad trouble. She tried to apologize, but they had been forced out with the rest of the shoppers in the quadrant. Rosie had to be left behind to choke in fumes spread by the hazardous materials cleanup crew. She was likely then be thrown away due to not being the stock of a storefront. "Why do I have to leave?" ENA asked Moony, feeling sorry for herself. "I'm just as hazardous as the fumes in there, I should be left behind while you go. No matter where I'm going to go, I'll just be a useless body with a broken brain."

Moony swiveled round and glared at her. "Shove a sock in it, you." She barked, groaning loudly when ENA started to cry.

The Head of Security stationed at the front doors noticed they were having a hard time. He was a big head. Coming from the top was a pole with many legs that spread out around him like a spider. From his mouth was a catch-pole that took ENA's hand and pulled her out. "Miss, is this your friend?"

"Not right now." Said Moony, before they were pushed out into the tunnel leading aboveground. When the Head left, Moony started shouting. It was the kind of reaming that could tear down any person of any resilience, let alone someone weak and useless like ENA. She physically ducked. She felt like garbage and told Moony as much to perhaps give her the satisfaction of knowing that ENA learned her lesson and knew her place. It didn't work, instead making Moony even angrier, somehow.

"You're always saying that like it helps! You always do this! 'I'm useless, I'm nothing!' It's never a real 'I'm sorry!' and then you do it again! You keep hurting yourself like you expect me to pity you, but I don't! I don't even owe you anything else beyond this. I'm going, you can find your own way home." ENA tried explaining herself to Moony and promised to buy her more stars, but Moony wasn't having any of it and turned to leave, a levitating space rock that made her way out of the parking lot and up out of the tunnel, where she would find the road to catch the underground express perhaps to a new place with new stars.

Stranded in front of the shopping center, a full minute passed before it really sunk in that she was alone, and possibly for good this time. Mrs. Sad took over, guiding her to the wall where she sat down and waited for something or someone to find her and tell her what to do. Stressed to the point of nausea, she threw up a cudball, a pile of half-deleted matter buzzing on the sidewalk. Moony told her many times that she should work on keeping it in her mouth, or at least ask before regurgitating. "Why, why do I always push away the people I love?" She asked herself. Mrs. Sad would have answered her, but she quickly hid when the Head of Security crept out of the front doors.

"There it is. Wearing a new face, doesn't know it's got a littler face that reveals itself." He said, noticing the girl on the ground staring past him. "You are forbidden to leave just yet, perpetrator. I need to get in contact with your parent or guardian. You will give me their contact information and I will be in touch with them so we can have a chat together."

Because ENA was well-raised, respected her parents and didn't wish to make them more upset than they probably would be, she wiped her eyes, cleared her throat and stood up, putting on her best big-girl impression. "I understand completely, sir. My mother can be reached through the C-line, since she's probably at home now."

The Head grumbled his affirmation and lead her inside to his office. Mrs. Sad came out while ENA was following him, making the Head bring out the catch-pole again. He grabbed her by the middle, this time. "Eh...arm might come off." He growled to himself when thinking twice about his previous snag. ENA would not have taken her arm off like the end of a tail anyway but didn't want to correct him, even if she liked being grabbed around the middle by a spider-monster even less than being grabbed by the wrist.

The Head dialed Mama with one of his freaky metal claws. They spoke together, and ENA inspected the posters on the wall. She couldn't avoid it for very long, unfortunately.

It wasn't fifteen minutes when Mama came in through the door. She was wearing one of her nicer robes, the kind with the red patterns flowing down the silk to drip off the sleeves, dangling freely. The red-painted lips on her mask smiled coldly, creating a severe atmosphere. She locked eyes with her delinquent daughter, and ENA couldn't keep her gaze, preferring to be glared at while she counted the tiles on the checkered floor.

The Head and her mother chattered a little bit, with some exclamations in between, then mother took her child by the arm and lead her out. "なぜあなたが故障しているのか理解できません！医者があなたを直したと思いました！ あなたは私に愛されていないと感じますか？" (You don't even know the trouble you've gotten yourself into, Enakai Nakamura-An! Do you understand me?)

"I understand, I'm sorry, Mama."

Mama gave her a stern look, and ENA corrected herself.

"ごめんなさい 、ママ。"

"より良い。" (That's better.) She brought them outside to the beast she left tied to a pole. Papa had the car, so they were left with the animal. It was like a caballus, but not quite - the nose was too long for a caballus. It’s legs were short but strong. Riders would sit in the humps, of which there were two tall ones and one short in the middle. There were little doors on the side that Mama opened by giving the creature payment of a sweet cube. ENA held the door, and Mama entered without a word. Her long neck poked through the creature's mouth so that she could see, and her big, curly horns would not get in the way. Sometimes she even rode atop the humps to keep from getting a backache. ENA had no difficulty fitting, so she followed after through the second door. It was impossible to see one another, let alone talk, leaving ENA to worry in the middle seat. The vials should have had better protection, or she could have grabbed a basket. Or set them down instead of slipping so fast.

The car was parked in a short underground cave carved into a hillside. The house was built similarly, indicated by the mail-box on the top of a mud mound. The caballus-beast was put away as Mama pulled into the hill. "よくわからない、上手くいったと思いました。" (After we talk, you feed the car, and then the caballus.)

"はい、ママ。" (Yes, mama.)

The door guardian let them in, knowing them as it's keepers. It didn't give a candy to ENA like it usually did, perhaps reading the mood, worsening the feeling of dread as they both entered the mudroom to be greeted by the rest of the family.

Papa was the first to talk, but Merci was the first to act. "Yayoi, καλώς ήρθατε πίσω. Έχω ήδη ετοιμάσει δείπνο. Ο γιος σου πρόκειται να κάνει την εργασία του. Αυτή τη στιγμή, πρέπει να μιλήσουμε με το παιδί μας." (Welcome home, mother. I've got some words ready for the youngest, the oldest will need to be away in the meanwhile, look.)

The step-brother was fussing over his sibling, taking her by the shoulders and looking into her eyes. "내 눈을 봐, 사랑하는 여동생. 당신은 완전하거나 분리되어 있다고 느끼십니까? 계속 가면 상황이 나빠질 것이라고 경고했습니다! 하지만 준비했습니다. 나중에 봐요." (ENA, I've been waiting! Step-dad told me all about it, you're in for some trouble! You should probably find someplace to hide!)

Her eyes widened at his suggestion. "ああ、隠せない！それはそれを悪化させるでしょう！" (I can't hide it, that will make it worse!)

Merci clicked his tongue and shook his head before reaching out to hug her. She squeezed him back, aware of parents watching. She wasn't supposed to be hugged, she was in trouble! Their opinion of her was likely soured even more, now, but she couldn't push away her brother when the feeling of being hugged soothed the ache in her heart. "오, 그래도 날 이해 못 하시나요? 괜찮아요, 적어도 제가 이렇게하면 이해하실 겁니다." (Well, suit yourself, but I'm going to hide. Try not to die out there, sis!)

"兄さん、生きることを約束することはできません。しかし、私はあなたのためにしようとします。" (Brother, I can't promise to live. But I will try, for you.)

Merci smiled, even if it wasn't as complete or honest as he might have thought it looked. "감사." (Thanks.) He left the room, squeezing her hand real quick before he did.

As soon as he left, Mama took her into the sitting room. Papa switched off the T.V. as he was heading for the kitchen. When the C-line started to beep, he paused, backed up a couple paces, and frowned at the caller I.D. ENA could hear him grumble as she took her place across from her mother at the low-standing table. Instead of chairs, they sat on pillows, each with a design indicating its owner. Mama made them herself, ENA's had one half blue and the other yellow. Over the years, the stuffing had been replaced a few times, but the stitching never came loose, and it was never uncomfortable to sit on.

"あなたが私を理解しないことを私は知っています。とにかく、いくつか言いたいことがあります。長くはかからないでしょう、私たちは食べることができます、そしてあなたは後であなたの兄弟に加わることができます。" (So, we can start with explaining what happened. Tell me what was going through you mind when you caused the mall to evacuate, possibly costing those stores money.)

Papa brought the special dinner bowls over, accounting for Merci. "Για τον κ. Happy, γιατί ξέρω ότι του αρέσει το πικάντικο φαγητό, αλλά δεν το κάνετε." (Your brother might come back, so this is for him.) He also set out the special silverware they never used, and the cloth napkins instead of the paper. "Ενά, θέλω να ξέρετε ότι σήμερα σηματοδοτεί άλλη μια φορά που έχετε γλιστρήσει ανεξέλεγκτα. Ο δάσκαλός σου επίσης πρόσφατα ότι δεν συνεργάστηκες κατά τη διάρκεια της ομαδικής εργασίας. Ας το συζητήσουμε μετά." (ENA, I'm very disappointed in you. I know you could do better, so why are you doing so poorly? Each day is like a new disappointment.)

The words stung deeply when they came from him. It hurt her heart so that it beat slowly, and a heavy weight covered her like a blanket. Mother reached across the table to grab her hand, likely to keep her from doing something stupid, which she was bound to do when she was so reckless and brainless. "ああ、江中井。あなたのお父さんはあなたに怒っていません。" (Lighten up, and stop making that face, it's rude.)

"ごめんなさい 、ママ。 しかし、彼は怒っているのは正しい。私はたくさんの人を傷つけました、そして今ムーニーはもう私の友達になりたくありません。" (I'm sorry, Mama. But he is right to be angry. I hurt a lot of people, and now Moony doesn't want to be my friend anymore.)

"私はそれが真実ではないと確信しています。彼女は動揺していますが、あなたが彼女を愛しているのと同じくらいあなたを愛しています。彼女はまた、あなたが今苦労していることを知っています。" (I don't blame her, after the way you acted. Like I told you before, you know better. It's always like this with your friends, you make a scene and expect them to be patient with you. Guess what? It doesn't work like that in the real world, so stop daydreaming.)

ENA tried to speak, but her throat wouldn't let her say words, and her mouth wouldn't make the right sounds. She pushed herself to try and talk, but nothing coherent came out when she couldn't keep herself from crying again. It was a nasty kind of crying this time, all snot and tears and the humiliation of not being able to stop it. It was the same disgust as if she had been caught having wet the bed.

"えなちゃん...ママはあなたを愛しています! 聞いて下さい!" (Stop that...it's not very grown up of you to cry like a child!)

She could only keep crying, getting worse when she tried to stop. Papa had to intervene when she started to dry-heave. "Αυτό είναι αρκετό, αγαπητέ μου. Θα φροντίσω τα πράγματα από εδώ." (That's enough of this nonsense. Watch, I'll fix things.) He crouched beside ENA, who looked at him through her hands. She expected it before she saw it, but in his hands was a green, glass bottle and a silver spoon. 'Tiltchman Apothecary' read the paper label, above a twee illustration of a girl on a tree swing. Seeing the bottle made ENA feel ill. Mrs. Sad shivered for ENA, and panicked. She was powerless against bad-tasting medicines, and no other stronger personality could come out to help. So, it was up to ENA to defend herself.

"パパ、そんなことしないでください！私はそれを自分の中に保持することができます、ちょっと待ってください！" (Papa, please don't do that! I can keep it inside myself, just give it a minute!)

He shook his head and sighed. "Έχεις γίνει υστερική. Επιτρέψτε μου να το κάνω αυτό, και θα είναι πολύ πιο εύκολο. Δεν θα βλάψει καν." (You've had this done before. Besides, it will make you easier to deal with. Come here young lady, and stop being a bad child.)

She watched as he poured an exact spoonful, holding it out for her to take. His gaze was strong and demanding, so that he didn't require his hands to force her to put the spoon in her mouth. She gagged but held the disgusting substance in her mouth, swallowing it as fast as she could. It stained her tongue with a foul taste unrivaled, of ingredients that would be found no-where else than drugs designed for punishment. But, like he promised, everything she was afraid of had gone away. Mrs. Sad disappeared inside her again.

"This is only temporary. Someday, you will control yourself without the medicine, but right now you're practically helpless."

ENA nodded, but only a little, so not to jostle her stomach. "Yes, Papa." She said quietly, feeling the air coming into her lungs and increasing the nausea. Then, after a couple more breaths, the twisting in her gut stopped, and all of her feelings melted together into a soup. Quiet, controlled and respectful. 

Noticing the effect, Papa smiled with satisfaction and backed up. "Good girl. Now, what happened today?"

She explained everything, withholding no detail. Her parents listened attentively, sometimes talking to each other in that silent way parents did sometimes. Soup was served, and ENA only ate because Papa made her eat. "If you don't, you'll get sick. But don't eat too much, just enough." When she finished her supper, ENA was excused. Her knees wobbled when she stood, the room tilting oddly, but she was steady enough to walk.

Papa went into his study to commit himself to his writing. All ENA knew was that it was a memoir, and none of them were aloud to touch it, let alone read it. Mama didn't have such strongly-guarded hobbies and went to wash the dishes. Before ENA left, Mama had to tell her one last thing, "私はこれのどれもあなたのせいではないことを知っています。私はあなたがよく意味することを知っています。私はあなたに何が起こっているのか心配しています。私はあなたを愛しています、それを忘れないでください。あなたの心があなたをだましても、私は何よりもあなたを愛していることを忘れないでください。" (I'm going to send you to school tomorrow, and I want you to give it a harder try. We might be considering more drastic options if this keeps up.)

ENA, desperate to leave, only nodded and took off down the hall, taking care to not trip over her feet more than twice. The light was on in Merci's room, the door cracked open just slightly. Despite how much she loved her brother and knew that he cared about her just as much, nervousness stopped her just outside, unable to knock. She was incredibly thankful that he was attentive and came to bring her in with a comforting smile. "이봐, 꼬마 야. 기분이 어때?" (Well, that's over. How did it go?) He stepped back and let her go to the bed, where she climbed up to rest on the pillows. Merci went back to the desk where he looked over his textbook.

"私はまた泣いた。それは悪かったです。" (I cried again. That was bad of me.) She stared up at the ceiling, where there were little planets orbiting around a metal ball. The saw the moon and felt worse.

ENA rolled over to keep from seeing him, but heard him pause while turning a page. "내가 그것에 대해 무슨 말을해야하는지 알 잖아 - 울면 슬픈 감정이 사라집니다. 그런 다음 그 슬픈 감정의 원인을 찾아 제거 할 수 있습니다." (That's not the worst thing in the world. It shows that you feel sorry for what you did, and if you remember this feeling, you won't be bad again.) As he spoke, she watched the posters of performers on the wall. One of them was signed by a famous guy named Petrov Amisteade. The poster was framed elegantly, the brass reflecting the light of his desk lamp.

In a couple weeks, Merci would graduate to grade twelve. For years he had planned to enter college straight away. He brought home fliers from the school counselor's office and printed off pages from his favorite universities. His dream job was in physical theater, and he was working very hard to get into a college in performing arts. That meant spending less time with ENA, but she had Moony, which made the days when he worked and studied less lonely.

Moony was in Merci's class, and he introduced them during orientation day, if only because ENA wouldn't stop following her brother around. All the rest of the students in his class were strange-looking and had more than two eyes, or less. Mama and Papa were there, but they were talking to the adults and that was boring.

"Who's this?" Moony asked when ENA didn't know her yet. She glowed even in the light, yellow and bright like the moons she saw in the sky at night. Her eyes were sharp, and her sternly inquisitive voice was scary sounding coming from someone big and beautiful. "There's a limpet on your left arm, guy. Should I put salt on it? To sizzle it like a slug?"

ENA thought about how she was a limpet, which was like a clam that her Papa showed her once at the beach. Limpets stick to rocks. They were tiny and cute, but if they grew big enough, you could eat them. ENA did not want to be eaten. She thought of being chewed up and digested by a moon, who could hold infinite, unending darkness inside. This was not a good fate, and she'd still defend herself with this. The puzzled teens had to rush to spare themselves the embarrassment of being seen with a kid screaming and throwing punches. She wasn't even a little kid, just obnoxious, and she'd admit to it before anyone else would get the chance to say it first.

"Calm down, I wasn't really going to sizzle you! You're not a slug, are you?" Asked the moon, who hovered just above the floor. ENA had been helped to sit down next to Merci, who brought them into an alcove where the coat racks were. "What you are is a baby! Babies don't sizzle with salt, they just pucker up. Anyway, I don't have any, let alone any arms to hold salt with. I'd need to get Mercy here to do that, but even then-"

"It's no use anyway, it doesn't take salt to get rid of me! If it died, I would have drowned in my own tears ages ago, and wouldn't that be a relief?" As she said this, she struggled to get free from the restraining hold her brother had around her, lurching like a dying fish and collapsing hard with a dramatically emotional bawling when she couldn't get loose.

"Geez, kid." The moon started, but ENA wasn't listening to her anymore. Merci had pulled her up against him, like he did at home or in the store. His arms were tight and heavy, and after a moment of shaking and contemplating how she was going to be killed after she submitted to capture, the pressure focused every moving piece inside of her into one. The moon watched them, waiting. "Is this what she does all the time?"

"예." (Yes.) Said Merci, who grabbed ENA by the chin and pointed her face to look up at his. When he got her gaze focused, he moved his left are up and down in a fluid motion, around his head, up and over. "내 손 조심해, 에나 카이." (Watch my hand, Ena-Kai). He encouraged, and she did as he suggested, holding her breath when he wiggled his fingers rapidly before swishing his whole hand around. It reminded her of a fish, or a bird flying in the air. "이제 더 좋습니다. 당신은 아직 살아 있습니다. 아무도 당신에게 소금을 부어주지 않을 것입니다." (Now it's better. You're still alive, and no-one will pour you salt.)

"So, that's your name? Ena-kai?" Asked the moon. ENA tried to get up again, and Merci was acting before she could return to thrashing, running two of his fingers down her arms, her legs, and back up. The second time, they tapped, down, down, and up, up. ENA nodded.

"I call myself ENA. Those’re my initials."

Merci rested his chin on her head for a moment, before pulling away. "네, 제 동생이에요. 에나 카이 나카무라 안." (Yes, this is my sister. Enakai Nakamura An.)

"Sister, huh?" Said the moon, as if she didn't believe Merci.

"이복 누이, 엄마가 재혼했습니다. 내 계부는 그녀를 만들었습니다. 엄마가 도와 주셨어요." (Step-sister, my mother remarried. Dad made her. Mom helped.)

"I see. I've got something similar - my real name is Munako, but everyone calls me Moony. That's just as well with me, because I'm going to be one of 'the' moons, someday. The kind that stays in the sky and light the way for everyone down below, and when I'm done being moon's apprentice, I can grant wishes, and visit dreams."

"That sounds lovely, Munako." Said ENA, wanting to be polite.

"Moony. Anyways, I was thinking...do you want to sit down in here? On my back. Once, I let your brother ride on my back while he was supposed to be running with the other kids. Since I don't have legs, I could float, and so I could go the fastest. But yeah, just reach in and it'll pull on you. To get out, just do the same. It's the crescent shape that you sit on, everything else is just space. I just cleaned in there, too."

ENA looked to her brother to ask for permission, and he nodded with a smile. "원한다면 갈 수 있습니다. 나는 밖에서 당신과 함께 할 것입니다." (You can go if you want to. I will be with you outside.) He helped her up from the floor, minding the way her legs shook, and steadied her as she stepped out into the white, empty space. The pulling feeling almost took her completely, and she jumped out quick before it could eat her alive. It was only because Merci was hanging onto her that she didn't fall into the vacuum-

"That's normal, just go. You won't go anywhere we can't see you, and you can get out just as easily. It's like a pocket."

ENA looked up at the moon, and then to her brother, who maintained this premise that all was safe. ENA didn't really believe either one of them, but she liked them, and wanted to be good and do as they said, so she tried again.

She was told later by her mother that she was the reason Moony had come over for dinner at their place; ENA was sleeping on the moon.

* * *

"ムーニーはまだ私に怒っていると思いますか？" (Do you think that Moony is still angry with me?)

"아마도. 그러나 영원히는 아닙니다. 당신이 원한다면 내일 그녀와 이야기 할게요." (Not sure. Probably. For now, we can stop thinking about it.)

"それは良い計画です。" (That's a good plan.) Growing more tired by the minute, she asked, "今夜あなたのベッドで寝てもいいですか?" (May I sleep in your bed tonight?) It felt safer than being alone in her room. If anything happened to her, Merci would be right there to fix it.

Merci laughed a bit, and ENA rolled over to look at him. "물론입니다.하지만 당신은 더 이상 작은 사람이 아닙니다. 더 큰 침대를 사야하나요?" (Certainly. I've got no-one else sleeping in my bed. Is there anything else that you need?)

ENA thought about it, but she couldn't think of anything at the moment. "はい、でも私はまだ特別なものを選んでいません。" (Yes, but I haven't picked anything special yet.)

That made him laugh louder. He closed his book, got up from his chair, and began to stretch. "글쎄, 당신은 그것에 대해 생각합니다. 나는 나의 움직임을 연습 할 것이다." (When you come up with something you can tell me. I'm going to dance before bed.) He did dance, lightly like a feather and gracefully like someone who danced before bed every night. ENA watched him, mesmerized by his skill. She tucked her hands close to her chest, wanting to hold something, and then she remembered what it was she needed.

"兄貴-" (Big brother-) she was about to say, when Merci started speaking first.

"가끔은 학교에가는 것이 걱정됩니다. 나는 당신에 대해 걱정합니다. 내가없는 동안 괜찮을까요? 나는 당신이 어렸을 때를 생각합니다. 당신이 항상 나를 필요로 할 때." (Don't forget to bring your lunch fee to school tomorrow. You still owe them money. You should be happy that dad pays for it. You eat a lot when you do eat.) He stopped in a pose and looked at her from the corner of his eye. "아직도 나를 필요로하는지 궁금합니다." (You didn't really eat much for dinner tonight.) He fell back into a relaxed position, facing her. "내가 당신을 돕기 위해 여기 없을 때 당신은 무엇을하게 될까요?" (Is there anything I can get for you?)

ENA listened, and thought about it. "虎。虎が欲しいのですが。" (Tigris. I'd like a tigris.)

This time, Merci couldn't hold himself in, and he burst out into such a joyous gale of laughter that ENA had to laugh too. "그럼 가게에서 하나 구 할게요! 또는 호랑이 나무를 방문하여 신선한 나무를 선택하십시오." (You can't eat tigres you silly girl! Nothing eats tigres except for kids who like sugary cereal.)

She would have said that Tigris Stripes had a guarantee on the box that they had less sugar than before (when, who knows?) and were part of a balanced breakfast, but she remembered something much nicer to say instead. "私は自分の考えを変えました。代わりにダニエルドッグが欲しいです。そしていくつかのクッキー。" (I changed my mind, I want Daniel Dog instead. And some cookies.)

"좋아, 다니엘과 쿠키. 그런 다음 잠자리. 내가없는 동안 잡지를 훑어 보지 마세요!" (Alright, it's up to you. You're going to eat something good in the morning!)

"はい！" (Okay!)

He left and was away for a little while. She could hear his voice, and Papa's voice, and in a minute Merci was back. He didn't seem as happy as he was before but smiled anyway. He had a plate of cookies, enough for the both of them. In his other arm was Daniel Dog, who ENA accepted happily. Still, she had to ask, "どうしましたか？" (What's wrong?)

At once, Merci changed his expression. "아무것도. 아빠가 잠시 당신과 이야기하고 싶어합니다. 그는 바늘을 가지고 있습니다." (Nothing. Papa's out in the hall. I think that he has something to say.)

Just as he said that, Papa came into the room, and holding the bottle again. On his face was this little smile that would have been charming under any other circumstance. He came to sit on the bed. ENA watched as he popped open the cap and poured out a spoonful of medicine. He said nothing, and Merci came to sit next to her, pulling her into his arms. She accepted the medicine and water, swallowing it quickly to avoid tasting the nasty liquid as much as possible.

"That's better, isn't it?" Asked Papa. 

"No." Said ENA.

Papa's expression didn't change. It hardly ever did, except when he was feeling a lot. Sometimes she wondered if Papa really felt anything. "I could hear you talking to your brother. I suppose we should increase your dosage. Besides that, I have something to say to you. Your mother and I have been thinking that you need to make a trip. We'll get you fixed up and everything will be alright again. Wouldn't that be nice?" He asked, and for good measure, handed ENA a cookie.

She didn't feel sure about it, but she wasn't about to say 'no' to her Papa. So, not wanting to set anything in stone but still be compliant, she nodded and accepted the snack.

Papa smiled, took a cookie, and left the room, closing the door behind him.

As soon as he was gone, Merci climbed into bed with ENA, shutting off the lamp beside his bed by pressing a button on the nightstand. The cookies were left on the table untouched, and the two siblings fell asleep in each others' arms. No-one said anything, not daring to break the silence for fear that if they did, something would happen that neither of them could overcome.


	2. The Insufferable Tormentors, They Enlighten Me, Lest I Suffer Even More

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains another instance of physical restraint, this time by the teacher's assistant. He uses a bad-smelling oil to get ENA to calm down, which I figured should be mentioned because it's a little morally ambiguous to do that to a student and some people might want to know when that happens before it comes up. I'll probably have one of these notes above each chapter, because even though I don't want the story to get too depressing/dark, it doesn't really improve from here in terms of 'this could probably be child abuse but no-one points it out so it's dismissed.'

On the Clioux Mesa, where the Nakamura-An family lived, you could accurately predict that the day would be like this - sunny and cloudless with high temperatures. There hadn’t been any real rain in hundreds of years, so the only water was found in underground reservoirs, which was brought into houses and buildings through a system of pipes and pumps.

The best moments of the day came when the suns and moons exchanged places. The dirt was cool, the air was comfortable. You could hear the calls of birds and see creatures in the trash bins or feeding stations, preparing for another scorching day and harsh, cold night. Kids played in the streets while their parents chatted with neighbors, everyone taking advantage of the time they could spend outside.

Pitiless, the suns always brought the day on time. When night fell, they burned out and rose again the next morning, with only that little bit of peace time to spare.

ENA could relate to that.

She stared at the ceiling, pulling the blanket up to her chin. The fan was on. The orange sunrise glowed brightly in the window.

Merci was getting dressed in the corner, pulling on a grey unitard that covered him from the neck to the feet. It was the kind that cools you down, he explained once. "So that you don't sweat to death and are still in uniform!" Right now, he removed his mask and hurriedly pulled on his striped shirt before replacing his face back on. ENA wished she had a mask. She tried asking Mama for one, because both she and Merci wore them, but Mama only laughed and said that it was a Nakamura thing, not for girls with pretty faces to show off. She was just being nice at the time, of course, but ENA would have appreciated a real answer, even if it was still 'no.'

A mask would be useful, though. Just wearing her school uniform made her want to hide her face. She was held back a few years based on the professional opinion of the teachers' board, so she wore the elementary uniform instead of the junior high girls' uniform. She often ruminated on how her (former) peers had moved on without her, at least until she could be seen in the hallways, which was when she would rather not be remembered at all. Even the kids in her grade looked at her funny if she made herself obvious.

Papa often said that he wanted to take her out of public school and enroll her in a private school, at the grade level she was supposed to be at, which by how would be grade nine. She couldn't imagine having eight other kids stare at her while she messed up her work daily, but at least she would be in the same grade. Even that would be better than hanging back in grade three every new school year, on top of the IEP meeting where the teachers' board presented graphical representations of how stupid she was. She's certain that her homeroom teacher is pushing Papa to just take her out of school and put her in a hole in the ground to learn from the sun like a plant with no brain.

"에나 카이? 아직도 우리 랑? 침대에서 나올 시간입니다." (Enakai? What are you doing? We have to get ready for school.)

"I know." She said, idly chewing on her finger. It was useless to try and pretend to be sick. Mama would find out the instant she tried to act ill, and Papa would know her plan before she could finish her first sentence. So, it was better to be blunt and say what she was thinking. The adults can only help you if you tell them that you need help, and with what, and how. Merci wasn't really an adult, but he'd get there real quick. ENA hoped he wouldn't leave her behind when he got there before she did. "But do I have to?"

"예," (Yes,) he said, and popped her on the head with a rolled-up filing folder.

"Ouch." She said.

"오, 아야. 그것은 조금도 아프지 않았습니다. 일어나, 게으른, 나는 당신이 그릴 냄새를 맡을 수 있다는 것을 압니다." (Oh, ouch. You pretend better than most of my classmates. Now, get up, this is my bed anyway. Don't you want anything grilled for breakfast?)

She did like breakfast. Grilled links were fun, little oblong purple meats. You could put small sticks in them and give them legs, so when you'd pull the first on the link, they'd do a march. Then Papa would tell her to stop playing with her food, so she'd open their backs and pour sauce inside, so that when Mama got impatient and cut her links, it would be like a cop show or the surgery show that came on early morning before the kids' channel went on air.

She missed the kids' show, today. And the surgery show. And the moment between moonset and sunrise. It's easy to want to stay in bed when someone else is there, too.

Merci got tired of waiting and yanked the blankets off. "오르기! 아니면 빈대는 당신이 여전히 주변을 맴돌고 있다는 소리를 듣고 저녁을 먹으러 나옵니다!" (Up! Run and get some links or I'll eat all of them for you and you'll get none!)

Exposed, ENA leaped like a flea and ran out of the room, "Yikes! I'll get you for that! I'll put soap in your juice!"

"네, 감사합니다! 라벤더는 제가 가장 좋아하는 맛입니다!" (No, thank you! Save the soap for yourself you grub!)

From down the hallway came Mama's voice, loud and stern, "切り取って、子供たち！朝じゃない！パパは仕事の準備をしていて、あなたの叫び声を聞きたくありません！" (Knock it off kids! Papa says that you guys waste so much time getting ready in the morning, hurry up!)

"Yes Mama!" Shouted ENA, skipping the bathroom and jogging into the kitchen.

Mama was standing over the stove, stirring an iron pot of broth that smelled like boiled animal parts.

ENA sat down at the bar. Her feet dangled from the high stool. When Papa sat on the stools, his heels touched the floor. She wondered if someday she'd be able to do that, too. Right now, Papa was loudly on the phone in his study, she heard when going downstairs. She hadn't stopped to listen, or ask. If it was important to them, he would tell them.

“Today seems like a good day.” She said, wanting to say something conversational.

"よかったね！一日中それを維持しましょう！" (It's about time! Maybe you can get through the day easier!)

"I hope so." School was never easy, but at least she had her brother and Moony.

Oh...

Merci walked in with perfect timing, and ENA indicated to him by pulling out the stool next to her and looking at him pointedly. He sat down next to her. "당신의 마음에 뭔가?" (What's up with you?)

"I don't know if I want to go to school today."

He tilted his head a little, considering it before reaching out to put some links on ENA's plate. "무니에 관한 건가요?" (Does Moony still upset you?)

She nodded. Stirring the pot, Mama hummed a nonsense song conspicuously, pretending that she didn't overhear them.

Merci patted her arm and gave her a pair of chopsticks. "나는 오늘 그녀와 이야기하겠다고 약속했다. 불안으로 인해 상처를 입지 마십시오. 그녀는 제 시간에 이해할 것입니다." (I'm going to speak with her today. Can't promise anything though. I'm going to try my best.)

"Thank you very much. I don't know if I can face her myself, yet." She heard her words, and thinking twice, she couldn't help but chuckle a little. "I'm such a fine adult, am I?"

Merci nodded seriously. "아주 훌륭한 성인. 하지만 시간을주세요, 할머니. 나는 지금 내 여동생을 좋아합니다. 아직도. 문제를 완전히 해결하려면 어쨌든 직접 그녀와 이야기해야합니다." (Only the finest. I've met many adults, ma'am. Some of them are more like kids than you. Still. You need to go to school and get an education.)

"I know." She said, even if she didn't really like that she knew. She'd just had the feeling that, like every day, she'd find some way to ruin it for herself.

Merci tapped her plate with his chopsticks. The links wobbled, untouched.

They looked each other in the face, and ENA took a link and bit off the end. Red sauce dribbled out.

She smiled.

She knew he was smiling underneath his mask, too.

* * *

Merci walked her to school just after the parade of primary schoolers walked by. Normally, Moony would meet up with them where the quarry’s dirt road lead into the paved main road, but she must have gone, or will go, by herself this time. It felt like desertion to cross the road without stopping for her, but Merci kept Mrs. Sad from taking up space by making a game of hopping on rocks.

When it rained rocks, the town management would send a crew to clean them up and bring them to the quarry, where they would be added to a big pile that the suns and moons used to climb up and down from. However, there was more downside than upsides to these crumbling behemoths. Being a mesa, the surface of the land was flat as a shelf, and you could see right across it should you look past the bushes and cacti. From a bird's eye view it would at first seem like the roads made a strange puzzle, leading nowhere but to mounds of dirt or a giant pile of stones. Being on the ground level was easier when you could read the signs, especially when you had to find which tunnel to enter to reach the underground buildings. To reach the school, they had to go almost across town, taking many three left turns and a right before reaching a wide tunnel lit by creatures with butts that glowed. Kids couldn't enter the tunnel without laughing, so the sound was carved into the walls like an echo that lasted ages.

They were halfway inside when they began to hear a rumbling sound that grew louder, coming closer. A sixteen-wheeled truck drawn by a dozen heavily-muscled beasts of burden caught up to them and rushed past with the sound of jangling chains and the growl of the animals, making a big gust of wind that gave their bodies a strong shove. "Lousy truck drivers, no caution." Merci snarled, fixing his beret after combing his fingers through his hair. ENA flattened her skirt again and kept walking, ignoring the smell of manure.

The tunnel opened into a wide lot outfitted for sports. Merci liked to hang out there and in the gym, so he could perform more taxing stunts. ENA never liked gym class. Not that she didn't like running and jumping, it was the 'being watched, judged and yelled at' part that she disliked. Horseplay was fun and she didn't want to make it a chore. She frequently visited the gym and the sports fields to be with her brother, and maybe try and imitate him as he jumped over hurdles. There was always a ball there, too, so they'd play a game between his work and her romping on the field of fake grass.

The main building was in the center of the cave. The entrance was at the top of a short staircase, guarded by an armed officer. He was a bovine with a head split in the middle, a big eye in the center. His body was bovine-shaped but made of steel, and he carried several kinds of weapons on his metal ribcage, as well as smaller machines that scouted when released. ENA had only seen the scouts during drills, where she and her classmates would hide under their desks until the man on the PA said that practice was finished.

The guard asked for their student I.D.s and blood samples - Merci presented his from a little pouch attached to his backpack. The I.D. was a card, and on that card was a fingerprint in blood, with a set of numbers beneath it indicating a genetic identification. ENA had hers as well, and showed it to the officer, who inspected them both at the same time with his auxiliary eyes. "You are granted access, students. Good luck on your classes."

"감사합니다." (Thank you.) Said Merci, and ENA nodded to agree. They passed the front doors, feeling the chill of the air conditioner and smelling the fresh scent of plants, which were plenty in underground places where they could be given water and sunlight, provided by the suns who attended school.

They approached the stairway where they would split off for the day. "행운을 빕니다, 누나." (See you soon, sister.) Said Merci, giving her a hug. "점심 때 뵙겠습니다. 나는 여분의 젓가락을 가져 왔습니다. 칫솔을 잊은 경우에는 처리해야합니다." (Don't cause trouble. Pay attention in class. If you need me you know where I am.)

"I know." She smiled, hugging him back before heading up the stairs. The rubber plates meant to keep students from slipping were covered in dust and dirt, which meant that everyone had probably already assembled in their homerooms. She felt the first surge of urgency but kept a smile on her face so her brother could see it and not be worried. "I'll do my best!"

"잘 했어!" (You had better!) This was the last thing he said before he started walking to the left, where the highschool wing was. ENA wondered if Moony came to school today. If she hadn't, that would be okay.

When she reached the elementary school floor, she went straight ahead to where the shelves for shoes were. "Қайырлы таң, Енакай!" (You're almost late, Enakai!) Said the Ed. Tech., Mr. Nag Abdulayev. He was standing next to the cubby holes, smiling wide despite reprimanding her. He enjoyed getting on her case about everything. When she got water on her shirt while drinking from the fountain, or not speaking loud enough. Or, speaking too loudly. Or talking too much, or not at all, or not saying the right thing at the right time. He hovered like a carrion-eater, waiting for her to make a mistake. Lucky for him, buzzards like he were plenty fed when there were students like her.

"I know, sir." She stepped slowly, looking up and down the rows of labels beneath the cubby holes. Her name was hiding from her this morning. "My name's gone."

"Сіздің атыңыз жоғалған жоқ, Енакай. Тек сәл қиынырақ көріну керек." (Maybe you're not looking hard enough, Enakai. Take another minute to find it.) Of course, the only thing he did was come over to stand next to her instead of actually helping out, like the school told Mama and Papa he would do when he was first given the task of shadowing her. So, ENA had to do these kinds of things herself. It took a couple minutes between frequently checking the clock before she noticed a discrepancy - one of the nametags was a piece of paper taped onto the wood instead of a printed sticker. "Monty" said the name, and ENA tried to remember if she had ever heard that name before.

Caring less for rudeness than for satiating curiosity, she leaned down to peer in Monty's cubby hole. Inside was a brick. This guy...

She thought again, and reaching a conclusion, she reached out for the paper -

The sound of the rattle, hissing loud and dangerously, made ENA tense up and quickly take back her hand. Mr. Abdulayev opened his mouth and out came a hard, brown formation that shook rapidly, making the sound of rice in a cup. Once he had her attention, he stopped rattling.

He leaned down and reached out his big claw-hand to grab the paper and peel it away. Hiding beneath was ENA's nametag, just as she'd suspected.

She said nothing, waiting for Mr. Abdulayev.

"Бұл әзіл. Әдетте кішкентай балалар бір-бірін осылай мазақтайды. Бұл күлкілі емес пе? Қалай болғанда да, аяқ киіміңізді ауыстырып, сабаққа барыңыз. Сізде бір минуттай уақыт бар." (Blah blah. Blah blah blah foolish journeyman freestyle masonry. Blah blah blah, get it? Yadda yadda pontification, yakyakyak. So get going.)

"Okay." She didn't see her shoes anywhere, and ended up settling for removing her outdoor shoes, placing them atop the brick and walking down the hall to class in socks. The shoes would show up sooner or later. Mr. Abdulayev followed her, his hooves clacking on the tile floor.

The man at the front was a small furry creature, a long body held up by stilts for legs. His head was small, taken up mostly by his eyes and mouth. His name was Mr. Tick, everyone just called him Sir. He did a divorce last year and got to keep his son, who supposedly went to school with them. "Buenos días clase." (Good morning, class.) He said with fresh vigor and a friendly smile.

His three students bid him a good morning in a singsongy manner. Mr. Abdulayev took ENA to the back of the class, where she could listen to the lesson without getting in the way of it. She was sometimes afraid of saying good-morning for fear of making herself more visible, but today she was feeling confident, so she spoke loud enough to be heard.

Too loud, it seemed. The technician took her shoulder and steered her away from the main part of the room, where the other students looked over their shoulders at her. "Much apologies, my bad." She said, and went to sit down out of sight where hopefully they’d forget about her.

"Sí, de todos modos. Como siempre, comenzamos con la clase de matemáticas." (Yes, I forgive you. For the rest of you, we're going to begin math class.) With an arm that extended from a hole in his side, he took a piece of chalk and began to scribble on the blackboard behind him. The students reached into their desks and removed some paper, books, pencils and erasers.

ENA could already feel herself losing concentration but forced herself to focus, grabbing the pencil she was given and staring hard at the paper in front of her. At the top, she wrote her name in full, then the class period, and then the time in military-style because she liked to do that. She would have preferred a pen, one of those colorful ones that looked nice on white paper, but she didn't have time to use them ever. Pencil would have to do. The eraser was colorful at least, a bright green. When it was rubbed on the paper, it left green flecks like fresh cut grass without the smell and the sneezing and such. They didn't own a lawn with grass, no grass grew where they lived because the suns kept killing it because they were too hot and heat kills grass and hardens the ground, a process called -

She blinked and glanced around her. No-one noticed she had gotten distracted, good. At once, to make up for lost time, she started working on the problems presented to her. Despite being ones she remembered seeing many times before, she could never remember the answers or the process. So, she used the pieces she did remember - how to borrow and carry numbers, which involved giving and taking like if your arms were too full of things so someone else had to take some things so you could carry your designated amount of things, which maxed as ten. Or was it nine? Ten? Whatever.

"Енакай, сен не істеп жатырсың?" (Enakai, is your work going well?) Asked the tech, who leaned over to look closely at her paper. It was half-finished already.

"I think I'm doing pretty well."

"Сіз қателескенсіз. Нұсқаулықты қараңыз! Сіз көбейтуді жасауыңыз керек еді!" (That's nice. But look! Look at what it says at the top!) He pointed at the top of the page with his red pen, and that was when ENA noticed something that made her want to leap from a window.

Multiply.

She had been adding. She thought she was really good at it, too, even if sometimes the answer didn't seem quite right. But that was just because all the problems were difficult, right?

No, it wasn't, and now she would have to begin again. She already found a way to waste time even if she said she wasn't going to. More time would be wasted erasing all the marks she made with her pencil and doing it all over again from square one. Multiplying wasn't so bad, but now that she looked over the paper for a third time, at the end were some division problems, and she really wasn't looking forward to dealing with those. Division was the worst because it was hard to imagine what goes into where and how much.

She complained under her breath as she went back. Mr. Tick was moving so fast in his lesson. The other students in grade three seemed to be keeping up with ease. They could probably do division like she did addition. That wasn't a compliment really, since it seemed that she couldn't even do that. Maybe they made a mistake by sending her on to third grade, staying in kindie was a better option for someone her caliber.

The paper looked blurry, and she bit her tongue with vindictiveness as she tried to keep her feet from kicking out, searching for a wall, the table leg, the floor. She couldn't stop here. What was her brother doing right now? She tapped her pencil against the floor but the noise was grating so she stopped. He was talking to Moony because she got upset and did something that hurt someone else. She couldn't do it again, not on her life. It would be the biggest shame, to cry over a math paper.

So why was she still crying?

"Мұны дереу тоқтатыңыз-" (If you keep doing this I'll-)

"You'll do what, huh?! What'll you do, hang me? That's a good option, but I'd sooner choose drowning, it's slower. If you want to kill me fast to get me out of the way, there's always the roof!"

Why couldn't she stop? Everyone was looking at her now, Mr. Tick had stuttered on his previously smooth announcements. The technician grabbed her by the arms to take her out of the room. The tech's talons were very strong, and she didn't budge even when she tried to escape. His grip tightened with her every movement it seemed. She could hear her voice, but it was so far away she couldn't tell if it really hers. If it was, she must really be scaring someone. Her socks allowed for her feet to drag without noise, so at least there was that. "I'm sorry! Let me go! Please, I'm really sorry, just stop grabbing me!"

She thought about Merci and how disappointed he'd be. If he came around that corner right now, with Moony -

Her lungs closed, and she gagged, rushing to cover her face with her hands to guard against the vile smell that came from the glass jar held up to her nose. The tech's talons pulled her hands away and with a swift flick of his claw, a line of the putrid-smelling oil was wiped under her nose. ENA physically recoiled from the strength of the smell, backing up onto the bench to press against the wall. Her hands wiped frantically at her face, the line of oil stinging and her eyes watering.

"Сіз жаман болуды тоқтатуға шешім қабылдадыңыз ба?" (Do you realize how many times you've brought me to this?) He asked, recapping the jar and tucking it back into his shirt pocket. "Енді бітті, сабаққа оралуға болады." (You know, you're being more difficult lately.)

"I know." She said, blinking past her tears and trying not to react to the way her face burned. She had to be strong, she had to push past it. Grit and willpower was what moved men and separated them from the losers.

They got up and marched back in, back to the table and the unfinished worksheet. ENA didn't look at any of the other students, even if she could feel their eyes on her. She sat down without a word, picked up her pencil, and read the directions this time.

"Multiply the first ten problems of the 11.8B worksheet, and then wait for you instructor to-"

"Bien, todos, guarden sus libros de ejercicios de matemáticas y saquen sus libros de biología." (Right, now, this is where I'm going to make things difficult for the guy in the back by starting the next class period.)

There was the sound of the desks creaking and papers shuffling, the three talking amongst one another. ENA didn't move when the paper was taken and graded. It was handed back to her with lettering on the top saying ‘you’d do better if you’d cooperate next time.’ With it came a biology text and similar-looking worksheet with a picture of a small, fuzzy creature shaved in some parts and with his inside bits showing. In several places were lines indicating that she should name that part of the critter. "Жалғастыру. Ағзаның бөліктерінде жазыңыз. Сіз мұны қазірге дейін білгеніңіз жөн." (You should do better on this next one. All you have to do is remember yesterday's class.)

"I will certainly do that, sir." She put the new paper over the math sheet to hide it completely. She started to open her textbook when it was closed abruptly by the technician.

"Жабық кітап емтиханы." (Not this time.)

"Fair play." Said ENA, hardly seeing why this was at all fair, lying to keep the tentative peace. It was fine, the creature was a lepus, and she knew those well enough to fill in several of the blanks, sticking on only a few. After the test was a lecture involving a slideshow of pictures. The drawings depicted some grass, and a lepus eating the grass, and a carnivora, vulpes, eating the lepus.

The food chain always put her off. She'd end up wondering what creature could eat her. She never had to worry for long, just enough to take some notes to study the cascade for next time.

Afterwards was Latin class, another one the liked. Latin was a human language, and Papa sometimes took her aside to learn some if they both had the time. He always said that Latin was the universal language, so that if she ever needed to speak to anyone, anywhere, she would speak in Latin. So she already had a leg up, which made her feel confident all the way through. The tech took a lot of time to explain things to her, even if she already understood them. His long-winded talking sometimes threw her off, so she had to jot down some notes to remember what she was thinking about.

The last class of the morning was history, which was alright, if she could stop mixing up wars.

The part she liked the best, and remembered the best, was about King Berry. He was a king who wanted to do good, but was so bad at it, he was killed. When other Kings were cruel and ruthless, King Berry was ignorant but good-hearted. Even running away, she felt as though he kept his pride, and when it came to his last moments, he told the onlookers at his beheading that all he wanted was for them to be happy. ENA wanted to be like him, sans the ignorance and the hanging and the revolting. She wanted to be strong and kind like him. When King Berry faced his demise, he did not cry. Even when his family was taken from him, he could not cry, because he had to remain a totem of strength, of power, even when his kingdom mocked him.

She did not have a kingdom per se, but she did have people who mocked her. She cried easily, but she did have a partner by her side. Not a wife, she wasn't big enough to have a wife, but she had her brother, which in a lot of ways was better than a wife. Wives are often mothers, and mothers often don't take your side unless you've got a really good argument. Brothers are good partners, good schemers, and never tell lies. When she built her kingdom, she'd have her brother with her.

"Pausa para almorzar ahora. Todos, los veré cuando regresen en una hora para limpiar la habitación. ¡Después de eso, te veré mañana!" (Class is over everyone. Today, mostly all of you were good and turned in your homework. I expect you all to complete the work I gave you for tomorrow!)

"Thank you for teaching!" Said the class in unison, and ENA said it too, but not so loud this time. The kids pushed their desks together so they could eat together.

ENA took her backpack from where she hung it on the back of her chair. "Thank you for teaching, Mr. Abdulayev. I'm going to eat with my brother now."

"Әрине. Бүгін кешке көбірек оқы, мен сенің ертең жасағаныңды тексеремін." (Yeah. When you're finished, don't forget to come back for afternoon classes.)

"Okay." She didn't really feel like it, but they had to clean the classroom after lunch, which she was good at, and she was prepared to get away fast if Moony was still angry.

She entered the hallway where a couple other students were retrieving their lunches. The older grades, with more students, would choose a few to deliver the lunches to the lower grades. ENA watched them push metal trolleys with plastic boxes on them. She felt like hiding, especially when some of the students lingered on her as she walked down the hall. She did her best not to make eye contact, especially when they started to whistle or clap their hands to get her to look up at them. When they left, they howled like the lupus and chattered like the troglodyte. Some held up a hand to their face and grinned widely, before switching the hand and side of the face and frowning in a mocking manner. Then, they burst into uncontrolled fits of laughter, and left in the elevator.

None of the adults saw it, officially. It was only official if someone was injured. Maybe her pride was injured, but that wasn't worth writing a complaint about.

She went to the teleconference room no-one used during the lunch hour. After gaining the permission of the student president, she and her brother ate there together at least once a week. Merci had friends that he liked to sit with sometimes, he said. So, out of every five days, on the fourth day, they'd meet up. ENA ate alone the other days.

She was just taking a sandwich out of her lunch bag when the door opened. ENA felt her shoulders stiffen, closing the space between them and her torso. Saying a very quick prayer, she turned to see who arrived.

As expected, Merci was there with a tray. Also expected, Moony was with him. She didn't seem excited to be there, either.

"Hi." Said ENA.

"Yeah." Said Moony.

"이제 모두 왔으니 ..." (This room feels cold...) Said Merci, and he took his place across from ENA. "시작하려면 에나 카이 - 사과 할 수 있습니다." (Alright Enakai - you can say what you need.) He cracked the top of a milk bottle and started drinking, leaning back in the swivel chair.

ENA sat up straighter, pretending that she was an important businessman ready to give the biggest salse pitch of his career. "Good evening, Miss Moony." She started.

Moony blinked her eye and waited.

So far, so good.

"I've come here to give you a very special piece of information! I, my humble self, am very, very, very, veryveryvery, ..." What else to say than sorry? Does 'sorry' really make up for it? 'Sorry' feels like something she'd say to Merci if she pushed him off the slide and Mama made her apologize. Or, when you're not really sorry. But then, what else is there? I regret what I did, I feel horrible about it, I'll do whatever you want me to, even if it involves bringing myself to the compost dump and waiting for moss to grow on my otherwise useless body-

"What? Very what?" Asked Moony.

"Very....regret." Said ENA.

Not so good, could be better, could be worse.

"Regret? Hah! But tell me something new. I already regret, and I know that you do to. But what is it that you regret?"

Could be better. At least she gave a tip.

"Regret making you angry."

Moony scowled, and ENA backpedaled. "And I regret saying things that made you feel embarrassed to be around me! I know that you don't like it when I have my moments, so I want to let you know that it's my fault and I'm sorry."

"Really?" Moony asked, not sounding the least bit like she was thinking of accepting the apology. "That's all? The only thing you regret is making me mad? Well, that's too bad, because I'm mad now!"

Abort! Plan's going wrong, what happened?!

Merci sat up a little, as if he wanted to interject, but Moony quieted him with a harsh glare.

"Aren't you sorry for breaking my stars? For making me pay for the mess, for scaring the customers? Me being angry should be the least you should be sorry for, with all the trouble you caused! ENA, I'm don't want you to just be sorry because you think that people are mad at you. ENA, you're old enough now that I feel like I shouldn't have to show you where the felids leave their feces! They're mad at you - I'm mad at you - because you did something bad! You scared people and caused a scene! I'll accept your apology when you realize exactly what I mean and are really sorry for what you did, not just sorry because people are mad at you."

Merci sat in his chair. He looked between his sister and Moony, and for a moment, everything was calm.

ENA felt herself relax. Then, everything came loose.

"Don't give me that look." Said Moony. ENA looked up, but she couldn't see very well anymore. She clenched her teeth and nodded to say she understood. "I'll see you later."

When it was just her and Merci, he got up from his seat and went over to his sister. "괜찮아요?" (So?) He asked.

ENA tried to compose herself, but even that proved too big a mountain to climb. She sat on the floor and mumbled instead of talking like a grown-up, "I tried, but I did it again. I made it worse. Maybe it would have been better if we hadn't done this..."

Merci was awfully quiet, at first. "글쎄요 .. 제가 당신의 오빠이기 때문에 지금은 아무 말도하지 않겠습니다. 하지만 그녀가 한 말을 생각해보십시오. 그런 다음 문제를 해결하는 방법을 다시 평가할 수 있습니다. 그녀를 포기하지 마십시오. 그녀는 당신을 포기하지 않았습니다. 괜찮아?" (Listen...maybe this was something that you needed to hear. She had a point in any case. This afternoon you should focus on making it up to her. At least to her. Maybe you can salvage your relationship yet. Alright?)

She understood she made her bed, it was just harder to deal with when she wouldn't stop crying. No matter what she did, the only thing she could do was cry. She tried to think about what King Berry would do. Would he call on his army? His guards, or his fool to try and make him laugh tears instead of sobbing? Right now, ENA was making herself quite the fool, and not the king.

Then it was up to her to stop crying. She would stop, and she would get up from the floor, and make it up to Moony the right way.

She wasted too much time to each much much, which made afternoon classes a drag. There was only computer class and painting left, both of which she enjoyed normally, but couldn't find her footing in today. She struggled to keep up with the instructor, quickly falling behind and having to glance at a neighbor's screen to copy them. Either she'd typed the wrong input, leaving out a character or three, or missed a step altogether. When everyone else had completed their work and had moved on to playing a game together, she was still attempting to put together a string, and the class ended just as she finally seemed to get the hang of it.

Painting class wasn't much better, on top of her being tired and hungry and wanting to get out of school as fast as possible. They were working on still-life painting, which was never her strong suit, with all the work that had to go into making the banana look like it was shaded instead of moldy. Everyone else around her seemed to have themselves figured out. They knew how to solve their problems, and make the fruit look perfect, and if not, it was leagues above what she did. How did they do it, these little kids? How did they have their lives together in less time than her, and she was still in pieces?

It stuck with her even when they were let go to focus on extracurriculars. Working in the garden provided some comfort, as it always did. Some other kids were there as well, but she did what she could to focus on the plants and not them. She could hear them faintly, telling each other secrets and rumors. "I've heard...that she's killed before. When she loses her head, it could happen again. They keep her in the little-kids’ rooms so that there's less casualties and the only bodies are booger-eaters. Including her when the security robots show up with their guns."

"My mom says she's gonna be like that forever, and when her parents can't be bothered, people like her go to institutions."

ENA hates the institution. She's only been there once, for an exam. The people there look pitiful, like they're a step from dying. She wants to think that she's doing better than that, so she pulls herself together like Moony said she should and finishes weeding the garden before moving to the animal pens. They had some lepus, which were better company than most kids.

There's a girl standing outside, holding a lepus. She looks at ENA and backs up a couple of paces. "Hey! You, with that frightful look on your face! Go bother someone else! Or I'll tell someone and they'll come and have you thrown out!"

She left right away. If she didn’t, she would be causing trouble again. It was bound to happen anyway, trouble. There weren't many other places to go after school ended, but she had a place in mind that she found to be relaxing. Papa came to get her later, which surprised her, more so when he told her it was night-time aboveground. That meant that she had spent the entire afternoon stuck in a hole in the wall, listening to her thoughts and doing nothing else. Papa only found her because Papa's an expert at finding hiding people. He says that he can see their lives, crushed into cramped corners, exuding fear and bad feelings that were far more potent than the aura of someone who had done nothing wrong.

"Papa...I'm sorry that I cause you so much trouble." She said, when they walked to the car. It was starting to get very cold outside. He was wearing a heavy jacket, and he gave ENA one as well. She would not have taken it, had he not pushed that she put it on. By almost all accounts, she should stand outside and freeze, and maybe someone would achieve catharsis, if not her.

"Μπορείτε να βελτιώσετε. Σταματήστε να είστε λυπημένοι για τον εαυτό σας και εργαστείτε σκληρότερα." (I expected this to happen. I want you to tell me that you are going to do something about it.)

"I will, Papa. I'll work harder."

The moons were in the sky, shining brightly. The stars twinkled.

She had some money saved up. Tomorrow, she could go to the store and back during lunch break, so long as she didn't trip, and kept her emotions in check. She would fix things, and then maybe she would not have to be like a cornered animal or end up in an institution.

She would work harder, for Moony, for her family, and for herself. And for the kids who laughed and said that she would have nothing to her name but embarrassing stories.

Wait until she pulls through, she thought. Then she'd show them who gets the last laugh.

* * *

A drawing I did of the tech.


	3. Celebration of Old Days Gone By

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No warnings this time, I think. Like last time, the medicine is used, and Papa's parenting methods are a little sketch, but that's it.

Papa was on the line with his mother, very involved in their conversation, so ENA didn't interrupt. She did snoop just a bit; "I just want to remind you again that we're doing this out of convenience. You know I'm not like that, we were never like that...yes, I know, but I live with my family now...mother, please..." She stopped listening when she ran out of zipper to inconspicuously fiddle with. She was bundled in a heavy coat packed with feathers to make it warm. She also wore the fur hat that she got from Grandma, which she actually gave to Papa, but he didn't want it, along with some gloves.

Papa left for his study, where he was unlikely to come out for the next couple hours, working hard on his memoir.

Mama must have also been listening. She waved dismissively, "罰金、罰金-あなたが好きな場所に行きます。すぐに行ってください。" (Alright, alright - just be back by tomorrow. I can hear Mother stressing Hara.)

"Thanks, Mama." She would come back home before Papa got more stressed. Merci wouldn't worry; he came back from theater club a couple hours before and was in the basement, acting in front of a mirror. He also knew that tonight was when ENA would spend time with her dearest friend, Moony.

For the past five days, ENA and her family had been celebrating the six holidays, adding the last day for the leap year. Today was the last day, the Celebration of the Revolution, on the 2nd of Nivôse.

Moony and her family, as well as most astrological beings, did not celebrate the holidays of the Jacobin Republic. Their calendar was the Tzolkin Mayan, a circle with a single sun in the center bordered by symbols of monsters representing years. Beneath those were months, then days. She said it was an ancient human artifact rarely used but not forgotten.

It was said that humans were the only creatures so tight-assed and nervous as to care about counting days in the thousand-thousands.

Grandma and Grandpa, humans, followed the Christian calendar, which was more popular than Moony's calendar. Their biggest winter holiday, discounting the New Year, was based on the birth of the son of God, on the fifth of Nivôse which they called the twenty-fifth of December, which was the last month of the year instead of the fourth. ENA found it hard to follow these calendars but tried her best to avoid making anyone feel put out because she couldn't remember what a July was.

The night glowed brightly with all the moons in the sky and innumerable stars that sparkled like fine glitter. All the horizon was saturated with a thick mist, and her breath was seen in a billowing while puff. She hurried down the road, holding up a torch to light the way and create a signal for truck drivers. Many times a citizen had been hit by a truck that didn't stop. The roads were often empty on holidays, which was why she was allowed to walk by herself. Mrs. Sad wouldn’t get to push her into oncoming traffic.

She could see Quarry Peak’s humungous silhouette touching the sky. ENA remembered being asked by someone, 'what do you think it would feel like to have the world as your own?' ENA didn’t know what to say, but being on top of Quarry Peak almost felt like owning the world.

It didn't take long to meet up with Moony, who was waiting for her at the base. She glowed brightly tonight, reflecting the light of her fellow moons. "Took you long enough." She said, smiling as ENA kissed her on the cheek, and she did the same in turn. “I brought food to roast. Lots of nice blubber." She grinned like a mad schemer. "I also got some fish if you want to throw the heads off the peak.”

ENA grinned back. "You're lucky I've a good throwing hand. Merci's head is a good target no matter where he's standing or at what angle." She picked up a rock, tossing it back and forth and pretending to analyze it before giving it a solid pitch out into the desert.

"Woah!" Moony exclaimed amazedly as she stared at the darkness. “Race you to the top, loser sucks eggs!”

“I hate eggs...” ENA said, frowning. They felt gross coming out. Sucking them was just nasty. She ran to where she could start her ascent. Trees and bushes with strong roots grew between the rocks, sucking up the moisture that accumulated in the dark, shady crags. ENA used these as support, hauling herself up with ease. Papa had always praised her climbing skills, and her first trip to the quarry had actually been with him. She was surprised when she learned that someone lived there, with how dead it was when Papa took her to train.

"I used to go to a place like this when I was your age." Papa said. "Lots of people went, but I was the only kid. And I beat them all, Enakai. I know you'd do the same, if I gave you the chance to compete."

"Moony?"

"Sup?" She had paused to harass a Cornutum backed against a rock, it's little eyes wide with fear.

ENA felt bad for it, so she went to pick it up and stick it in a dark hole. "Am I a good climber?"

Moony cackled, "Don't use me to stroke your ego! You have one the size of a nebula. Yeah, you're good. There's no other humanoid I would bring to this mountain. But don't let that get to your head, you're still not faster than me!" She took off, rushing so to mock the comets. A trail of light was left behind her as she looped in the air.

ENA smiled and picked up her pace. It wasn’t enough to beat Moony, who was found threatening a short creature with dozens of legs. ENA didn't get to hear it speak, it scuttled into the night when it noticed her. Moony glared as it escaped. "That was Rengane, who crawls on the ground looking for crumbs." She said, taking stock of the food supply. "He's a bore to listen to and look at; I'd be happy to have arrived after he left."

Invigorated by the feeling of her heart pounding from the climb, ENA took a wide defensive stance in front of the icebox, a fearsome foe for whoever dared approach. Mr. Happy must be there. While Mrs. Sad brought her down and gave her humility, Mr. Happy gave her confidence and strength. He filled her with so much power she didn't know what to do with it.

Moony noticed and offered her a spirited grin. Miniature clouds churned on her surface. "Light the fire, sire." She said, laughing at her own joke. ENA laughed too, loud and without shame, making Moony downright mad with delight, gliding around them like the end of a torch swung by manic castaway. ENA craned her neck to look up at the low-hanging cosmos that swept by above their heads. The colors shifted continuously, and ENA leaped up to take a fistful and toss it onto the pile of dried kindling. Both the girl and the moon whooped with joy when it lit up with a mighty gust, spraying sparks across the high peak.

When they were finished celebrating, ENA brought them some cuts of meat. Moony ate not a human food, or a meal fit for an animal creature, but something entirely different - it was like strips of dull, colorless substance that dripped with juice and tasted better after being sun-dried but were perfectly edible unbaked. It came from a special kind of creature that lived in places highly populated by suns, as their main predator is the moon, which made it easy to catch, flay, and bake them when you were a moon who lived where suns liked to live. Munako packed plenty, and ENA served them on a metal pike stuck into the ground so that her friend could eat without having to be fork-fed. Moony could have gotten an arm, but she said they were too expensive. ENA herself ate some beef, torn into chunks and cooked over the fire.

While they ate, they talked. "How’s the holidays? The family?" Asked Moony, chewing loudly. Some slobber dribbled down her chin, and she shook her head to try and get rid of it.

"Pleasant." Said ENA, using a hankie to wipe her friend's face. "On the first day, the Celebration of Virtue, Mama and Papa taught Merci and I about sex and dating and marriage."

"Oof." Said Moony, scowling. She spat into the dirt. "Parents should stay out of that stuff."

"Yeah." Said ENA, feeling sobered by the memory. "I didn't really want to, but they insisted. Only Merci's had girlfriends. I've never had girlfriends! Or boyfriends! Not even one!"

"Don't tell me you wonder why that is." Moony took another bite of blubber-chunk.

"I don't wonder." Said ENA. "It's because you didn't accept my invitation to prom."

The moon laughed mockingly. "Oh, right! Because you were fit to attend prom. When I went with my boyfriend, I had the time of my life, and knew that you would hate it, which you did. You went with Merci and his ex, and somehow ended up on the dancefloor by yourself. When they started waltzing, you had a breakdown and cried until someone pulled you out like a war veteran experiencing a traumatic flashback."

ENA nodded seriously and took a bite of her beef kebab. "Traumatic it was, mon frere."

"Anyway. Celebration of Virtue, did you feel more virtuous?"

"I felt more virginal."

"Same thing."

* * *

"아빠." (Dad.) Merci groaned, Mama pushing him to the couch next to ENA.

She sat quietly, looking between both parents, who stood in front of them with serious looks on their faces. "Are we in trouble? It's only the start of the holiday, and I didn't do anything."

"오 물론이지. 자신을 보호하고 나를 흙 속에 두십시오." (She's right. She hasn't done anything but sit in her room and cry.) He snickered at her when ENA jabbed him with her elbow.

"私たちはあなたと真剣に話し合いたいので、あなたはここにいます。" (She might have but we want to do something as a group this time.)

"무엇에 대해?" (Crying together?) Asked Merci, sitting forward with a look of satisfation when ENA punched his arm.

"美徳について。" (It's about virtue.) She said this with a smile on her red-painted lips, and the siblings exchanged a look, knowing that either it'd either be better than expected or worse than they were prepared for, hoping desperately for the former.

Their hopes were unanswered, as Papa held out some fliers with blocky letters on the cover, 'On the Transmission of STDs.' "Έχω επίσης μερικά φυλλάδια για την εγκυμοσύνη. Και για τους δύο, ανεξάρτητα από το εάν γεννάτε ή όχι." (I know they teach you this in school but I want to make sure. On top of this, I've got some about pregnancy as well.) He waved the leaflets in the air, and both kids drew back from them, trying to press into the couch.

"Dad!" ENA climbed onto the back of the sofa. "I don't need that! Merci might, but I don't!"

Merci grabbed her by the waist and pulled her back down, and the resulting wrestling match was broken up by the shoving of informative papers between them.

"二人とも聞く必要があります。 私はあなたのどちらからも孫を望んでいません。すぐにはありません。" (You two need to stop fighting. I'm not sure if you two can even sexually reproduce. What matters is preparation.)

"If I could bud, I would have done it ages ago and taken over the town, or sent one of my buds to school in my place." ENA tried to imitate what she imagined budding would be like. Mama sighed and shook her head.

"江中井さ、家にいるときは日本語を話してください。これをもっと真剣に受け止めてください、あなた方二人はティーンエイジャーです。統計的に、あなたは危険なセックスを通して妊娠する可能性が高くなります。" (If you don't take this seriously I'm going to 'bud' you over the head and stick you in the corner. Teenagers like you have no respect. Your mother just wants to make sure you're not having dangerous sex.)

"위험한?!" (Dangerous?!) Merci's surprise was met with the pamphlets.

"Απλά ... κρατήστε την αρετή σας, παιδιά. Αυτό είναι το μόνο που σας ζητάμε." (Just...think about virtue, kids. Don't have sex and none of these things will happen to you.)

"Too late." ENA said, glancing to her left.

"어쨌든 그 유니폼을 입고 그 무대에 도달하지 못할 것입니다. 나는 그것을 허용하지 않을 것입니다. 악마와 괴물 만이 당신과 함께 시도 할 것입니다." (Too late for me, but you never even had a chance wearing that uniform. You look like a kid. Only demons and monsters would consider trying it with you while you look like that.)

She didn't even have a good comeback for that one. It was true, while she was still dressing like a kid, no-one was going to take her seriously. All the more reason to get fixed and give these overly-protective warnings some reason to be said. Not that she wanted to go out of her way to make her parents worried, but sex was a part of being a grownup, and everyone did it eventually. So, if she was going to be a grownup like everyone else, she needed to pull herself together.

At the end of the very important meeting, she went to Papa with this, and he told her in a grim voice that they would be headed to get her fixed just as they planned, and meeting someone very important, too.

* * *

"So you get to meet your grandparents? Like, for real?" Moony dropped a blubber piece in surprise.

ENA sat back on a stone, stripping a stick of it’s bark before tossing it into the fire where it was engulfed without so much as an extra spark. "That’s what I gather. I guess they talked Papa into visiting. I don't know how that's going to help. I was told they sold olive oil." She skewered a heart and set it out over the fire, propping it up on a stick so that she could get up and pace. Moony's eye tracked her. "He avoided the line all last month, but suddenly he started taking calls, so now we're just going to have a reunion? And! On the Celebration of Talent, he even showed us pictures of him and his brother when they were kids! He got really into it. I know I should be grateful that he's doing this, but I get bad feelings all over." She sat down again, wrapping her arms around herself.

It started when Papa called a meeting and made ENA take her medicine again. He even gave her a glass of fruit juice to wash down the chemical syrup. Of course she questioned it, but not out loud, and drank the medicine without complaint. Papa thanked her and took back the glass. Then, he presented to them a little wooden box. "I want you to understand that I'm offering you these with the confidence that you have matured enough to appreciate this gesture. This isn't something that I'm doing lightly, but I've spent some time considering, and I've reached the conclusion that you two should become better acquainted with your extended family members, and myself." With that lengthy introduction, he removed the lid to reveal the inside packed end to end with photographs.

Merci and ENA glanced between Papa and the box, silently theorizing what kind of test this was supposed to be. Papa was a man who, though having his moments of affection, often kept to himself. He was quiet and soft-spoken when he had nothing to say, but when he did, his words sometimes cut like a knife. For his children he was a little softer, but not by much. He never yelled; he didn't have to. He kept a solid and leaderly reputation to his children and his co-workers, and was very proud but not to the point of self-love. He never gave them what they didn't deserve, and especially nothing so personal to him. So, when he removed some photographs bundled with a rubber band and gave them to ENA, she was sure to be very gentle. She didn't want to disrespect him, handling them as if the ink would rub off should she touch it. "Merci, look." She whispered, and Merci steadied her shaky hand by taking hold of her wrist.

They asked questions when appropriate, about backgrounds and types of dress, especially of their grandmother, the dark-haired woman often seen either posing with her children, husband, or solo. Mama looked over Papa's shoulder, having brought the laundry in from drying on the line. "You'll meet Mother in person, too, soon." Was all she said. "She's something."

"She's overbearing, is what you mean." Said Papa, and both children were very quiet, not wanting to so much as breathe should it be taken the wrong way. "I hear what you mean, and I'm sure they've taken the head down by now."

"Even if they didn't..." Started Mama, but she stopped. Her nose twitched rapidly when she spoke. "The children have a right to know their family, so thank you for letting them. Especially for Mercy. I know how Mother feels about those things."

"Mercy will be fine." Papa said. "I won't let them say anything to him that I can't hear or do anything that I don't approve of."

"I know this, and I trust you. Besides, we're going for Enakai's sake, and I know that Father has knowledge about these things. Your sister, too." She rested her head on top of Papa's, and he scratched her nose.

There were also pictures of Papa’s little brother, who appeared to be excluded entirely from any photos when he turned twelve. "He’s just one that I’m actually looking forward to seeing again." He said this with a smile, so that neither of his children could ask why he didn't look forward to seeing anyone else.

Because it was still the Celebration of Talent, Papa showed them some of his history as a marksman and champion sharpshooter.

"Clearly, he wanted us to take up shooting." ENA picked up another stick, lining it up so that a twig acted as a sight. "Merci's not going to, so I guess I gotta."

"Not sure I wanna see you with a gun, ENA. Maybe he can have another kid who likes shooting things. Anyway, could you real quick...?"

"Yup." ENA grabbed another piece of grey meat and stuck it on the end of the pike. "Cooked or no?"

"It's fine," She said, taking a bite. "So about talent. I've got some talents. I've gotten really good at soul reading."

"Really?” ENA asked, rocking on her heels. “What do you have to do? Can you do it with me?"

Moony rolled her visible eye, scoffing. "You'd have to be asleep. Entering someone's soul while they're awake is rude and a felony. So, lay down real quick and I'll be hasty."

ENA took a glance around her, at all the moons up above, and fell down onto the rocks. "Bring back my bad parts, leave only the good." She said, squeezing her eyes shut.

Moony hovered close above her, judging from the sound of her voice. "I didn't say I could cleanse it yet, I can only look."

"Oh. Well, I can't guarantee you'd like what you see. Will it sting?"

"Hush up and let me work! Try to keep yourself grounded, not so stiff. I can't get in if you're not relaxed, so think of something calming. Think about your talent, that should do it."

ENA thought, but her mind kept straying. Should she have her eyes closed, or could she look at the stars? Those were always calming to look at. The Latin word for a star was a stella. Two or more stars were stellae. Moony was a luna, so the rest of her moons was lunae. ENA wasn't sure what she was, but her Papa was human, which was a sapiens, and her mother was a wyvern, the taxonomy coming from a mix of Old English and -

"Dude, your conscience is ugly." Said Moony with a sneer in her voice.

"Told you."

She was quiet again after that, and it stayed that way for a while, until ENA was almost asleep on the ground. Then, from no-where, she was gripped by a strong feeling of terror that sent her up on her feet and Moony ejected from in her soul.

"Hey!" Moony backed up as well, shaking a little. "Jackass, I was doing something! That hurt, I hope you know!"

ENA had returned to the fire and was wrestling with the brilliant idea of sticking her hand inside. If she did that, it would burn, and burns felt bad, especially from fire, but if she felt bad she would know that she was really awake, it was reconnect her to life- "Yes." She said, and thought about her parents, and how she had to go home in the morning. "Am I alive?"

"Uh... _duh._ How would you be talking to me then, huh?" Moony took a place next to her, but the look on her face wasn't mean or annoyed. It took her a minute to think of her next words, "It was kinda my fault anyway, so...sorry. It was different than what we practiced in class, so I had to do some improvisation. Oh, but get this!" She was suddenly excited, and ENA faced her, trying to make it look like she was also eager to listen. She could feel a heaviness overcome her, like sleep, and it pressed down on all her body. Oh, if only she would just get in the fire... "I didn't think that I could do this yet, but I think I saw one of your memories, man. Except, hear me out - it wasn't yours. I'm gonna take you back just a second - your soul is...whack. Like, hugely. It's more tangled than a pile of string, it was sooo hard to find where to go. But..." She trailed off at this point, and ENA pinched her arm to try and pay attention like a good friend.

"What did you see?" She asked, being nonspecific but attentive.

"I saw someone. Like a real someone. Everyone's soul reflects them, but it was almost like there was another person living in your head, yo...anyway, I just assumed he was your conscience. He was being all pretentious, sounded like a real asshole. He even acted like he knew me, but just as I was gonna talk to him, he left! Then it was just...it was a memory. I know it was, I recognized the feeling like in the books Mr. Culling made us read."

ENA nodded along, now a little more interested but unable to wake herself up.

"Your dad was in it, and some other guys. They were talking to each other."

At the mention of her Papa, ENA sat up. Regretting the sudden movement, she threw up a little bit and spat it into the fire before talking. "Really? What did they say?"

Moony glanced away for a second, her face kind of red. "That was the hard part. I couldn't understand them. Your dad looked different, though. More pink in the face, but it was him, for sure. There were in a room with hooks on the wall, and wooden pillars. There were two short people and an old guy at the end, when you kicked me out. It was so hard to focus on anything. Of all the things your conscience had to show me, it had to be the most indecipherable scene. Just ask your dad if he has two short friends, knew any old humans, and lived in a dark, foreboding cellar at some point in his life before he messed up his face."

"...I'll make a note of it. Thank you for the insight." She had to agree, not much of it sounded familiar, or made any sense, but she'd ask anyway.

Moony seemed proud of herself. "You're very welcome. Someday I'll do that to whoever I want, and when I get a bit more skill, maybe I can come back and get a better look. That's the job of the moons, to be guardians over all aspects of the soul."

"Good to see you've got it all planned out."

"It’s kind of a given. There are some moons who want to be suns, but I think that's silly. I mean, it’s kid stuff, when their brains aren’t developed enough to understand basic stuff, but when you're our age, a moon's a moon. It's our birthright, our life's purpose. To push that away is pushing away yourself, and what does that get you? What good does that achieve, but a lifetime of feeling out of place because of your own brainless decisions? So ENA, what do you want to be when you grow up?"

"Uh..."

"It's a work in progress, I get it. You human-types might be an uncommon species for that reason; you can't ever figure out what you want, so you end up walking in circles until you die of old age. It's a good thing you have me, then. Are you going to eat that cracker or just stare at it?"

"I'll get to it." ENA said.

* * *

_20 Pluviôse, Serpette, The Day of the Billhook_

"Ena Kai, σταματήστε να χάνετε χρόνο. Το σχολείο είναι ένα θέμα, αλλά η καριέρα σας είναι άλλη. Ως πατέρας σου, δεν μπορώ να σε αφήσω να πάει χωρίς στόχο στον κόσμο. Ελάτε εδώ και θα σας δείξω κάτι." (Enakai, don't make me wait for you. It’s been a few years, yet you still haven't gotten past grade three. From the way I see it, you're not going to make it if I don't intervene now. Come with me and I'll show you what I mean.)

Without warning, he took her by the hand and brought them to the car, where they drove out to the edge of the Clioux Mesa, to a life that would bring them down to a lower elevation. ENA tried to stifle her worry. Seeing her Papa's unbothered expression helped to calm her nerves. He was always so cool, and knew exactly what to do. He was going out of his way to try and help her, so damn if she wasn't going to try her best with whatever he was showing her.

They then got in a new car and drove until reaching a very remote place, with lots of foliage. There were many kinds of trees packed together to make the air smell heavily of sap, leaves, moist dirt and animal smell. Papa took her down a path only he seemed to know, to a place beyond a big hill. They climbed up one side and down the other, winding down into a crevasse in the earth. Once they reached a little brook, he bent down to stick his hand beneath the overhanging bank.

What he pulled out was a pellet gun. It was the dinkiest thing, but because it was ENA's first time seeing a gun, she was completely floored. "How did you know where that was, hiding under there? Did you place it?"

He nodded.

"Do you have guns all over the place?"

He nodded again. "Χρησιμοποιείται για το κυνήγι μικρών ζώων. Περιμένω να σας δείξω αυτό για λίγο τώρα. Δεν είναι πολύ δυνατά και μπορώ να σας βοηθήσω να χειριστείτε την ανάκρουση." (I've got weapons in places where no-one can find them. I wanted to show you for a reason. I'm going to train you how to use this gun so that someday you can make a job out of it.) He said all of this with a heavy amount of gesturing, pointing into the trees, indicating all around above his head, before taking hold of the gun's barrel and tapping the ground with the butt. It made a solid 'thunk' sound. "Θα πυροβολήσω μερικές φορές πρώτα. Παρακολουθήστε προσεκτικά." (I'm now going to show you how it's done. Look at me.) He reached out, drawing an invisible line between them. Then, standing straight, he marched out to a brief clearing. ENA followed when he signaled her with a wave of his hand. She marched big like him, taking each step with forced confidence, irritated at herself for being unsure. Right now was the time when he needed her to be the most sure of herself, and if she said this enough, she would make him happy and hold the powerful, explosive, deadly metal apparatus. "Πραγματικά, ξεκινάτε πολύ αργότερα από εμένα και τα αδέλφια μου. Αλλά αυτό δεν είναι μεγάλη υπόθεση. Θα προλάβετε. Ακριβώς όπως θα ξεχωρίσετε στις σπουδές σας μόλις σας διορθώσουμε." (Listen, these lessons are going to stay with you into adulthood. No matter where you go in life. Remember this. There is no hiding from your family and this inheritance of strength you were given when you were born.)

He lined up the firearm faster than ENA imagined a person could, an in an instant, with only an underwhelming **pop** sound to show for it, a single pinecone fell to the forest floor.

ENA stepped up to get closer, and she didn't even hear the gun fire when another cone dropped just in front of her.

Papa looked down, smiled, and held out the gun. "Τώρα δοκίμασε εσύ."

* * *

It was late at night when ENA returned from a visit with Moony, whom she visited most often at night since the holidays. She would have liked to have stayed up longer, but she was worn out and both her and Moony had school the next day. Moony went with her for company, and they traveled at a leisurely pace, ENA kicking stones and Moony chatting about a test that she had gotten a bad grade on. When they stopped on the porch, ENA kissed Moony good-bye and promised to see her tomorrow. "I'll meet you at the end of the street like always."

"Sure. If you've got anything leftover from dinner, can you bring me some?"

"Don't see why not. I think we're having stew and rice tonight."

Moony grinned. "Then put some in a container and I'll bring you half a half-token. Full token if you throw in a package of those fish-shaped biscuits." She was referring to the kind that tasted like citrus and had some fruity inside. ENA didn't really like them, they smiled too much for a thing that exists to be eaten. Though, in that perspective, it would be better for them to smile then to frown.

"Alright. I've got to go, take care going home, that the Lords and Ladies guard your person, so forth." She waved her hand a little, feeling accomplished when Moony laughed.

"I'll watch for the lights. See ya!" With that, they turned away from one another, Moony heading back down the front walkway and ENA going inside. She unlaced her boots, listening for voices, but not hearing any. She didn't even hear the sounds of dishes, or any movement, which was enough to make her curious. She unzipped her jacket and hung it up.

The kitchen retained the leftover smell of supper and on the stove was a ceramic pot. From the cabinets, ENA brought a bowl for herself and a closed container for Moony that she would stick in the icebox when she was finished.

She was just sitting down at the table when Papa came into the room. They met eyes, he nodded to her and she nodded back before he went into the kitchen to fix himself a drink. ENA listened to the squeak of the cabinet, the very slight tinny sound of the bottlecap being unscrewed, and subtle burble of air bubbles as a glass was filled. The bottle was kept in the highest cabinet, the one with the lock on it. The key was unnecessary, if you had a hairclip. Papa was brilliant, so he knew about the fallacy of the lock, but he never took it down, and never said anything to indicate that he knew at all.

"Μπορείτε να αρχίσετε να τρώτε τώρα." (I assume that you're thinking deeply.) He stood in the doorway, watching her.

"Yes sir." She said politely, eating a spoonful of the stew she suddenly didn't feel like eating.

Papa walked past the dining room and into the sitting room, where they could see each other. He sat down in his chair and turned on the television, which could not be seen from where ENA was sitting. For a little while, they just listened to the sound of the news report, and then part of a sports game. ENA finished enough of her stew to count as a meal and put the rest in a composting bin. Tonight, it was her turn to put out the pot of scraps, which would them be fed on by scavengers come morning time.

When she was finished with this, she went into the sitting room to take a place on the couch. She folded her hands in her lap, watching and listening as Papa changed the channel. He passed over a comedy show that she liked, but she said nothing. She kicked her legs a bit, she looked around the room.

On the end table was the green, glass bottle and a small cup. She looked up at her Papa, who met her eyes, glanced at the bottle and back to her. Knowing that she had to do it, she got up and poured the liquid into the cup, filling it to the brim before swallowing it down as fast as possible. When finished, she brought the dirty cup out in the kitchen to rinse it out with hot water. Then, she brought the bottle into the bathroom, where it was replaced into the medicine cabinet. Finished, she sat back down on the sofa and waited for Papa to start.

He waited until the medicine had a chance to take effect before he spoke. "I wanted to talk to you seriously, Enakai."

"Yessir." She said, listening.

"In another few days, we're going to be taking a long trip, to my home. It's very different from your home, here. The people you meet will be very different, too. It will be hard to talk to them, since they speak a different language than we do, but I'll be with you the whole time, so I can translate." He took another sip from his glass.

"Thank you sir."

He waited for a minute. "I also want to talk to you more about your family's convictions. You need to know these if you're going to get along well with them. First, I'd like you to tell me in your own words what you've learned about the sensibilities of the family name Sheffield."

She thought back to what he said a couple days ago. "To start, the family Sheffield would have to be compared to the rest of the population, to show that in the end there is no good comparison." Papa watched her and made no corrections yet, so she kept going. "Over the course of centuries, the family has prevailed against forces as mighty as to challenge mankind for his throne as the strongest creature in his habitat, so that they take the claim as the strongest, and deadliest, men of all men, and of all that comes to challenge them."

"Yes, yes." Papa said, as if he were getting bored. "That's good and all, but those are words of a blowhard. What I want is to hear about honor."

"Yessir, I was mistaken." She said. "The honor that the family keeps is separate from the honor of common men. Their place in the world is of a controller, and to exist to balance all other-"

Papa got up from his chair after tilting his head back and finishing off his drink. "Ah, nevermind it. I suppose what I want is just not possible to obtain if you've never stood in front of the great image of death and felt his blood in your body, or stood close to him as his child. It's the child's job to succeed the parents, Enakai. That's what I did for my family, for years. Now I've got you. And now I'm going back to stand at the heels of my father once again. You can go, now." He went back into the kitchen, where she listened to the sound of the heavy glass bottle knocking against the wooden counter. She left before he could return to the room, heading down the hall so that she could go to sleep. She'd need to wake up early tomorrow morning if she wanted to be ready for watching the sunrise, among other more important things.

* * *

"They were incredible people, you know. Just meeting them in person was an honor to most. To work with my family was to work with the best, and shaking their hand was signing a deal that no-one with a brain ever dared to break, just out of respect. We had our detractors, but they couldn't even get past the front gate, no matter how strong they were.

I was their first child. I wasn't going to be their successor, but I was the spearhead. I drove the path for my parents and the real heir, my younger brother. That's what they'd always tell me, I guess to try and make me feel better about it, but I never felt ungrateful. I cut the trail, I was going to be a teacher, a guide, and that was a role that shaped the future of the family just as much as the man who's going to take it over someday. Of course they didn't cheat me out of good teaching, I learned just as much as they did, even more in some areas.

That role was my identity and fulfilling it my reason to live. From the moment those kids came into my life I had their best interests in mind. The way I saw it, our hearts beat synchronously. Of course we didn't all get along, our personalities often clashed. But I cared about them all, they were my responsibility. They were my family. No matter how far they strayed from home, I'd be there to bring them back, and let them know where they came from and what the right answer was. Sometimes they lost track of that... it was only one, really, thought he was real tough and cool, could do it on his own, that type of person. Constantly taking wrong turns and no criticism, but he would always try and dish it out on us. He'd blame us for everything down to the clothes he wore. That kid was a pain, but I loved him, and I wanted to see the best from him, so I was hard on him. I suppose looking back I was a little bit harsh, but it was for his own good. He didn't know the world he was leaving behind, he didn't know what he was giving up.

...God...

To save you the time, I was raised by incredible people who made me feel incredible, and then everything crashed and burned, The End.

...

No, that was not the end. It's still not the end.

I miss seeing them in the way that I used to see them, but it's impossible now. It's too late, the damage is done. I still can't even tell if that damage helped me or hurt me. I mean, it made you guys, and I've got a wife now, but...it's like someone I knew once told me,

It's like a cancer that's always going to be in you; no matter what you do or where you go, that cancer will eat you alive. Even if you cut it out completely, it grows back. Just one move and you're back to where you started. You could be at the highest point of your life and that disgusting piece of you will be there to bring you back down to where you came from as your father's son. That's what happens to kids, they carry their parents with them.

Hey, are you guys okay? Like, am I being an okay dad?

I think I'm doing good.

* * *

Illustration, this time with a card and some oil pastels. A picture of ENA and Moony, in front of the fire.


	4. Thicker than Oil, Dirty as Mud

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Introducing the nicest people you'd ever meet - the Sheffield clan! It dials up the horror aspects a couple notches compared to previous chapters, but there's nothing ever graphically depicted. I also want to say that I'm very grateful to everyone who as been following this story, and I'm delighted to see that you all like it so far! I'll do my best to deliver on time. I'm projecting it'll be done at about ten chapters, maybe less, since every chapter ends up being around 7,000 words even after trimming it down. I'm going to try and make the next six chapters shorter, but have more punch.

Before they left home, Papa took ENA aside and gave her a cupful of medicine, and when she was sufficiently stabilized, he gave her the pellet gun. "Remember, when you get out of the car, you’re going to present arms until I say so."

"Okay, Papa." She said, remembering to point the barrel down at the floor. "Is it loaded?"

"No, you'd discharge it on accident. But you know where I keep the bullets."

She did. Every night, she was sent out to shoot at empty bottles. It was never any fun. It didn't feel right, like she shouldn't be in charge of such a powerful thing, but when she told Papa, he only laughed it off. "You don't know what a real gun is, Enakai. That’s a toy. Believe me, when you hold a real gun, you'll know the high. You feel nervous now, but you'll grow into it. You will."

The way he said it was so sure that ENA couldn't contest it, no matter how much she felt an ache in her belly when feeling the firearm's weight shifting in her loose, unsure hold. She'd forget the proper firing position, and when she remembered it, she'd waste several rounds trying to hit at least one bottle. Only last night did she break down, going inside to get the medicine herself. She used two cups this time because the first dose wasn't working fast enough, and for extra measure, because Papa was on the line, she broke into the liquor cabinet and took a mouthful. There wasn't much left, so she had to be careful that he didn't notice any missing.

Lost in comfortable fuzziness and the feeling of the gun's muzzle circling a knot in the wooden floor, she almost missed Papa say to Merci, "You'll be fine. Keep your chin up, look them in the eye, and they won't pick on you. Give them more than the performance they're expecting, son; give them authenticity, and you'll be more than just passable in their eyes, you'll be starting down the path to being a man."

"Yessir." Said Merci, with his chin up and shoulders straight like a little toy soldier. Mama and Papa even helped him dress up in a sailor's uniform, mostly for showoff purposes, they said. To make him look trimmed and disciplined.

Papa stood up to his full height and headed to the door. "Keep watch of your little sister."

"Yessir." He said again, turning away from Papa. There was a hardness in his eyes, no uncertainty like the kind that boiled up inside of ENA just beneath the mask of the medicine's numbing effect. "Come on, let's go. You've got everything?"

"Yeah." She moved the gun to lay across her back by the strap and took her brother’s hand. Seeing his confidence strengthened her own, even if she knew she couldn't hold it forever. Seeing Papa change his appearance halfway through the trip produced the first trickle of anxiety that would become a surging rapid when they united with even more humans. Real humans, the kind with hair on their heads and pinkish skin, and all soft angles. There was a woman with the demeanor of an eagle and the beauty of a classical socialite that Papa approached first, leaving his family behind him. That lady, ENA knew, was Irene Sheffield, wife of Ezra Sheffield and the Mother of the family. She was not easily impressed by anything and was very practical in all manners of living. She wasn't the kind to embrace emotionality, and in fact was perhaps, as Papa put it, 'I've gotten no colder a reception from anyone but her, no gaze so heartless and mean, and no cruelty as biting and scarring as hers. She's an inspiration to me.'

Mama offered some better advice. Speaking with a Sheffield, she said, any of them, was to play a complicated game. You must use all your wits and consider that your actions have consequences several moves ahead. The Sheffields were the experts, ENA and her family were the novices, so the best they could do was keep their heads above water and be polite. Papa was Ezra's first son, so he received special favors, even after he disowned himself, ran away, changed his name, and married a single mother. His wife and children had no such privilege, Merci especially since he was entirely unrelated to Papa by blood, and as Mama put it, blood was as valuable as oil to the Sheffields.

Papa’s ancestors hundreds of years ago were artisans that specialized in making olive oil and other homemade brews, eventually culminating in their name being worth an old fortune, on top of several restaurants that Grandfather Sheffield opened as a way of making more business.

They also were known for killing their competition, but they advertised that on the down-low.

ENA felt stunned when the Sheffield matriarch noticed them and smirked in a manner that implied mischief. When Papa began talking with Mr. Sheffield, the Missus aimed for the dragon and her children.

Her first target was Merci, and ENA could feel Mama's worry when the woman bent down to look into the boy's eyes. Her white-gloved hands squeezed the end of her cane, shaped like a wolf's head. There was a light breeze that lifted a feather on her hat to make it wave.

Despite all the warnings, ENA felt unafraid for herself. She was visiting the Sheffield Manor because she was broken, Merci didn't have such an excuse for mis-steps. He kept his chin pointed up and his feet together, but when Mrs. Sheffield began to speak, he quickly lost his nerve. ENA didn’t blame him, being taken by surprise as well, wondering if she heard right. Mrs. Sheffield spoke again, in a human language neither of the siblings had never heard before, and Merci frantically looked to Papa for help as he stuttered on his answer. "U-uh, I...

ENA felt her brother's fear like her own, and if she could have, she'd approach the old lady in his place. She knew that Papa would be cross if she moved from standing at attention with her toy gun. Having to stay still and watch Merci’s poise fall apart was maddening. "Come on, Merci, it doesn’t matter how, just say hello!" She whispered.

Mrs. Sheffield gave her a mocking wink before beginning the most insulting part of her demonstration. She cooed in poor Merci's face to imply that he was a stupid little boy, poking his forehead several times, getting rougher when he didn't respond good enough. She slapped at his cheeks, pulled his hair and spat on his shoes before announcing her evaluation of him in a voice that sounded insultingly delighted. Standing up, she said something to Mama, and the spines on the dragon-lady's head stuck out. They spoke to one another in that human language, so ENA took the time to see if her brother was okay.

Merci looked completely crushed by his failure to impress his grandmother. He didn’t even do anything, and seeing this appalling unfairness inspired in ENA a hatred for this woman who thought of herself as important enough to go about picking on boys who couldn't defend themselves. She gripped the butt of her gun, tracing with her fingers the part where her initials were carved into the polished wood. When Papa first showed her that detail, she thought it was a gesture she wasn’t fit to accept. It held her capabilities in such high esteem that she became terrified of failure.

She was wrong to doubt him, for when she was approached by the Sheffield woman, she knew she wasn't going to fail this phony test, if her name wasn't on the end of a dangerous weapon.

Which it wasn't, at least not that Mrs. Sheffield could see.

ENA smiled wide and looked straight into the eyes of the witch. "Pleasure to finally meet you, ma'am. I've heard many good things about you during our travel! My name is Merci, and I am your grandson. That one is ENA, and she's a broken up mess that needs to be fixed. I'm all good, though. Also, I’m a good marksman and a better showman, the best you’ll never see again."

The kind of thrill lying brought her was indescribable. Mrs. Sheffield was now looking between them, and ENA had to keep herself from smiling with self-pride. She reveled in the way the woman’s cheeks turned pinker by the second until Papa decided that good things must only be brief, "Enakai, don't lie to your Grandmother. If your brother can't hold his own, that's on him."

Damn it! She was so close! It was a bitter defeat when the woman turned that deprecating look towards her, and grinned so wide that her teeth showed like fangs. Then, she laughed, a mean-spirited little chuckle that graduated into a spiteful cackle. She put her cane between her legs and lifted her hands up to her forehead, where she pointed her forefingers upward and stuck out her tongue. When she was finished, she said something to her husband, Papa nodding along. He gestured to Merci with an accusatory finger, then to ENA with a hand palm-up, 'just look at what I have to deal with.’

She would have put her own two cents in had she not been distracted by the sound of Mama's tail patting angrily against the gravel driveway. It slapped the ground hard enough to scatter pebbles. ENA agreed, watching Mr. Sheffield take his turn mocking her brother.

Hands in his pockets, Mr. Sheffield spoke with a whispery voice, deep and rough with age and with a level of authority that couldn't be matched by anyone twice as young. Even Papa hadn't that kind of severity. Mr. Sheffield wasn't as openly patronizing as his wife, but he made no effort to hide that he thought very little of Merci and enjoyed his grandson's discomfort as he scrutinized him. ENA knew she was watching a rabbit sitting before a hungry wolf.

She felt the weight of her gun again, and for the first time since she'd held it, she understood why Papa gave it to her. Now, watching the coward stand off to the side while his nasty father grabbed Merci by the shoulder and started to shake him, she felt like the strongest person of all of them. That man was only a little taller than she was. She was scary, she was mean. She could get that man away from her brother. Even if it was just getting between them, she wasn't going to be stepped on for all her life, and her brother not at all if she was there to do something about it.

She had only just decided to take action when a terrible shout cut through the air like thunder. It made Mama hiss, and Merci stumbled back to fall onto the rocks, scrambling to get away. Mama took him back under her arm, her fury barely hidden by her mask. She kept it on perhaps for her children’s sakes and not for the in-laws. Or Papa, who she also included in her glaring match.

ENA looked to Mr. Sheffield, and the instant his gaze met hers, and any kind of bravado she had mustered trickled away into nothing.

Should there ever come a time in her life where she was required to describe what real fear felt like, she would say it felt like drowning. Not like sadness, the absence of a lifeline and caring less about it, holding your breath and relaxing. Fear was suffocating, choking and gasping for the air you needed but couldn't get. Fear was holding onto the rope that could pull you to safety, highlighted by the feeling of not being ready to let go, but rats are eating at the top, picking it apart no matter what you did to shake them away.

When Mr. Sheffield looked at her, the water filled her lungs and the rats gnawed ceaselessly. Briefly, there was Papa's voice, before something pulled her under. She wanted to give up already so that it wouldn't hurt so much, but her body wouldn't let her stop kicking. She knew there was no escape, but fear made her struggle, "I'm sorry! I give in, I give up!" She said, as if she could bargain with fear. Fear was stubborn, listened to no-one and won every time. You can't convince time to stop; time, who was the close friend of fear, teased ENA by reminding her that dying was only an end to fear, a fantasy, and we don't have time for fantasy, this is real life. Time is of the essence, we have so many more things to do, and while she does them fear will be right there, and so will time, assisting until the real end, when there's no more pretending, just acceptance, or struggle. She could not accept that it was her time yet, and struggling was moot, so forever would she rest in between the gateway from emptiness and an eternity of a looping, wasted time that ended in dissatisfaction anyway.

* * *

To the furthest left, there was a big, warm fire that made the whole room orange. Papa must have recently added the fire to his study. Then again, it was hard to tell for certain whether she was at home or no. Was that really fire, or a sun? She felt sure she was missing something more, forgetting and forgetting that she knew she was forgetting forgetting.

She was just on that thought when the door opened, casting a white wedge of light against the far wall before shrinking down to nothing.

"Ena?" Her heart stirred heavily, and she felt her body ache. She didn't want to move and make it hurt more, but - "Papa told me you were in here, and that I can see you now.” That was her brother speaking, she had to move, to see him. It was hard to move her arms, but she didn't need those anyway, just to turn her head and look. He was stepping carefully as he approached her, hurrying as he got closer and practically threw himself down onto the floor, crawling the rest of the way. "Are you okay?" He asked in a whisper. "What have they done to you?"

ENA shrugged. Something was wrong with Merci, but she couldn't place it, and it frustrated her. She reached up to try and rub her eyes but found that she couldn't get them up past shoulder-height. She tried again, no dice. She was stuck, somehow. She looked back to Merci. It was hard to really make sense of it, but the way he pulled his arms around her and started to cry, she knew that she had done something unforgiveable. "How bad was it? My episode?" She was too worn out to really give it the full shame and embarrassment treatment, the whole 'I'm a complete piece of shit' spiel, especially when her brother needed the attention more than her self-absorbed internal monologues. "I'll fix it. Papa's got my medicine, I'll take a couple doses and use the apology that goes like 'this experience given me a real wake-up call.' I haven't used that one in a while, yeah? Yeah, that should do it."

She didn't really get any constructive criticism, Merci didn't seem to be in the mood, so she adjusted her own to suit his instead, giving him time to talk. They sat together on the floor, wrapped up in each other and watching the shadows on the wall flicker and bounce. "I was supposed to take care of you." He croaked.

"Merci, that's a tall order for anyone. I can't expect you to reel in this mess. I didn't, and don't. It's my fault, not yours, so don't take the blame for my problems, okay?" She really wished that they could get this whole witch-doctor mind-mending thing over and done with, if only to spare her brother any more pain, it made her feel really gross listening to him get so torn up over the stupid things she did. If only she had more control over herself, if only she had been kept away from good people like him, he wouldn't have to live like this, or be hurt by her actions.

"Your sad lady is out again." Said Merci, and ENA felt a sting of humiliation, worsened by the tight grip on her wrists that kept her from hiding her face in her hands. It was the face, always the face, which was good because it distracted from people looking at the rest of her, but still, when attention was drawn to the face it was never a pleasant experience. Not being able to hide it exposed her for the ruined, lost-before-they-began kind of person that she could only pretend not to be. There was only so far smiling could take you before people could look beyond the brief happiness, however real it was, and notice that underneath it was a worse person. "Here, you can have this. I've got the face of a Nakamura, but no-one's here, and if they come in, I'll scare them away. Think about how funny that'd look."

In his hand was a smiling, white mask. The eyes were dark, and she could see the floor through the mouth slot. ENA couldn't move as her face was covered up and the ribbon behind the mask was untied and retied behind her head. The mask itself was made of porcelain, and so was kind of heavy, but not enough to feel uncomfortable.

"Thank you." Said ENA. It was all she really could say, without sounding stupid. You can cry all you want when you're wearing someone else's face. You can think and say what you feel like, and it will be okay. She didn't, but it was the feeling that helped ease the weight in her chest, and from that point, she enjoyed her brother's company until their time ran out.

When Papa entered the room, Merci held on tighter, perhaps feeling self-conscious without the mask. Looking through the gaps for eyes, she'd say that Papa was just as emotionally drained as they were. She nudged Merci, "You can have this back, now."

"No." He said and left no place for her to argue with him, unless she wanted him to get more upset. She could feel that nasty tension again, juxtaposed by the warm feeling of being held by someone loved, so she closed her eyes and waited for Papa to say what he needed, focusing the rest of her attention on Merci. "What do you want?"

That was weird. He never spoke to Papa like that. She pulled loose from his arms, useless when he reattached himself right away after being unable to find a different position good enough.

Papa didn't say anything. Something was missing. He looked the same, but what made him 'Papa' seemed to be gone. It made ENA scared, and she felt grateful to have her brother, normal and unchanged. To show this, she put her leg over his, and he responded by moving a little bit.

"If you could get any closer you'd assimilate." Said Papa. There was no iota of humor in his voice despite that being an obvious attempt at a joke.

Silence. Uncomfortable silence.

"Again...what do you want?"

"I wanted to check on you, Mercy. And you too, Enakai." There, just for a second, there was a brief flicker of a difference in his expression, adding to the emptiness even more when it was gone.

"We're fine." Merci started, but changed his mind in afterthought, "But you have to take these off her. It's not right to keep her chained up like a prisoner. She's not a prisoner, Hara! Why did you let them do that to her?!"

Papa looked around the room, admiring the well-stocked bookshelves and old-fashioned decor. "Dinner's ready. Go out with your mother, and I'll release Enakai."

"Release this, asshole!" Merci spat, and kicked out his leg, but otherwise didn't move. "You can do it right now, and I won't be leaving her again!"

ENA felt something dangerous building up. She didn't want to be afraid of her Papa, she didn't have any reason to fear him. He wasn’t the 'fun dad' like on T.V., but T.V. isn't real life, and there's adult things to be done that kept him from doing fun things. The man in front of them, however, was only as much of their father as he looked.

When he approached them, his footsteps were hollow against the woodworking. Merci and ENA watched him, both looking up into his face. Unreadable, totally devoid of feeling. He reached down and took Merci's hand, pulling him up without so much as a hitch, even when the boy struggled.

It happened in an instant, and ENA felt herself shut down for the whole time, the only parts of the confrontation left being this - the sound, the part that stunned her; a blur; the sound of her brother's voice, getting quiet as he left quickly; Papa, not him but the man who took his skin and used his body to hit his son; the sound of metal being moved and the feeling of being picked up and carried away. The man using her Papa's voice as they went down a hallway at a slow pace. "You know, I didn't want to do it, but there was nothing else I could do."

"Mm-hmm." Said ENA, in a daze.

"There's things to be done about boys who disrespect their parents. I've taught this lesson many times in my life, to my brother and my cousin. Don't believe I won't teach you."

"Mm-hmm."

He carried her until they entered a room with a high ceiling, lit with many hundreds of lights. There was a long table meant for many people to sit at, but only a few seats were taken. At the head was Mr. Sheffield, to his right was his wife, and to his left was an empty chair. Down the right side of the table, after the Missus was a big man eating soup. There wasn't anyone on the right side other than a dark-haired young man in the seat next to the empty one at the Mister's left. Next to him was a woman in purple with a burlap bag over her head with holes cut out for the eyes and mouth. The sackhead was chatting with the young man about something, and waved at ENA when she noticed her and Papa come in. ENA waved to be polite, but she didn't really care about any of the new people.

She didn't see her Mama or brother anywhere. Mama wouldn't even fit in those little seats anyway. "Papa, where's Mama and Merci?"

"Don't give me trouble now." He said coldly. Even sitting in his arms wasn't a comforting experience anymore. "Sit here and don't make a scene. In the case that you ignore me and act badly, which I fully expect you to do since it's you, I've prepared for that." She didn't expect him to actually pull out a pin and stick her arm with it. She yelped in pain, of course she did, it hurt, but Papa frowned anyway. "Like that. Don't act up. I haven't used this in a while, but I suppose there's no time like the present."

"Okay." She said, rubbing at the sore spot. She didn't ask him anything more, and especially didn't protest when instead of bringing her to sit with him, he put her next to one of the strange people and walked away. He took the empty seat next to his father. From that point on, he didn't even so much as glance at her.

She gazed out at a point in front of her, imagining any other place. She wished Moony was there. She couldn't cry, it could be dangerous to do that. She tried to say it to herself, over and over, that it was bad to cry and she'd make Papa angry and he'd jab her again. When she stood up against Mr. Sheffield, was that for nothing? Was she bound to lose no matter what? She really thought she had a chance, but with the threat of real danger, she couldn't take any more chances.

She was startled back to reality when the man sitting next to her tapped her on the shoulder. Her hands muffled her frightened shout, and she turned around fast to catch the big man holding his hands up. It was a submissive gesture, but she couldn't be more nervous, biting hard into her fingers. Did Papa hear? Did this count as being bad? Did she already make a mistake? Could she say that it wasn't her fault? Or was being scared her fault?

The big man was talking to her. ENA really felt like crying, and she focused every little part of her down to the atom on keeping Mrs. Sad from taking over. She didn't think she succeeded, because the man had given her a red cloth, and tapped at his cheeks. She hiccupped, it was hard to breathe, and the young man leaned over and kept talking. Talking, talking, about nothing, to no-one. She wanted to let him know that he was wasting his time, but if she tried, would that be bad? She'd just end up crying more, and that would definitely be bad.

She noticed something, though. This man kept looking at Papa, who didn't pay them any attention. The young man next to him did, however, and this simple act had communicated words unspoken. Papa's attention was taken from Mr. Sheffield to the young man in blue, who spoke to him very animatedly about something. Whatever it was, Papa looked down at his plate, and back up at the man, resolved and unwavering.

She was so focused on them that she didn't notice someone new approach her. She would have ignored them entirely had they not spoken up.

"You must be Enakai."

Hearing her own language from a stranger was so startling that at first she didn't know what to say. The person who said it was the woman in purple, the sackhead. “Yessum.” She said, unable to get anything else out.

Humans generally all look the same, but ENA couldn’t help but wonder what was underneath the bag. Was she like a Nakamura, who had to wear masks to cover their horrifying ugliness? Not that she’d ever say that her Mama or brother were ugly, even without masks, but it was only a bare truth that seeing the face of a Nakamura was enough to stop your heart.

The sackhead held out her similarly covered sackhand for ENA to shake, so she did to be polite, even if she felt like washing her hands afterward. "My name is Loucara. It's nice to finally meet you. I'm your aunt, by the way. This guy is Arnou, he's my cousin. To you, first cousin once removed."

ENA didn't look away, unsure of what would happen.

"If you'd feel better eating somewhere else, we can leave. Arnou will stay, the Sheffields don't care if I'm here or not."

This one seemed to be putting up a ruse. ENA shook her head. "I'm okay." She said in very low voice, unable to go any higher or else she really would cry.

The sackhead Loucara didn't outwardly take offence to it. "Suit yourself. I would have taken you to your mother and brother. Probably better to have mentioned that first.” The man seated next to ENA - Uncle? Cousin? Arnou - said something to her in a very natural tone. Even if she didn't know exactly what she was saying, ENA could recognize sibling banter, and felt like she was being pulled in two. One half rightfully feared for her safety, and the other wanted to believe that there was some safe place that she could hide. If this lady took her to Mama and Merci, she wouldn't speak to another Sheffield in her life, let alone look one in the face.

"Actually...I changed my mind. I want my mom."

Again, the possibly-uncle said something mocking, and the purple lady feigned affectionate exasperation. "That's what I figured. It’s just down this hall, here." She pointed to a doorway.

ENA thought about it, and then looked back to her Papa. She didn't like what he was doing. It was confusing, and scary. But she didn't want to leave him, either. Even if it was for Mama, what would he do if he found out? Did he know where they were? If he did, why didn’t he let them come in?

"Giles will talk to him, don't worry. Besides, he doesn't have any kind of authority here ever since he ran away."

"What will he say? Mr. Giles?" ENA asked, not wanting to get in trouble for someone else’s bad decisions.

"That we're going to visit the Nakamuras. They should be out here with us, but the Sheffields own this place, and their word is law, so there's not much that we can do about it, sadly. But I can take you out of this stuffy place. Family dinners were never my thing, anyway." The sack’s mouth was cut into a kind of smile, which was awfully convenient for someone that sounded so positive.

ENA weighed the pros and cons. She really, really wished that Moony was here to help her choose. Moony always knew what to say, and what the right decision was. What would Moony say now, if she was here?

"Okay. I'll go. Just...can we please hurry?" Well. Maybe not like that, snappier. She began to think that even Moony would be quieter under the gaze of the Sheffields, but it was a painful thought, so she pushed it out of her mind before she could finish it.

It was the most relieving thing to see that the purple lady wasn't at all bothered by her rudeness. "Of course! I spoke to them earlier, they're anxious to see you. Come on, there's no reason to waste any more time here." She reached out a covered hand to help ENA down from the chair and bring her to the door. Just before they left, ENA turned around to look at her Papa one more time. He was talking to the dark-haired boy. She and the purple lady entered the hallway and let the door shut behind them.

"Why isn't Papa looking at me?" ENA asked, knowing that it might count as being a pest, but wanting to fill the silence with something. She really wanted to know, too, and if there was anyone to ask, it would either be his sister, or her mother. Then again, even she might not know.

It took a moment for the purple lady to answer. "Papa?" She asked. "Do you mind if I ask you something first?"

"No." Said ENA, even she actually minded and just wanted a straight answer.

"Do you like your...your Papa?"

"I do. Well, I did. I don't really like him right now. He'll get better again, won't he?"

"So you mean to tell me that he's different now?" Asked the lady, ignoring her question. "Does he act different at home?"

ENA was starting to get frustrated with this lady, and almost didn't want to answer. "Yes." She said in an effort to help put the conversation back on the previous track. "But he'll go back to the way he was?"

Again, the purple lady seemed to talk right over it. "That's odd. I hadn't considered that. He doesn't seem to be any different to me, but I suppose you know better. I just want to let you know that you don’t have to like the people that hurt you just because they’re family."

"Well, he stuck me with a needle, but that was because I was being rude. Can you please answer me, now?"

They kept walking down the long, empty corridors. On the walls were various paintings depicting scenes of death in some shape or form. Daemons eating the souls of the damned or being judged by a monster character. Stabbing each other with swords or knifes, or just collapsing on the ground with their eyes boggling. "Enakai, your father is a deeply troubled man who has a phenomenally hard time making meaningful attachments to people besides his parents. From the experience of being their daughter, they're one of this world's biggest sources of evil. Your father is a product of that. That's all I can say, for now."

That was all ENA wanted to hear. Her concern for her father was overshadowed by the sheer joy of seeing Mama again. Being held in her arms made everything feel like it was just a bad dream, where she'd wake up in her bed and Papa would be the same weird but nice man he always was. No spikes or paintings of dead people or evil in the world. She bathed in the sound of Mama's voice, the feeling of her scaly fingers squeezing her tightly, and the smell of her clothes. Mama poured over her, a long tongue reaching out to tap her cheeks. "What did he do to you?" Mama asked.

"Who?" She felt Merci's hand grabbing at her arm. She turned her head to look at him. He had his mask on again.

"No-one, then. It doesn't matter. You're safe. I'm going to talk to your father tonight, if he'll let me. He wanted to keep you out there, but I knew the family dinner was no place for my little girl. There was no way I was going to have you all alone with those- types. I regret even taking you here. We were doing fine, you just needed to go to a different school. We all make mistakes."

"Don't blame yourself for his behavior." Said a new voice, male. "From one animal to another, however, I would have buried him somewhere that scavengers could eat his body by now."

At that remark, ENA turned her head, unprepared for what she saw.

Loucara the baghead was gone. Wearing her clothes, sans bag, was a hairy animal with a long nose and big, ugly eyes. It's black lips did nothing to cover long, shining, yellow teeth, and she could smell it's breath. When it spoke, it's tongue flickered out of it's mouth, "Hello, child." It said. "The family calls me 'it,' but my name is also Loucara. We were born the same day, and we share the same body, so it's natural to have the same name."

"I never asked."

"Ena." Mama warned, but didn't stop holding her. "Don't mind her mannerlessness. We're both happy that you brought her here. I don't know what's gotten into my husband."

"You know as they say - it's a Sheffield thing."

Mama didn't have anything to say to that. She started to rock forward and back, leaning on her tail. Merci climbed up to sit in her lap, too. She had put him in a dress for bed, and his clothes hung up on her horns. She would eventually take ENA's, too. Would they sleep here? It was a dark room, with big piles of hay, and boxes held closed by chains. On the loft above them, there were statues and objects that unsettled ENA for reasons she couldn't understand.

"Loucara..." Mama started, her voice in a low whisper. "If anything should happen...I know I'm asking a lot of you, but-"

"You could never ask too much of me, Missus Nakamura, my dearest sister."

"Your only sister. I'll repay you with my life. I just want to know...I trust you know a way out? Where mother and father can't follow? So that my children can go home?"

ENA didn't like hearing that. "Mama." She said, grabbing onto her dress. Mama closed a hand over hers.

"Of course. It shouldn't come down to that, I'm here to make sure of it. Giles is talking to Lumiere, he can get through to him. He will join us when supper's finished. Speaking of, are any of you hungry?"

"Not especially." Said Mama.

"I am." Said ENA. Merci nodded to agree. Mama looked down at the both of them before taking a glance at Aunt Loucara.

The animal-lady grinned in a beastly manner. "Don’t hold back on my account, sister. It's us who keep this place clean anyway, from their filth. Who are they to call us animals? The young ones have no sin, so never mind me." ENA minded when Mama didn't, and while she laid against her mother's chest, she watched Loucara ascend to the loft. Her hands gripped the wooden ladder, curling all the way around the rungs. Her long nose almost got in the way, and ENA was waiting for it to bump against the lip of the upper floor. It didn't. Disappointing. She forgot about it soon after when there was some shuffling noise, and the sound of things being moved around, before Aunt Loucara's voice came back, the girl one. "Would you like some music?"

"I wouldn't mind it. I feel bitter right now."

"Then it's a good thing we have a player. The wolf, he wasn't a trouble for you, was he?" There was the sound of a hinge squeaking, and a clacking, and paper rustling.

"Not at all." Said Mama, and from seemingly no-where, there came the sound of a violin. ENA searched for where it could be coming from, wondering how Aunt Loucara could play with those fingers of hers. Her answer came when a human face peered over the edge of the loft and smiled down at them.

"Loucara, when is my husband coming back?" Mama asked, as the violin started to sing a more somber song. Her voice was distant. She kept rocking, slowly, soothingly.

"Soon." Said Aunt Loucara.

ENA didn't get to see 'soon,' or hear it. She had fallen asleep. When she woke up, she was still with Mama and Merci, and had been dressed in a nightgown. She would have gone back to sleep had she not noticed that Papa was still absent. They weren't in the hay room anymore, it was a guest bedroom, on a big bed with warm sheets and blankets. On the tableside was a glass of water, half-empty. Mama was on her belly, so ENA laid on top of her back. They didn't normally sleep all together like that. "Where's Papa?" She asked.

Mama grumbled. "Not here."

"Oh." Said ENA, looking around the room as her eyes easily adjusted to the dark. It was typical of a human bedroom, with cloth things all around, and many, many collections. Mama's room was similar, except her style was more attuned to a hoard. She called it a 'collection.' Papa had his own study that he kept clean, but he had a hoard of his own little souvenirs. If he was feeling nice, he would tell the stories behind some of them. She looked at all the portraits of family and decided that she was probably better off not knowing where Papa had gone off to. She did want her medicine, though. Or at least a little drink. "Can I have some?"

Mama growled from deep inside so that Merci scooted away to the edge of the bed and ENA fell off her back. She pointed with a finger to the glass of water on the nightstand, before further reinforcing her pillbug position.

ENA tried to get back to sleep, but sleep seemed to slip further away from her by the minute. She enjoyed the art, listened to the sounds of her family's heartbeats, and recounted days of playing in the yard.

She got up from the bed, crossed the room and slipped out the doorway, into the hall. Like the bedroom, the hallway was saturated with typical human flair, carpets going from one end of the hall to the other, walls covered closely in decorations. It wasn't bad, just different, and she admired every detail as she took slow and deliberate steps into the dark.

"Enakai. You should be asleep."

She turned fast, feeling something in her bristle outward.

Papa watched her from a doorway, covered in shadow. His eyes were very big, and very dark. They seemed to take up more of his face than the rest of it. "That was brilliant, Enakai." He said with sudden reverence, and ENA settled.

"What was?"

"The way you presented your _ka_. Excellent for someone who has only just been introduced to your closest assets, your soul. I could feel it, how chilling! You could have killed me if you didn't recognize my voice!"

"No!" She defended herself, stepping backward.

"Don't dampen your potential. I've given you the means, and you're adjusting perfectly. Only what I expect from my daughter. How I've been waiting for this time to come. It feels like I've been born again!" He stepped out of the room he was in, smiling wide. The sight of his smile made ENA feel like the most special person in the world, and she forgot her anger. "Come here, I'm going to tell you all about your family, the incredible bloodline of the Sheffields."

She didn't know what he meant, exactly, but the idea of spending time with her Papa was too good to pass up, especially when he was being nice to her. "Can I have a drink?" She asked, wondering how far she could go with this.

"Drink?" He asked, opening up the door and ushering her inside. He faltered a bit there. Darn. "I have some cranberry juice."

"Fine then." She went to take a seat.

Papa closed the door and went to the mini-fridge that was sat on a table just out of sight from where ENA had chosen to sit. She pulled her legs up onto the loveseat, feeling tired again. "Your family's strange." She said, thinking less now.

It took him a moment to respond. "They are." He said, with much less enthusiasm than before. By the time he returned to her, he had stopped smiling. He set the glass of cranberry juice on the low table. "You know? I think we can talk tomorrow. You're tired." He laughed a little, forced and humorless. "Maybe your Mama's not so mad at me by now. Say, what do you remember, of this last evening?" He reached out to take her hand, thought better of it, and instead went to pick her up. She didn't complain, it had been almost ages since her Papa had picked her up.

"Nothing."

They walked down the dark, quiet hallway. "I just wanted to tell you that your Papa's weak and stupid. I know you can be much stronger and smarter than I am."

ENA pushed back a yawn to say, "You're not stupid." She ended up yawning anyway. They went back into the bedroom, where ENA was put under the covers. Once more, she fell asleep before she could notice Papa leaving. She did catch before he left just one thing,

"Please, when you can be anything you could ever want to be, never be like me. Don’t let anyone control your life like I let them control mine."

* * *

A couple drawings of Aunt Wolf.


	5. A Bruce Springsteen Song

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some actual violence this time, but it's not graphic. I don't want to spoil it, but someone gets impaled with a stick. Someone gets a bit stabby. General child neglect/abuse on part of the Sheffields. One brief torture scene about an ancestor in the middle. The medicine is used again once at the beginning.
> 
> This one's a long chapter, but the next one should be shorter and lighter.

"You know, your father..." She eyed a family portrait, lips on the edge of her glass but not drinking yet, "never could get a hold of himself. He's stubborn and can't take criticism. You remember the time at the racetrack, right, Kerry?"

He did. He hoped she would let it go but knew she wouldn’t.

"Of course you do, you were the one who started it. It’s like this every week, you deliver me his bull like a skinny pigeon with a fetish and expect me to be on the edge of my chair! You’re not smart, I see you trying to manipulate me. Your _Ba_ isn’t subtle, after all the time I’ve given you to practice concealing it.” When her glass was emptied, she reached for a bottle in a bucket of ice on an end table. Mom liked her gin straight, dropping in a couple of ice cubes but nothing else. “It’s not you that’s making me calm, by the way. It’s my only love, here in my hand. One day you’ll understand your father can’t do shit for you. No-one can, except for me, of course.”

On Monday, Mom dropped him off at school because she lived a couple towns over but said that he was taking his bike as soon as the weather warmed up. In the afternoon, Dad picked him up, which he sometimes did. "Hey.” He was irked today, and Kerry wondered how much longer it would be until he’d be told why.

"Hey." Neutral, not pressuring.

"What, no 'good to see you again?'"

Wrong move. "It's good to be home."

Dad huffed but said nothing else until they reached the back road, where he turned on the radio. It was a rock station, Dad liked classic rock, evidenced by the way he rhythmically tapped the steering wheel and hummed along with the guitar. "Your Khet was out, just now." He said on the third stanza of a Bruce Springsteen song. "You're paranoid, loosen up. You never had good taste in music anyway, but you could at least appreciate the real artists when you hear them."

Kerry nodded and pretended to care about the radio. It was better than hearing about company issues and side-jobs.

They went about ten minutes, the silence ending by the time they reached the bridge crossing the mountain river. As they drove, the radio signal grew weak and staticky. "I used to be in a band, once. My father never cared much for it. I know I say this a lot, but if I had the chance, I would have made millions. Not from this old, shoddy company, hand-me-downs from what's now a pile of olive fossils. I would be living my own dreams, chasing the wind, riding a high that you can't ever compete with."

Kerry watched the trees rush by, close enough for him to reach out and grab a leaf. The feeling of separation, stabilization, a quick swipe.

Dad smacked the back of his head, and Kerry dropped the leaf on the floor. "Pay attention when I'm talking to you, doesn't your mother ever teach you anything? That woman, there's a good reason she doesn't live here anymore. She's the one teaching you these bad manners, I bet. But at least you have me. You didn't even feel that, did you?" He smacked him again, harder this time. "You know, with you, I won. If it were up to me, I wouldn't let that woman taint you with her shoddy excuse for training. She didn't even take you out to practice, did she? No, she didn't. Be grateful you have me, Kerry. Someday, you’ll be great, and teach more great people, and it’ll all be because of me."

* * *

Merci sat on the end of the bed, eating a bowl of cereal and scowling at ENA. He was only mad because he had to drink cow’s milk, which was cold and flavorless. ENA gloated from her place in Mama's lap. "Baby." He grumbled, playing with his food.

ENA couldn't say anything, so she did a hand gesture instead. I D I O T.

He did his hands under the table when he signed T I T S U C K E R.

She did a flourish with her hand sarcastically. B I G W O R D G E N I O U S

G E N I U S

She started to sign 'buttpirate' when Mama pushed her away. “That's all I can take. Get off, you freeloader.” She buttoned up her dress before stepping out of the room with a washcloth and a bar of soap, her little hooves softly tippa-tapping on the carpet. “Ena, be good for your Papa. Mercy, I’ll be right back.”

Today, ENA was going to be cured. Papa had rejoined them earlier, all dressed in red and bringing both breakfast and a very familiar bottle that ENA was happy to see. She enjoyed not the bitter taste but the warmth it gave. "Don't take all of it, that's too much." Papa said, wrenching the bottle out of ENA's tight grasp. "It's important that you listen to my instructions, and that your body defends itself. It can't do that if it's numb." When she reassured him of her willingness to comply, he handed her a white jumpsuit, plain and uninteresting. “This is a special occasion, so you should dress appropriately."

"What’s Ena defending herself from?" Merci asked, caring less about the suit. ENA listened, curious as well. Was she going to have to do a sport?

"You'll understand when it's your turn." So, it _was_ a sport, damn it all.

"My turn? What do you mean 'my turn'? This about curing Ena’s spirits, right? What are you planning on doing?"

"Mercy." Papa took firm hold of Merci's shoulders, "You won't bother us anymore. You will see your sister when she's finished her initiation and not a second before then. You will be satisfied with this."

ENA expected Merci to keep arguing. Instead, he just nodded and returned to his soggy cereal. He became so invested in it that he missed her waving when Papa took her out of the room. Maybe he finally figured out the merits of avoiding arguments, which was a nice precursor to what will probably be a boring one-on-one soccer game. She’d rather practice with the rifle, even.

As soon as they were out of earshot, Papa started to explain himself. "He won't be able to understand what's going on. I was there for my little brother’s initiation, but that was different. Regardless, you are my daughter, and it’s about time I taught you a very valuable lesson. Before we begin, I want to say that I understand if you're afraid. It's natural for someone with no preparation, which I admit is my fault entirely for keeping you so sheltered. It's my mistake that you succumb too easily to your emotions, which is why I'm now going to make up for it. If it's for you, I'd do anything."

So, curling.

They descended a long staircase, leading to a door that opened into the Sheffield Manor’s backyard. The weather was perfect, and they walked leisurely down a stone pathway. In the sky was one bright sun over a lawn full of many plant species she had never seen before. Precisely placed trees with large trunks were surrounded at the base by bushes or flower beds. The grass was so fresh and green that it shone in the sunlight, unmarred by weeds or patches of dryness. They walked past a pool with a rock formation in the center and smooth, scaly creatures swimming in the glassy water, only disturbed by a little waterfall. There was a pen full of beagles baying loudly. Just past this, they walked into a grove of olive trees whose shade dappled their clothes.

"ENA, do you remember when King Berry was fighting against a crowd of insurgents planted by the enemy to weaken his army before the first rebel war?"

"King Berry was attending his third son’s birth while General de Corsica represented him in the war theater. Through him, King Berry's soul fought alongside his men when his body could not. His fighting spirit, his will to live and to succeed, joined de Corsica to sharpen his sword and strengthen his armor, and to keep his mortal soul from entering heaven while there was still a world below that needed him."

They stopped before a stone structure, a windowless one-room building of sizable length. There was no door, just an archway, inviting anyone in and anyone to see. No light entered this room, save from the archway. "Well said." He took her hand, and she allowed him to lead her inside the dark room.

In the center of the room was a lit furnace that Papa checked by opening up a little door in the front. While he stoked the flames inside, ENA gazed over and around. Where the ceiling and the walls met, there were little ropes bundling bunches of dried plants. “Ena, tell me, what's the strongest you've ever felt?" Papa took in his hand a long poker with an end so sharp she couldn’t see it. He dipped it in the fire until the end glowed red, then, he pulled it out and blew on it.

When she was little and Merci was in school, she often felt terribly lonely. Mama never invited other children to play. One day, ENA had looked outside and decided to follow her brother to school. She didn't know where it was, having never gone, but that didn't matter at the time. Mama was napping, Papa was at work. She easily opened the door and walked out.

She hadn't planned on the scorching heat. Within minutes, without water or cool air to breathe, she became dizzy and sick. She had only reached the end of the road when she had to stop. To the right was the road leading to the quarry. Crouched on the ground and feeling her stomach turning, she looked at the tall peak. The boulders formed shady crevasse that could provide respite from the deadly heat, and water to drink from spot were the dew gathered. Only, it was much too far for her to reach. She wondered if she would die there, baking on the ground, to never see her mother, but to provide a funeral in return, a thankless and spoiled action. It was this thinking that brought her home to rejoin her mother on the couch until the bus brought Merci back.

"I could have given up and died, blaming myself for my stupidity. But here I am now. I'm still not sure sometimes if that was the right answer or not, but not giving in to those voices that tell me that I should have just let myself go, I think that was the only moment I've ever had control."

She looked up at her Papa's face, his big, dark eyes. She smiled at him. He returned it.

He took the poker out of the fire and blew on it again. Sparks rolled off the end and onto the floor. “Can you move a little to the left? That’ll do it, thanks.”

She hadn't even felt it until she looked down and saw the pike buried in her belly. Her mind didn't register 'okay, so we've been impaled' quite right, unable to attribute the feeling of her insides conforming around the hot end of the poker to the poker itself. It was when it finally did make the connection that it really started to hurt and her thoughts became, 'we've been impaled! do something!'

Clenching her jaw to delay the rapidly increasing panic, urged on by the thick dampness on her back radiating from a particularly painful point, she reached out a hand and grabbed the poker, pulling it back out. Here, you misplaced this. Clearly, it's not supposed to be inside of me. It is? It was?

"Focus, Enakai. Don't lose focus. It will get worse, but you must not lose focus."

For some reason, this reassurance didn’t do the trick. In her chest was a heavy swelling, a blooming mold that choked up the hole left by the pike. She tried to imagine herself on the battlefield with de Corsica. A row of men lit the fuses of a dozen cannons and with a great boom, twelve massive, leaden balls hurdled towards the many rows of enemy soldiers. The cannonballs barreled through, taking out several men at once. One had a hole blown through his middle, the next lost an arm, the last, everything below the left knee. Every break, every tear, ENA could feel it on her own body, and could hear the screaming of her general's voice, commanding the rest of the uninjured men to "make ready!"

She stood up what was left of her, feeling all her insides falling out, leaving her as empty as a shelled nut.

"Present!"

All around her, the men brought up their muskets. She forgot her rifle but made as if she didn’t.

"-fire!-"

Fire! Yes, fire! It felt like being on fire, burning away to little flakes of ash, only to re-merge so that she could do it all over again.

Papa crouched down in front of her, angling her head so that she would look him in the face. "Tell me what you feel."

"It hurts." She hissed, grabbing a tight hold around her middle to keep from falling apart.

Standing up, he lined up the glowing red end of the poker with ENA's forehead, and with a simple flex, stuck it straight through. "Focus and get through it. It will get worse before it gets better."

She tried, she really did, but it was hard to pay much attention when it felt like she’d rather be a pile of dry dirt than a living, feeling being. She imagined the olive blossoms falling off the tree, the olives being picked and eaten. The hounds chasing a rabbit up and down the lawn, serenading it with a chorus of excitement and eagerness before an explosion of fur and blood signaled the end of a life.

She was on the sidewalk, burning in the heat, feeling the sun watching her with remorseless apathy as another one of those miserable creatures gave in to its power.

Only, she did not. The mighty sun drew back its rays, aghast by the nerve of that horrid little gnat that dared take another breath, and another, and another.

The hounds cried out in hunger, pacing the trunk of a tree as a squirrel sat on a branch and mocked them.

ENA looked up to her father past a curtain of static, hearing no words, nor thinking them, but feeling as alive as she'd never felt before.

Mama said that she cried often as a baby, a continually wretched existence for both. Mama would spend hours of every day pacing the same path in the house, tending to both the baby and young Merci. She looked down at her ungrateful child and whispered in her ears a quiet, peaceful song, until baby stopped screaming and Mama's voice gave out.

"I can see your Khet, Enakai. He is going to be your life partner, and your savior, should you be careless and get yourself into trouble."

"Pleased to meet you." Enakai said, refusing to open her eyes. It stopped hurting now, the previously intolerable pain having dulled into a low, buzzing feeling, rumbling just beneath her skin but unable to harm her any further.

“That was easier than I expected it to be. I'm proud of you." Feeling just a bit braver thanks to his encouragement, ENA looked up into his smiling face and couldn't help but be proud of herself, even if it still, albeit mildly, felt like burning all over.

"I'll sew you back up, and then we can begin the next trial. Come here, be a good child and lay down on the floor for me."

"Okay." Not so gracefully, she flopped down onto the dirt. Her body didn't have any feeling to it, but it was still undoubtedly silly looking. She stared at a point in the ceiling. "What was that all about anyway?"

Papa pulled a needle and thread from his pocket, licking the end of the thread before looping it in the eye of the needle. He bit off the other end, tying a little knot before stitching up the hole. "That was your first exposure to Khet training. I was about a year old, for mine. I had hot coals in my hands. It didn't work at first, but you're an exception, since you're not a full human. See, you've already got skill just through genetics! But you really should stop that crying. I learned not to cry by the time I was half your age."

"I'll try." She said, not aware that she was even crying. She didn't feel Mrs. Sad come out, or any of the others. Did 'Khet' have to do with that? Did Khet push them out of the way? What even was this guy? She didn’t see anyone new. She watched Papa pull on the thread with the needle and the hole in her belly closed up.

Papa then held up his arm, and to ENA's shock, he took out a pocket knife and flayed the skin right off. From his open arm dropped a very small container, and Papa smiled at it, even as the blood came dripping out of the open wound to make a puddle on the floor. With speed and precision, he took out another needle, threaded it, tied a knot at the end and stitched up the hole in his arm. ENA blinked, and the stitching was gone.

"Were you watching, Enakai? Did you see my Khet come out and aid me? He keeps me from experiencing the pain of a wound, and strengthens my body beyond normal human capacity, so that I may store things inside. He also helped heal me, like yours healed you. Look and see, if you want."

She really didn’t want to, but her curiosity was too much to keep her from taking a peek. Her clothes were stained, but the hole was gone, as if nothing had ever happened. Papa handed the little flask to ENA. "This will help you when we move on to the next part of your initiation, the soul. You have in your hands a blessed water that separates the soul and the body. It also leads to some clever techniques when you want someone dead. That would require severing the connection between the two, with a special kind of knife. Would you like to see the soul-cutting knife?"

ENA thought about it. "After you put my soul away."

"Reasonable." Papa said, taking his hand back out of yet another pocket. "Would you like something to eat? I believe I've spilled your breakfast on the floor. I have memorized a mostly-accurate map of the placement of human vital organs and arteries, but yours are peculiar, so I had to aim for your softer side and guess. It seems I am a good guesser." He said this with a pleased smile, clapping his hands together decisively. "Congratulations for me."

"Happy for you." ENA said. The numbness in her body had gone away and was replaced instead by a different kind of affect, one that she would liken to intoxication if her father wasn't there. Then again, what did it matter if father was there or not? "I feel drunk again. Did you slip me some booze while I was bleeding out?"

Papa's paper-thin smile didn't fade in the slightest. "No, but I can have some brought to us. Let's go have lunch, I'm hungry."

* * *

Mom stood at the window, looking at the empty driveway. The smoke from her cigarette lifted into the air, rolling against the ceiling before dissipating. The windows were open, lifting the white curtains just slightly, carrying in the soft scent of late spring to counter against the bitter stench of tobacco. Dad complained about her smoking before, so she smoked while he was out. "You wanted to go to the county fair, didn't you, Kerry? To see the ponies?"

"Yes Mom." The witch doctor had just left. Dad probably wouldn't be back until tomorrow or later. He hadn't taken a hit job, he liked to space those out.

The trouble was with Philippa, the baby. She had normal baby problems, like crying too much and refusing to eat sometimes. Kerry was put in charge of her when Mom had enough. That was his job anyway, to train his siblings. Dad, when Mom was pregnant, gave him a lesson about the duties of the oldest son in the family, that was, to be a surrogate parent when the real parents had to keep up with their jobs, both with the family business and outside activities. He did not have to be loving or doting, just firm and with a steady hand and no nonsense. Teach them practical skills like how to set simple traps, how to dress yourself, the proper way to load and unload rifles both manual and automatic, how to tell your position based on the sun.

Kerry often found himself at a loss with Pippa. When he first met her, she was small and red-faced, and had no hand-eye coordination whatsoever. He had to bring her with him for target practice in the woods, which was a pain when she wouldn't be quiet. On good days, he was given a reprieve from her incessant screaming to show her how to clean and skin a rabbit. She liked it when she could keep the animal fur.

That's what he thought she had when he looked into the crib. He saw the dark pelt and figured that Mom was mistaken, thinking she saw a creature eating her baby when it was really a hide. That was, until its big yellow eyes blinked at him, and its mouth showed off little, pointy teeth. He met eyes with the monster and promptly stabbed it, aiming for a killing blow. To his shock, Pippa seemed to have actually been watching him while he killed the rabbit. She took the knife out of her chest and threw it back at him, removing a hunk from his cheek. At this point, Dad intervened, reviewed the state of the monster, and patched it up. Kerry was sent to the corner for being jumpy and not evaluating all possible scenarios.

Human one moment, animal the next, usually when she got upset about something. When she was hungry, she'd howl, and they had to get rid of any family pets just to be safe. Everyone was given a pair of welding gloves and a heavy apron so they could hold her when she was colicky.

When Dad came home the next night, the fair was over. There was news coverage of it, at least. Kerry sat close to the television, watching the different breeds of horse and naming them before the bar faded in at the bottom of the screen. "It sure as shit didn't come from me!" Dad shouted angrily from the room over. Kerry put his ear to the speaker and turned the volume knob to the right just a touch. Pippa was sitting in a carseat, batting at a mobile above her head. "You could have at least gone for a human dick, you depraved semen-seeking she-devil."

Mom pulled out a handgun and aimed it at Dad's forehead. "Don't swear in front of the kids."

"You know I have you on the CCTV, I'll bring you to court."

There was a paused, and then laughter. Mom put the pistol back in the holster. "Do you want cake? I made some earlier."

"Yes, I was wondering when you'd offer."

* * *

Papa took a bite out a finger sandwich. ENA had some gazpacho and quiche, which she requested because the names were foreign and interesting. Gazpacho turned out to be cold soup and not that appetizing. The quiche was okay. They sat at a table in the garden, overlooking fifty acres of farmland. There was much more at the industrial lots. "I didn't bring you out here to talk about business, however." He wiped his mouth with a napkin. Sensing that he was about to start lecturing, ENA kept her focus on him while she ate quietly and listened. Papa seemed pleased with her attentive silence and started his seminar. "My grandfather had been young when we first discovered the power of the soul. It was when he had been tied down to a table by his enemy, a man named Herbert Eriksson. Grandfather had been shot over twenty times and had his legs amputated so he could not run away. Still, even without a breath of hope, my grandfather survived. He attributed his survival to an extraordinary feeling, one that he describes as not inhabiting his own body, but a piece of machinery. The more he leaned into this feeling, he felt stronger and less afraid, to the point where he lifted himself up off the table - those foolish captors thought he wouldn't need restraints due to having no legs - and beat their faces in. He died a month later, but his discovery allowed us to utilize the soul, all parts of it, to our advantage, so that we may never lose to our enemies again."

The quiche was no longer okay. "Papa, can I ask you something?"

"Ask as many questions as you want." He took a couple of teacakes and put them on his plate.

"Will I ever end up like your grandad?"

Papa paused mid-bite. "Never. I won't allow for it. Those are only scenarios for family members who wish to continue the family business, and all its responsibilities."

"Are you?"

For a moment, he didn't seem to know what to say. "No. I left the family to start my own. I wanted to be with you, your brother, and your mother."

"So, why am I learning Khet?"

When Papa was unable to look at her, ENA felt like she had wrestled a lion. "Because I feel as if I have to teach you."

"Why?"

"Because that's my duty as your father. Now stop asking silly questions."

"No. You're dedicated to your family, to the point where you'd jab me with a needle and stick a poker through my chest, but you say that your loyalty is to Mama and us. You even said that this trip was to fix me, but I don't feel any different. You've been mean, and that makes me sad, and it makes Merci and Mama sad. So, do you want to fix me and go home, or improve me and keep me here to be used like those hounds in the cage we saw?"

"Enakai." Papa sat back in his chair. He studied the look on ENA's face, and she waited for him to continue. "You might really be a Nakamura, because looking into your eyes right now, I'm scared spitless." He started to smile. "It makes me excited. Well, Enakai? Show me then, how angry you are with me. Show me how much you hate me."

Just hearing it began to kill the fire. "Papa, I don't hate you. I just hate the things you're doing."

"Your Khet can be used offensively too, not just defensively. You can fight with it. You're strong, you're a Sheffield."

"I'm an An, or at the very least, like you said, a Nakamura. Your family has so much hatred in it. I don't want to keep it going." What angered her the most was that look of reverence in Papa's eyes, not even close to remorse or regret. "What's so interesting?"

"Your Ka. You're using your Ka. Even subconsciously, you hate me. That's good, keep that up and you'll surpass me yet."

She hardly even realized what she was doing, when she got up from the table and broke his jaw with a single, hard punch. Her own father, the man who raised her, was thrown to the ground without a fight, dripping red onto the concrete walkway. He started to laugh, and ENA, further enraged by the sound of his glee, went in for another blow, but found herself unable to move.

Staring into Papa's face was like staring at a creature with no soul, a monster who instead of echoing the feeling of a heart, of life, it gave back nothing but emptiness. "This is my Ka. Are you scared, Enakai? Do you feel helpless? Do you feel trapped, like an animal that's about to be eaten?"

She did. She hated it, but she did. "I'm not going to be afraid of you!"

"Then attack me, you idi-"

She lunged. He blocked. She threw a left hook. He blocked again. "What the Hell?!"

"Try harder, idiot."

Once more, with vigor, she pulled back her fist. It never made contact, her arm held still by someone stronger than she. ENA turned fast, fighting with everything she had in her. Her heart pounded, and the fear of death overpowered all her senses. She could feel herself resting in her grave already.

"Enakai! Open your eyes, look at me! Enakai!"

Merci, her brother came to save her! She did as he said, finding his face at once. Next to him was the young man in blue from last night's supper, who was the one who grabbed her arm. She was released only for Merci to take his place. "Relax, Mercy. She just got worked up. I haven't met a person yet who hasn’t wanted to break your father's face."

"Mister Kori, don't say that!" Merci pleaded, wrapped around ENA like a constrictor. It somehow hadn't stopped her from getting one more good swipe in at Papa, striking him across the face with what looked like a white ribbon, or an unusually fancy whip. Merci watched it too with a look of puzzlement. "How did you...?"

"That’s the soul, boy. Only those proficient in using their deepest strengths, have been granted access to the energy of your truest state of being, can both use and see them. It so happens that your sister's truest state is angry at your father. Which, again, I don't find any fault in. Still, Enakai, dial it back a bit, will you? He's hamburger if you keep it up." The man called Mister Kori leaned over, looking her in the face. ENA looked up at him from where she was laying back in her brother's lap. "That's it, settle down. It follows your willpower, mostly. Yours is a bit spicy, I've been told. But it's still Ka, so relax and it'll leave."

"Spicy?"

Mister Kori shrugged. "The Sheffields like to experiment with things. They're unique, let's say, and so are you. Everyone's soul has different strengths. Yours is more in the 'attack' than the 'defense,' I can tell that just by looking. Once you're done, we can take a break and come back with a clear head, alright?" As he talked, he reached into a leather sack and removed a cigar and a lighter. ENA watched him stick the end between his lips and snap the end of the lighter a couple few times, guarding the flame against the wind as he lit it up. After blowing out a puff of smoke and visibly relaxing, he said this, "I haven't been able to spend much time with you kids. I only got here because your brother saw you beating the snot out of your dad from a third floor window." He pointed up, and ENA looked up at the tall building and then to her brother. His mask was, as usual, unreadable, but she was sure he was some kind of disappointed. "You work yourselves out in the meantime."

While Mister Kori spoke to Papa, Merci leaned over and whispered, "What was that about, Enakai?"

She watched an ant walk by, leading the march to the spilled gazpacho and teacakes. She felt like warning them about how terrible cold soup was, not wanting the ants to be burdened with a ruined day over a poor choice of lunch. It seemed she didn't have to say anything outright, as when the thought came up clear in her mind, the ants scattered into the grass. Not another ant came back. "Not sure, really."

When Papa finally left under Mister Kori’s insistence, they got up from the ground, brushing the dust and dirt from their clothes. Mister Kori gave her a once-over, ENA jumping up and down a couple of times to prove that she was in good shape despite having been maimed an hour ago. He appeared to take this as an answer. There was a path leading around the farmland, so Mister Kori suggested taking one of the dogs for a run. ENA was just as happy to move on and was even allowed to change back into her school uniform before they left.

Merci was not so easily impressed and remained in a funk. "I still can't believe that he'd do that to you." He grumbled, petting a dog's head. This dog was a wolfhound, big and grey. On its collar was a bell that Merci played with while ENA pulled a dress over her head. "I always knew something was up with that bastard. I can't just leave this alone, ENA, you have to understand why!"

"I do." She said, smoothing out the wrinkles in the fabric before playing with her hair, trying to get it to fall flat over her shoulders. "I just don't think it's that big a deal. It didn't happen to you, so why are you upset? Besides, I got him back good, didn't I?"

"It's not about getting him back, ENA." He said, annoyed. "He shouldn't have done it, plain and simple."

"Oh, you and your technicalities. You've never even been in a fight, let alone won any, Merci. You're too good for that."

"Too good for what, shitferbrains?" Quick as a wink, he grabbed a glass of water and dumped it out over her head, tossing it out onto a short table before leaping out of the room, ENA charging after him with a war cry. The two zipped about the main sitting room, jumping over couches and ricocheting off chairs before finding their way out into the lawn. The wolfhound had started to chase them, frolicking with uncontained joy, bounding about them in excited circles. Merci, looking over his shoulder, laughed triumphantly when the dog pushed ENA over before he promptly spilled himself onto the ground by tripping over a sprinkler head. The way he flipped was hilarious, a somersault head over heels onto the cool grass. ENA panted heavily between her gales of laughter, cackling like an exotic bird. Before long, Merci was laughing too, and all was forgiven between the siblings.

* * *

Dad called them all to a family meeting, one night, while Philippa was asleep in her crib. He had a very serious look about him. Mom, this time, was not called up to lead the discussion alongside him, but instead took her place beside Kerry on the couch. They all knew what the meeting was about, so neither dared to interrupt when Father got to talking.

"The other companies have begun to speak about us. They say that we harbor a monster, and that your mom has taken a trip into the unknown to engage in depraved sexual acts with animals. While I don't deny this information, it is not good for the business. So, I have taken it upon myself to do some damage control. From this point onward, we're going to be doing a little bit of rebranding, let's say, reclaiming our damage. We aren't going to let this take over our lives. Instead, we're making a new one, a new narrative, something that will contain this accident until we can sort it out. From this point onward, you all are going to introduce yourselves under new names and pen your names legally otherwise.

We have become the relations of a frightening creature, to the public. So, then, let it be, that the girl be known as Loucara, the 'loup garou,' as the French put it. The wolf to be afraid of. From this point, I have no daughter named Philippa, but a mercy to a creature with no right to exist. You," He said, pointing to Mom, and Kerry couldn't stand to look at her pale face for more than a second, "are her mother, so from this point you will be known as the Mother of the Wolf, Loumere. I am the Father of the Wolf, Loupere. Kerry, you are Lumiere, the one who will give us light, and show this family's future heir the right path. None of you will have to worry anymore, for I have chosen a more suitable mother to my son, and Lumiere, I want you to raise him right.

I want you all to be happy with what you've got, and if you aren't happy, then you can leave this room and find a new one somewhere in Hell.

You can all leave, now."

* * *

Mister Kori brought them down the pathway, pointing out the different species of bird that they saw and heard, identifying edible plants, and explaining how to tell the difference between a blueberry and the poisonous nightshade. He answered all of ENA's questions about Khet and Ka, explaining that there was even a third and fourth component, Ba and Akh. Merci listened as well as he could, sometimes looking himself over as if he would find his own soul if he looked hard enough. "Ba is the heart, and the one that I think you're most attuned to, ENA. It's also my specialty. Ka is hard to get a control of in general, since it's the very essence of the soul, the core of what makes you, you. That's quite the ground to be messing with, but once you've got it down, it can be invaluable. Ba is just as close, I think. Your feelings, your relationships, those have strength too. If you love someone, or even hate them, Ba is going to translate that energy into something tangible. In fact, what you were using before, that was Ba. It took a moment to tell, really, because of how devilish it looked."

"Looked?" ENA asked, dropping the flower she was tearing apart.

"Not gonna lie kiddo, you looked downright monstrous. Horns, fangs, and evil eyes."

Merci looked between his uncle and his sister, walking backwards. "I always though that the heart was something that inspired peace, not fear."

"We can't all have good hearts, you know." She said, bending down to pick another flower and dissect it. 

"I didn't mean it like that." Merci hung back, causing Mister Kori to stop walking as well. "It just sounds like it looked kind of scary."

"Your face looks kind of scary."

"Touché, carry on."

They kept walking, Mister Kori with a pleased look on his face. "When I was young, I talked just like that with your uncle before he disappeared. He was good company, for the short time I knew him."

Eager to move on from the current subject, ENA and Merci caught up with Mister Kori, hoping that he'd tell them the story of this disappeared relation. They were not disappointed.

"It was a big spectacle here for a while. It's been years, and there's been no trace of him, let alone any idea where he might have gone off to. I was the last one to see him in person. We were young, then. About your age, Enakai. Sometimes I wonder if he was able to grow up like I got the chance to. His parents wonder that too, of course, and every year on the day that he disappeared, we return to that place where I last saw him.

When we met, the first thing I knew about him, just by looking at the exhausted mutt on my doorstep late one summer night, was that he had an insatiable love of adventure and boundless determination to chase it. He spoke little of himself at first and didn't even state his name. Despite living alone at the time, I let him stay for the night, as he seemed urgent about hiding."

"From whom?" ENA asked.

"The Sheffields, you dope. They stabbed you, remember? Why probably tried to get him to do that Ka thing. I don't blame him for running away, then."

"It's a possibility that we've considered.' Said Mister Kori, interrupting the beginnings of a squabble when ENA grabbed a broken branch and wielded it like a club. "Like I said, he was secretive, and didn't even give me his name. He came into my life like a bolt of lightning, bright and beautiful, and gone in an instant, not without leaving a scorching mark in his wake. That would be your father, who came looking for him just the day after he left. This tall, dark, odd-looking man came looking for his ward named Loufrere, and it would be within my best interests to inform him of the whereabouts of his boy, lest I find myself in an unfortunate position for my health." He said this with a gesture of his hands, looking up at the sky and remembering exactly how that conversation went. "I told him that I had no idea where Loufrere had run away to, he was just here last night, but that's all I knew. He left with the stars in the morning of his own accord, just like he left the Sheffield Manor. Your father didn't believe me, and to prove that I was innocent, we looked for Loufrere together. It took days for your father to finally put an end to the chase, but believe me, he never stopped looking for his brother, and to this day I think he still looks for him."

"Ena, remember the pictures?" Merci said in a low voice, poking ENA's shoulder to get her attention. "He said that the only person he wanted to see was his brother, that little kid."

"That sounds like him." Mister Kori said to the inquisitive looks of Merci and ENA. "I moved in with the Sheffields for a little while, to try and get to the bottom of this mystery. I spoke with his parents, and quite easily came to the conclusion that you already have - the Sheffield home is, was, and always has been, an unbearable place to live. Your Aunt Loucara was quite poorly treated due to her being born out of an affair the previous Missus Sheffield had with a creature even we have no idea of. Their cousin, Arnou, was brought in to help out with running the company when your grandfather couldn't handle the stress of raising two families, killing contemporary companies competing with his own, and making olive oil, among other baking goods. He couldn't even bake properly. He knew his job, but was terrible in the home, which was why each and every kid who was born into it ended up messed up in the head.

It wasn't easy, but I got close to your father. He was very stubborn even then, and hardly enjoyed speaking with me, but after a while, I got through to him. I wasn't going to chase after Loufrere when he clearly didn't want to be found, so I focused instead on his brother. When I left the Sheffield home after a couple weeks of being a guest, I told your father to write to me once a year on that date, and I would do the same. This also took a couple years for him to warm up to. He always believed that building relationships was a waste of time."

"How did he meet Mom and have us if he didn't like writing to someone once every year?"

"A good question, and one easily answered. He met your mother while he was looking for your uncle. He went pretty far, and it took him a while to get back, maybe that was why he never wrote back to me. I wasn't there, so I don't know how that all went down, but I do know that when he got back, he said that he met someone that he could never forget and regretted leaving. He regretted it so much that he slept with a woman and got her pregnant. I had to find out when he came to my house, shoved a baby in my hands, and said 'take care of it, please, I don't know what to do.' I didn't take the baby, of course I didn't, I had my own shit to do. I wasn't going to take his accident and raise a kid that's going to eventually ask me who his daddy is, and I'm gonna have to say 'Lumiere Sheffield.' That's an abuse in some capacity, I'm sure. But I told him this - that lady you met, you go back to her, get yourself out of his life that you clearly don't want to be in if you're indulging in escapist fantasies, and raise that kid before you make any more accident children out of this damaging fraction your self-destructive distractions.

He actually took my advice, go figure. A little bit of it, anyway. He came back, turns out he just left the kid with his wife and came back. It's brainwashing, that's what it is. You hear about those who get out of the cult and realize how meaningful life is beyond the wall, but he's not one of those. He can feel the sun on his skin and still yearn for the comfort of the shade, because up until he got the sense in his skull to return to your mother, that was all he knew. It was what he grew up with, what was engrained in his soul. It's why he is the way he is. Of course, he's a massive prick, he knows that, you know that, I know that. And you can't not blame him, but still, there's a place where it comes from, and that place is called 'mom and dad.'

The reason he went back to your mother was because his Mom died, and it shook him so bad to imagine that even death could catch him - he thought of himself as having mastered the art of death but guess what egomaniac? I think that's when he had you, Enakai. He hasn't been back since, up until now, of course. Hey, where's he going?"

ENA and Mister Kori looked over their shoulders, where Merci had taken off running back down the pathway. "He's in a hurry."

"Should we follow him?"

Mister Kori thought about it. "Probably."

* * *

I included not a new drawing this time, but a redraw of an old one that needed it. I didn't realize that my camera quality was that bad until I started drawing on a tablet. It's one of the first drawings I've done digitally, so I hope I've done well. I still want to keep doing drawings on paper, and I'll try to get some better camerawork in the future, probably to add an original drawing to this chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=129kuDCQtHs


	6. The Unkind Inheritance of the Sons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is shorter, and thankfully! Despite its sad tones, I enjoyed writing this one, the ending especially. I'm always going back to check for spelling and spacing mistakes, and doubtless there are some in this chapter, but I think I've caught most of them. By chapter ten, the last one, I'm going to go back and try to make some overall revisions for any plot inconsistencies I didn't catch, and find ways to convey the same story and emotions with fewer words, or better descriptions.

"I think we could have sorted things out and stayed.” Said Papa to himself on the ride home. Mama couldn’t hear nor say anything, her head was out the window. She had to drive this time due to unforeseen circumstances.

ENA sat in the backseat with Merci, whose head was wrapped in gauze, and thought that he couldn’t have been more wrong. Mama said that he had a concussion from when Papa beat him up. ENA wasn't there for that first part, but she sure as shit was there for the second part, that ultimately concluded with Mama driving and Papa sitting in the passenger's seat because he had no arms anymore.

She decided that was the best option when she had seen Merci’s body lying on the ground. Not that she took the time to consider any others, it was more like ad-libbing, starting with all practical sense being forsaken for a wave of blind anger. It took her into the air, flying like a kestrel, aiming for one spot square in the center of Papa's chest. When he moved to block, she reoriented and took his arm off in a single bat of her hand. The appendage was tossed like a stick, landing several meters away. Unsatisfied, she went back for the other arm, Papa now unable to block her save for a single kick with his leg that she was easily able to duck under. When the second limb hit the ground and she found herself having to stop to breathe, she began to think again.

**_the pike_** suggested someone in her head. Good idea, she thought back to it. Thank you. The plan was simple and affective, she took both arms and brought them to the stone-walled room, which was not far away from where Papa was, having returned to the picnic spot to wait for his son to confront him about false parentage and years denying paternal responsibility. Which, if it wasn’t for her brother, she wouldn’t have batted an eye to. Irresponsible fathers exist, she saw them on T.V. all the time. Knowing that it affected Merci, that Papa deflected his confrontation by beating his lights out, that was what made her so completely apoplectic.

She fetched the pike and stuck one arm onto each end, the hands dangling. From there, they easily ignited in the stove, from where she took the show outside. The twirled the stick like a baton, creating a ring of smoking, stinking light as the arms burned up. After performing a couple of neat tricks tossing the pike into the air and catching it mid-flip, Mama told her to give Papa back his arms. She had come out to see what was going on, having been told that Papa had been dismembered by his daughter who was overcome with a spell of rage.

Because it was Mama, ENA did as she said and returned the arms. She said nothing of the pike, however, so ENA arranged it so he looked like a scarecrow. Despite all his Khet, his arms were still crispy and the nerves were melted, so they had to be thrown out. His parents gave him new ones that he would attach to his useless torso when they got home.

ENA felt proud of herself, because Papa hurt Merci, and made him sad.

He was still sad, even after Papa was pulled into pieces. ENA sat on the other side of the car, feeling restless and uncomfortable. She was belted down like a prisoner, or more literally, a teenager in a modified kid’s carseat. She’d say she was both. Mama said that it was to keep her from jumping out of the fast-moving vehicle and killing herself. She had only jumped once before, at it wasn't even on a seventy it was on a fifty, and she only got a broken arm, three cracked ribs, and a bruised liver. They thought it was worth it, and when parents make up their minds like that, there’s no changing them, especially when even ENA herself couldn’t have promised that she wouldn’t jump again.

She tugged on her seatbelts and squirmed, unable to find a good position. There was no radio to distract her, it might have exacerbated Merci’s headache. She couldn’t even watch a movie on the tablet because of Merci’s concussion, the screens would hurt his brain. She didn’t blame him, but that left her alone in her mind, which sucked, because all she could think about was saying goodbye to Aunt Wolf and Mister Kori, who apologized for the trouble even though it wasn't their fault.

"Keep your chin up, help others, and don't give up. I'm sorry about my brother, someday we'll get out of this mess. It'll start with you, when you find peace in yourself, grow up, and become great." Loucara had hugged her before they got in the car.

Mister Kori had been lecturing Papa, who sat on a stool while he had his arm-holes sealed up. When he said his good-bye it was more of an apology, "I shouldn't have said anything, I thought he already told you, I didn't mean to mess things up for you, and I didn't want our first meeting to go like this. I'm not part of this family, so I can't represent them, but I don't blame you if you want to stay far away from here in the future."

She wasn't about to say it out loud, but she thought it. The more they stay away from the Sheffield house, the easier she could live her life. She only started to feel the pressure of the past couple days when watching out the window at all the trees they passed by. The sheer amount and size of the change she had gone through, and was about to begin, was overwhelming already. Wanting to do anything to distract herself from the feeling of impending disaster, she thought about how she could cheer Merci up.

She looked to her right. He rested his cheek on his palm. His legs were up on the seat. ENA kicked hers where they barely touched the floor. "Merci? Does your head still hurt?" She asked quietly just in case it did.

"Yes." He mumbled, not moving.

"Oh. Do you want a hug?"

"No."

She stopped talking and went back to playing with her seatbelt and the inside of the cupholder. She already drank all of her water and didn't know any car games for one. She couldn't reach Merci anyway, but the rejection still hurt. Hugging usually helped her feel better, so she thought it would help him. He didn't elaborate either, so she just had to guess. It was a relief when they reached a rest stop to gas up, giving her more options than sitting and wondering what she did wrong and why nothing she did ever helped anyone.

ENA had been considering a plan involving cheap snacks and gas station presents when her door was opened. Mama unbuckled ENA, pulled her out of the car and handed her the money card. "You're going to pump the gas. You took Papa's arms, so you're going to do Papa's jobs."

On the one hand, she was happy to stretch her legs and be in a new place. On the other... "I don't know how to pump petrol."

"Then today you will learn." Mama's temper was short now, so ENA didn't argue and did as she was told.

"Mama?" She asked when she stuck the gas pump into the hole in the side of the car.

"What is it?" Mama watched the meter and directed ENA to do the same. The numbers climbed rapidly. Two dollars, three dollars, four. They'd change currency when they passed from the human populated part of the world to the lesser traveled, then, into 'no man's land' where ENA and her family lived.

"How do I fix Merci? He's sad, and I want him to not be sad. You're good at making me not sad, and so is he, but he's got a hurt head so he can't help make him not sad, so you have to help me do that for him."

Mama stopped looking at the pump's screen to meet ENA's eyes. She patted her child on the head. "I think the only thing that can do that is the thing that hurt him."

"Me?"

"Your father."

She nodded, beginning to accept that there was nothing she could do when she caught something. "Hey, Mama? Papa's not a thing."

Mama snorted. "Right now he is."

What? She would have asked, but Mama ushered her back into the car. "Nevermind it, just get in. Merci, honey, I'm going to get you something for your head, okay? Some ice and pain medicine. Do you want anything else? Ena can help Papa with the toilet if you want some time alone."

"Hey, I never said I'd do that!"

"Hush, you'll do as I say when I say it."

Merci shook his head. When he talked, his voice was chokey. "I'm fine. She shouldn't be alone with that guy anyway. Come here, Ena. You wanted a hug?" He held out his arms, and ENA practically jumped into the car and squeezed in next to her favorite person and best brother, easily finding a place tucked in under his arm. She didn't hear what Mama said before she shut the car door, going around to help Papa out. As soon as they left, Merci opened up. "I don't even know if he really liked me all those years. He came back when I was young, but not for me, or Mama. He didn't write or call or anything. Who says that he even likes me now? He hit me twice, and he’s never done that. Up until this point was it all just for show?" ENA, ear to his chest, heard his heart beating fast and felt his breaths come shaky. "Does Mama even like me when I'm not really her son? Or is she pretending too?"

She was up before he started crying. It felt bizarre to have their roles swapped after all this time. Even that time in the Sheffield house, he kept some composure, and ENA was just spacey enough to not understand the full situation. Here, he sobbed with powerful emotion, wailing like a baby. Or, a good impression of his sister. "It's okay, please don't cry! I like you, Merci! I love you, I love you a lot, for both Mama and Papa!" That didn't help, and desperate to find a way to make him stop hurting, she grabbed up his phone, unlocked the screen and pulled up a photo. "Look, Merci! It's the one you took of me in the grocery store, when I was on the floor! I was crying because I thought that I was alone forever, isn't that funny? Isn't it?" It really wasn't funny at the time, but he laughed, so she thought he'd laugh again. He didn't even look up.

"Ena, I don't know what to do! I wish I never found out! I don't want my Mama to hate me, or my Papa! Why did it have to be like this, why?" He rubbed his eyes with his hands, reaching up underneath his mask. ENA didn't know what to do either and felt completely at a loss. The only option she had left was silly, but her brother needed her to try anything at all, even the silliest thing.

Changing their positions, she sat up on her knees so that she was a little taller. Putting his head to her shoulder, she thought up the words, cleared her throat, and prayed that the anxiety that gave her the shivers wouldn't affect her voice. To test, she hummed a little bit, a simple but memorable tune that repeated every five or so notes. It wasn't much, and it even deepened his weeping. He held on tight to her, and she gave her voice the dedication she had to her brother, thinking of the lyrics as she went,

My dear, Merci

tormented by the remnants of memory

come close to me, and rest your heart

from the hurt that it's felt recently

In mine, I feel

the steady bond between those of family

no matter what they say to us

there's nothing that will change the way I see you as my brother first and only

When sadness rules

and God will pour you salt

I'll be right there to carry you

to safety

beyond those memories.

It was a simple ditty, and a lot of the lyrics came directly from poems and books she read, but its effect was just what ENA wanted. Merci drowsily leaned against her, kind of heavy but not unbearably. "Look at you two." Mama crooned when she came back, setting the ice down on the center console and opening the package of pills. She handed two of these and a bottle of red juice to Merci, who took them without removing himself from his sister's arms. "Thank you for helping, Ena. Would you like an orange creamsicle?"

"Yes. I think Merci would like one, too." She maneuvered to hold the popsicle in her hand and not drip onto the floor or her brother's head. "He's appreciate it if you thought of him, or went back to get him something nice."

"Something nice would be you leaving the mothering to the mother and the sistering to the sister, alright?" She reached out to squeeze ENA's arm, making the girl smile, before she addressed her son, taking his hand into her big, yellow claw. "Mercy, honey." She said, and there was a brief silence between the three of them as Mama silently read the state of the situation. "Enakai, could you go help your Papa? I left him at the counter."

She didn't really want to leave such a heavy atmosphere and felt very uncomfortable being alone. She tried telling herself that Merci would be fine when he was with Mama. "Yessum." She crawled out of the car, careful of her popsicle and the doorway. "Will you be okay?"

Mama didn't look at her. Merci had started crying again. "We'll be fine...oh, baby, come here." She hugged her son, and now feeling quite useless, ENA looked to her left, to her right, and hurried to the front door.

She easily found Papa standing at the counter and staring at a cup of coffee, a line forming behind him. Being an excellent daughter, ENA volunteered to carry it for him. Not without taking a couple mouthfuls. "Thank you much, ma'am." She said, holding the door open as Papa slipped through. "Right this way, to the lady and the little boy. That poor child, someone hurt him quite a bit. Whoever did it deserves something awful to happen to them-ah! Hey, what gives?!"

Like a freaky chicken, Papa ducked his head down and pecked ENA's popsicle, grabbing the whole thing and swallowing it down, spitting the stick out into a conveniently place garbage can. "You, for taking my lifeline."

"You dirty cheat! I aughta take off your legs, too!" She would have done it if Mama hadn't called them back to the car so they could get going. It did get Merci to laugh, so she didn't feel all that bad as they pulled away from the gas station.

The rest of the ride was spent in silence, where everyone save for Mama got to sleep. It took a long time to get home, and the moons chatting up in the sky at peak night. Seeing the quarry in the distance and a rain rock in the sky, ENA felt bone-tired. Just before they arrived, it was discussed that she would right away be attaching Papa's new limbs. She would sooner eat breakfast and go to sleep, she still had to attend school the next day, but Mama was unwavering and heartless. "Enakai Nakamura, you will do as I say or you'll be tossed into a sun."

She grumbled as she was taken out of her seat and brought to the trunk to retrieve the limb tote. Not only did she have to carry it inside, but she had to unlock the front door. Mama was holding Merci, who had been asleep, and she felt like carrying her boy. While this was nice to see, it didn't mean that ENA wasn't jealous, especially when Mama made him a cup of sweet milk and took him to sleep in her bed. ENA had to stay with Papa and do stupid Khet. She hardly even had time for a wee, which Mama helped Papa with while ENA pulled up a couple chairs in the kitchen.

"You should appreciate the opportunity to practice healing." He said obnoxiously, taking a seat while ENA pulled on some plastic gloves and removed the first arm. "I'll walk you through it. Start with bringing it out, and we'll go from there. To do that, you just have to go by feeling. Think about what it might be like if you could move things with your mind, it's like flexing, but inside."

She flexed but inside, and Papa had that look on his face that she really didn't appreciate. It was a look of reverence, and it was too much for a power that she didn't even like. "Enakai, do you know what you look like?"

"Stupid." She said, holding the arm up and pulling out the thumb to see if it was the left or right hand. She really didn't care but knew that if she applied it wrong she'd have to go back and fix it, and she didn't want to spend any more time with him than was needed.

Papa let her work, lining up the seams to be sewn together with Khet. He turned his head to watch closer. The skin was dark, where the arm and the stump connected, showing that he was using his own power to assist her. "I would have done the same thing, if someone had done that to my brother. If I had been watching me, I wouldn't have let me live."

ENA glared at him, purposely yanking the arm back when it was half-attached. His blinked lazily, but otherwise, he didn’t display any tell that he was in pain. "Loufrere's not here. Merci is. He's your son, your only son, why did you tell him that you weren't his father? Why did you leave him and Mama for so long? Why do I even exist if you don’t like either of them?"

Papa looked past her, then away. ENA continued attaching his arms hoping that the silence would end, but it didn't, until he thanked her when she was finished. "You can do what you like now." He pulled out a single fatty-catty from his pocket and handed it to ENA before he left, going up the stairs, presumably to lock himself in his study.

ENA went to her room to hide the fatty-catty in a slotted bank, shaped like the bank in town. She didn't feel the best about how she got it, but she wasn't going to question having earned good money. Papa could keep his excuses to himself. It would have been nice to know that he felt even a little bad about what he did, and keeping it from them for so long, but he wasn't the kind of person to do that. At least he was going back to his usual routine of staying in his room, which mean that maybe things could return to normal. She hadn't had an episode yet, which she was proud of herself for. Mrs. Sad and Mr. Happy were very quiet, almost suspiciously. Maybe the soul's manipulations had their upsides, even if she wasn't going to let anyone else know she thought that.

Not tired anymore, she went back downstairs to make herself supper. Since Mama was with Merci and Papa wasn't going to come back out for the rest of the night, she decided that supper would be a small microwave meal and a bowl of ice cream. She sat on the couch in the living room instead of at the dinner table, planning to watch T.V., but nothing good was on, just those boring commercials for jewelry or walkway vacuums or hazardous household chemicals sold by a charismatic cryptid man. Just she thought about putting on a DVD, the wall clock chimed four, and excitement raced her heart as she remembered. "Bad guys!" Channel 66, from three to four thirty in the morning! Then it was a half hour for the surgery show, and then the kids channel 'woke up' for the day. Jamming the buttons on the remote, she sat back and grinned as she entered the episode, watching rookie Lieutenant Ula chase a crazy night-owl teen after finding him trespassing on the school's playground. ENA laughed when they caught the teen, and the cameraman focused on his bewildered expression. He shook his head disappointedly when he entered the car, and Lieutenant Ula lectured the audience about what happens to bad guys who aren't good at breaking into private property. "They come for him." She said, taking another spoonful of ice cream as she nodded her head to the theme.

It was during the second commercial break that ENA remembered something else important. She gently set down her empty ice-cream bowl and looked toward the stairs. Mama hadn't come down yet. She might have gone to sleep. ENA had to make sure, Mama would have a whole cow if she came downstairs and caught ENA doing something she really wasn't supposed to do. Papa wasn't a problem, but Mama was another story.

Avoiding the squeakiest parts of the stairs, she crept up and towards her parents’ room, where she started to hear Mama's voice. Rats! Why was she still awake? She wondered if she could get away with it anyway, but just out of curiosity, she decided to have a listen to what Mama was saying.

The door was still open just a crack. The hall lights were off, which didn't give ENA a shadow to betray her.

Mama sat leaning over her son, her hand stroking his shoulders. He looked to be asleep. ENA didn't notice it at first and was taken back when she realized that Mama was crying, just quiet enough so that ENA wouldn’t have noticed if she hadn’t been listening so attentively. She reached up to wipe her eyes under her mask, hiccupping a couple times. She mumbled something that ENA couldn't understand but didn't need to hear. It hurt enough when Merci was sad but seeing Mama sad felt almost as bad as the pike, cutting straight through her heart this time. "Oh, my son, my only son." Mama wept quietly, startling ENA into backing out of the door. She barely caught it, running away just as Mama said, "I promise I will never, ever leave you."

It was too much to hear. It hurt too badly to stay, or to confront Mama about it. She hid in the bathroom, hiding behind the toilet and crying as inconspicuously as she could. There was Mrs. Sad. She wasn't gone after all, just better at hiding. ENA must have spent a whole hour wallowing. Through the window, the outside light grew brighter by the minute. It was grey out when she heard footsteps. When they didn't reach the bathroom, she pulled herself together and crawled across the floor to see who it was.

Mama left earlier. Papa was standing outside of his bedroom door, where he remained, and ENA remained spying on him, for a long time before he entered. Feeling an aggressive spark in her soul, ENA, quiet as a mouse, slipped out into the hallway and positioned herself just outside of the door where she could overhear whatever Papa said or did, and not be found out. If Merci needed her help, she had her Khet at the ready to strike again, and this time, she'd take more than Papa's arms. Attacking his own son while he was asleep, the cowardice, the nerve!

She hung out there, waiting for something to happen that never did. Once in a while she’d think she heard him humming a tune, before it was gone. Then, he sat down in a chair in the corner, picking up a book and opening it to a marked page. The book was ‘the proper man’s guide to business economics.’

ENA got up and went downstairs, having made up her mind. The school wouldn't care if she came in smelling like booze. They never cared about her anyway. She walked into the kitchen, hearing one of the kids' shows musical jingle as she brought the stool out from under the sink. Before climbing up to the highest cabinet, she fetched a pin from a container of odds and ends, easily unlocking the liquor cabinet and removing the bottle of gin. It sloshed in her hands as she stepped down and set it on the counter, going to get a glass. She wasn't going to bother with diluting or mixing it, she didn't have the time. She'd have to get ready for school in another hour, and she wasn't even ready for being alive yet.

She was onto a second glass, feeling warm and tipsy, when Papa came in. His face returned to the normal black and white compared to the strange human pinkish he was while visiting the Sheffields. He didn't pause or show off, walking in, grabbing the bottle of gin, and tilting it back. Once finished, he turned to his daughter on the floor leaning against the stove. He gestured to her with the bottle. "Don't you ever leave me. Promise me that you won't leave me."

ENA, feeling ill again, could only nod. "Okay, Papa."

* * *

She couldn't tell if going to school was breaking the promise, which would be the fastest promise she'd ever broken to that date. Merci was staying home so he could recover from his injuries. ENA wasn't sure that she could do it without him, but knew that she had to, so she left alone. Papa, before she went, gave her a water bottle and some pain relief capsules, as well as the bottle of medicine. He said nothing throughout all this, an awful sadness in his dark, ugly eyes. She said nothing of it, leaving before it got too hot to walk.

When she was halfway down the road, a lizard began to cross, and stopped just over the midline. ENA watched it, looking both ways, before tossing a rock in its direction. It didn't move. "Shoo, you idiot! You're going to get crushed!" Nothing, soaking up the sun. "Suit yourself." She kept walking, feeling bad but not stopping. Silly creatures like that, if they got squashed, it was their funerals to prepare. Callabus-drawn trucks had blasted down that road for years, the lizards should know by now. She wasn't going to take the blame and guilt for someone who was stupid, especially after she tried to warn it!

ENA stopped walking. "It's not my fault." She said, wanting to keep going to school. She had so much to do, having missed days worth of classes.

There was a rumbling sound coming in the far distance.

She turned and ran, dropping her schoolbag and the water bottle. She gasped for breath as she ran, spying the lizard in the middle of the road, where she had left it. Down the road was a team of callabus hauling their heavy cargo, unlikely to stop. There was a thrill as ENA felt herself pick up speed, and dive headlong into the strip of asphalt, feeling the heat blow against her uniform. The lizard squirmed in her hands, she kicked up pebbles and scrambled to get out of the way.

The team driver blew a horn angrily as she threw herself down onto the sidewalk, scratching up her knees. The lizard hopped down and took off.

You idiot.

"ENA!"

She frowned. Either the voices were getting louder, or -

"What the fuck was that? I only see you for five seconds and you jump in front of a truck on the expressway! What's your problem, you absolute dumbass? Do I have to call you a cab to go to school? I thought you were going to get fixed!" Moony hovered close enough for ENA's ear to ring by the time she finally pulled back. "How is it possible that you look even worse than- hey, what's that smell?" She had been pushing against ENA's chest to try and bring her back up onto her feet. ENA leaned on her, concentrating on steadying herself. "Well?"

"Nothing. Spent some time with family. Had some breakfast...I forgot to pack lunch." She picked up her schoolbag and slung it back over her shoulder. She was slumping a little bit more, she must have pulled something out of place. What did it matter, though?

It did matter. Moony was worried, and ENA was the reason she was worried. Once again, you've managed to ruin things, how many times is this person going to forgive your mistakes before she realizes you aren't going to change?

ENA stood up straighter and put on a smile. Quickly, she used Khet to heal herself. At least it had some uses, she wasn't about to let the past couple of days go to waste.

"Ena, I worry about you a lot. This is why." Moony hurried beside her as more suns began to join their brothers in the sky. Moony herself wasn't bothered by the heat but moved quickly anyway. "I thought that when you came home, I wouldn’t have to turn my back and feel bad about it."

"Moony, my closest friend. I'm flattered you worry about me, but I want to reassure that you have nothing to fear. I have returned greater, just as you assumed. In fact, there was no danger at all. Look! Did you see me? Not even a scratch. I just had a thought, and I couldn't help but act on it. So I want to promise you here, I won't leave you."

"You had better not." Moony said, her anger dampened into resignation. "I don't know what to say at your funeral. I'm not sure I could even attend. I’m not good at those things."

"I'm sure you'll be a stand up act at my funeral. Just keep them waiting, and then, when they least expect it, the punchline."

"I'll show you a punchline, dork." She said, bumping up against ENA's side, making her feel more smiley both inside and out. The clouds lifted, and by the time they reached the tunnel going into the schoolyard, she felt more prepared to handle the long day ahead of her. "Oh, also! I was going to give you this earlier. I found it when I was leaving school the other day, so I figured it was yours. I would ask 'does it look familiar?' But...just look and you'll see."

ENA didn't really understand what she meant at first and wasn't sure at first how to pick out what Moony was referring to, she stored everything from snacks to books to pencils in her pocket. But Moony was right - when she saw it, she didn't have any words.

It stared up at her with big, hopeful eyes, dark and familiar. She recognized every part of it right down to the black socks on its feet.

"Creepy, right? Just picked it up and thought I'd show you. I haven't shown anyone else because I thought they'd take it away as evidence of some kind of weird-ass plot. So before they do that, I thought you should see."

ENA couldn't speak. In seconds, she was entranced by the small thing before her eyes, and a connection between them was made that instantly cast away all the terrible things that had happened to her up until that point. Her heart ached, and she felt full of fuzziness and joy.

The doll looked at her, asking to be picked up. ENA obliged, very, very carefully so to not ruin it, she slipped her unworthy hands under its soft body and lifted it up. It had a weight, somewhat heavy, but not terribly. Slowly, she pulled it out of the pocket and out into the world, where the fabric of its hair fell when first encountering gravity.

"...uh, Ena?"

"This is the happiest moment of my life. I didn't need to go away from home and get stabbed by my Papa in order to solve all my problems, all of them disappeared right here."

"Excuse _me_ , what?!"

She repositioned the thing to lay down against her arm. It smiled up at her, gazing innocently. She smiled back, teary-eyed. It looked just like her, it had to be a baby, her baby. She could have sworn there was more to making babies than just having them show up out of a void, but she knew her style of hair, the half-colored face, the eyes, they were all influenced by her, so to some degree, that made it her baby, and her its parent. "Thank you for the baby, Moony. This is a pleasant surprise, and much less blood and agonized screams than seen on T.V. Just when I thought I had no more tears left…"

"No, wait, back up just a sec- about the stabbing part. And that's not a baby, that's a poorly-sized effigy, I think. Like what people use to burn the likeness of disliked people."

She petted its hair with one hand, rocking it and making kissy noises. "I like you too, Moony. I also like this baby more than I like myself."

"I- you know what? I don't care. Go for it. Baby. Knock yourself out. Whatever helps you sleep at night, keeps you sane, whatever. I'm going to class, it starts in a couple minutes. Are you going to be okay today?"

ENA nodded. Baby kept smiling at her, soft and little, entirely helpless to her power. "Yup."

"If you feel any kind of pain, or start noticing strange stuff, burn the doll. Otherwise, don't mention my name to the cop of anything comes up."

"Yup." She started walking in the direction of the stairs. Were babies allowed in school? In case they weren't, she put it in her bag, taking out her blood sample to give to the guard. Babies were too dumb to learn anything, so it could stay in the cubby hole while she learned. If there was anything she knew from the television and her parents complaining when seeing young girls with babies in public, it was that she had to finish school. 'If she had stayed in school and gotten an education, she wouldn't have ruined her life by having a child she can't take care of.' Said Papa once. Then again, Papa was recently proving himself to not be a pillar of knowledge when it came to having and raising children.

She would just have to show him how it's done. She'd do well in her classes with Baby, who insofar didn't hate her yet. She'd keep herself in control, and just to spite him, she'd be even better at Khet than he ever could hope to be. She'd practice even when he wasn't looking.

Mr. Abdulayev stood at the end of the hall, and his ears pricked up when he noticed her. “Good morning, Enakai! You’re just in time. Let’s get started for today. Promise me you’ll behave?”

She smiled to him, feeling the weight of her schoolbag as she pushed it into her cubby hole. She forgot her indoor shoes again, so she took off the ones she had and went to class in socks. Before she went, she took out a mint from her bag and put it in her mouth to mask the smell of alcohol, another habit she’d have to break if she wanted to raise Baby. Good mothers don’t get drunk. “I promise."

* * *

I've made a bigger drawing this time, and it took a long time to draw. I think I'm getting better at digital drawing. I've only been doing it for a little while. It was a lot of experimenting using MediBang and drawing on a computer instead of on paper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I also found a good poem online. https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/48419/this-be-the-verse
> 
> The song that Ena sings is to the tune of 'To Be Forgotten' by Dave Rubinoff. The best version is the remix by the Caretaker (Quiet Dusk Coming Early), and the original is very grainy. I'll put them both up so you can choose which is better.
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RgGM7ulDHgI
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VA8Jbs6_GqA


	7. Dearly Detested

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For once, nothing to warn about! I'm always checking for spelling errors and ways to improve the flow of the text, and new chapters always have a couple errors here and there. I'll come around to fixing them before long. In the meantime, please enjoy! I also want to make special note that I'm very appreciative of everyone who has come to read, and those who left kudos on my writing. It makes me very happy to see such a warm response!

It had just begun the last month of the winter season. On the day of the wild ginger, ENA was called to the dinner table to be spoken to. Her parents regarded her with unspoken expectations as she showed up meekly, prepared to be chastised. She tried to recall all the bad things she had done as she sat down on her pillow. ‘I forgot to take out the leftovers. I left the fan on while I was out. I haven’t sorted the recyclables in the basement yet when I was told to do that three days ago.’

She searched for any indication what she was guessing correctly. Papa was waiting for Mama, and Mama watched her with a confusing happiness. Only Papa was ever so excited to get her in trouble and teach her a lesson. She waited politely for them to explain themselves.

The baby was in the other room watching the T.V., so he - she decided that he was a boy baby despite the sailor dress - wouldn't notice her gone.

"Enakai, did your teacher tell you yet?" Asked Mama excitedly. In her hands was a little cardboard slat used to send hard copy messages. It unfolded continuously and could be folded up into a little cube to be destroyed after it served its function. When ENA shook her head, Mama unfolded the slat and passed it across the table, watching with bated eagerness as ENA took in the words with her own eyes.

_Dear parents of Enakai Nakamura-An,_

_Your daughter has shown remarkable improvement in her grades, and the Ed. Tech assigned to her has reported excellent behavior. He says that her ability to self-soothe and pay attention to her studies have allowed her to follow along with the rest of the class without issue. While there are some instances of emotional disturbance, they have lessened in number and severity, and do not disrupt the other students. We want to notify you that we intend to place her in a remedial class with three other students so that she can receive catch-up lessons so that she may enter the tenth grade with her peers by the time of the next school year. Please call or e-mail us if you have any questions._

She was skimming by the end, unable to contain herself. Still, she had to be sure. "This isn't a joke?"

Mama laughed, shaking her head as she leaned her head down to knock against her daughter's. "Ena, no! Of course not, you're doing really well for yourself, and we're both very happy for you! See, I always knew you could do it. You have talent, and you're very intelligent when you apply yourself." Mother coiled her long neck around her daughter in a hug.

Beside her, Papa pulled out a stack of pamphlets, spreading them out on the table. "I've gathered some brochures for colleges you can attend after you graduate. I'm unsure of what separate plans you've made, but I've compiled applications for reputable business schools. There’s a reasonable amount of choice involved here."

She chose a green flier and looked it over. On the front were some happy words about inviting 'you' to join their institution, promising to equip the applicant with the tools required to break new trail in the world of business administration, teaching marketing strategy, economics, and public relations, among other courses. "For olive oil?"

Papa smiled, something he did rarely now. She felt honored to earn it and gathered up the fliers to look at when she had the time. "Yes. I didn't succeed my parents' business, it was never my destined path. There’s no reason why my well-trained and improving daughter cannot take on such an esteemed role. Like your mother said, you're very smart and have the capacity for making certain choices when it comes down to it. You've showed excellent potential for adapting to change, not to mention the strength in your other lesser seen abilities. You won't be alone in this, but you could very well someday by a very important person. Lots of people will defer to you, look up to you. You could be everything, someday."

"Only if she wants to, Hara." Said Mama in voice that said 'business' more than Papa talked business. "Ena, if there was anything you really want to do in life, what would it be?"

ENA didn't even have to think. She pointed to the living room, where baby was watching a commercial for a new kind of fast food. She got up to grab the remote from the counter, changing the channel to something more educational, the show about people with too much stuff to fit in their houses, before resuming her place at the dinner table.

Mama and Papa looked at one another, Mama sorting her opinions after their own fashion, Mama thinking carefully about what she’d say, and Papa speaking without discretion.

"Childcare is possible while maintaining a proper work life, and I agree that family is very important, when all we have in this world is determined by success both in giving yourself a good reputation and having children to uphold and compliment that reputation."

Mama's tail flicked against the floor, providing a nice beat. "There are some who find good lives as stay-at-home mothers, but don't you want to consider something more...I'm not sure, something that's a job?"

"She's got a good place for herself already. My parents hired nannies."

"That's not the point, Hara."

"The point of your horns, it isn't! Having children is just the thing that women do, and she's born into a golden career opportunity already, which not many people let alone woman, let alone those that are mothers, have! I have the means of allowing my daughter to live comfortably in a good home with as many children as she wants, and if she chooses to continue the family name through the company as well as through descendants, that can allow for those children good lives and her a proper retirement." Without letting Mama answer, he turned to ENA. "You have two choices, sink or swim. Which do you choose?"

"Hara!" Mama hissed.

"Hush. Let her talk."

ENA looked between them and made her choice. She threw up a cudball and started to chew it, watching anxiously as her parents pondered over what that meant. When she was finished, she got up. "Excuse me, I hear the baby talking to me, and time doesn't count itself. I'll consider both of your options. Thank you for the meeting." She left parental in-fighting, going into the living room to check on baby. Parents bickering was troublesome, but normal. She squabbled with Moony all the time, which only proved it.

Speaking of her, they ‘married’ last week out of convenience. For ENA, it was to spare her the shame of having a baby out of wedlock, and for Moony, it was because she helped provide ENA with said baby. “So it’s your responsibility to marry me and preserve my honor.” Said ENA, repeating what her father said the night before. He had seen the baby and pestered her about finding a husband to prevent damage to her and her family’s social status. Until that point, she couldn’t tell anyone that she had a baby at all.

Merci, who overheard this, was fuming. He argued that such values were morally wrong and outdated, and told ENA that she didn’t have to marry anyone if she didn’t want to, that there were plenty of good mothers and women that had children on their own. Besides, giving a jab directly to Papa, ‘he shouldn’t give advice that he himself cannot exemplify.’

That’s why it took so long to get the deed done, but ENA made up her mind in the end, and Moony agreed to co-parent on the conditions that it was only technical, and that she not be married in public. “It would be embarrassing to be seen married in front of my friends, they’d think I was an old, taken lady.”

Really, ENA didn’t much like being married (technically) to Moony, either. There was no wedding reception, only lunch together, which disappointed ENA very much. She dressed up for the night out, but it wasn’t half as fulfilling as she imagined her wedding night would be. Besides that, Moony didn’t have a job and wasn’t about to look for one, which put the onus on ENA to put on the pants and earn some cash. She applied to cook at a local fast-food restaurant, inviting Papa to get drunk and complain about the embarrassment of having the daughter of a successful businessman working a low-income job for insufferable schmucks who couldn’t tell their heads from their asses let alone how to ‘prepare’ (in air quotes) a paper cup of tasteless, cheap coffee. “It’s for welfare-riders and highschool dropouts, neither of which you are nor ever will be so help me. If you want to take care of a family, get a real job.”

She ended up finding a place as a maid at a hotel, a job that she enjoyed despite the long hours and okay pay. She always enjoyed cleaning at the school; it was relaxing, repetitive, and gave her time to think and listen to the radio. On top of that, working paid for lunch, and Moony liked having her lunch paid for as well.

ENA was eternally glad baby didn’t have any needs other than constant physical affection. He hardly disagreed or argued with her, and during the times that he did, she'd find the answer within the next five minutes. For example, if he refused to go to sleep, it could be because he was cold and needed another blanket. Or, if he didn't want to sit and watch television, he might be hungry. After solving the problem, he'd usually go back to smiling and being happy and complacent, which she enjoyed for being able to just spend time with him.

As they argued in the kitchen, ENA picked up baby and held him so that he'd feel safer. When he settled down, his ear to her heart, she continued watching T.V., happy that she was a good student and mother. His closeness was warm, and because he was filled with rice, he had a sturdy weight that felt nice to hold.

She loved him so much it hurt sometimes.

Right now, however, she was pretty sure that the pain in her stomach was of a different kind, that can only be eased by the loving poison. She promised to stop drinking now that she had baby but giving up alcohol was harder than she first thought, and she didn't last the first night without getting shaky and very ill. Mama thought she had a stomach bug, but Papa knew better, and gave her a bottle with marks on it. "Drink only to the line when you feel you can't take it anymore. Then, take your medicine, and sleep."

The credits rolled. Baby was resting, but not asleep. He would see her if she went to take her allowance, which was not the mark of a good mother, so she tried to hold on if she could. She could stay for the next program.

By the first commercial break, she had to get up, leaving baby to lean against a throw pillow. She made a straight shot for the C-line, grabbing the receiver from the hook and holding it to her ear, listening for the dial tome before shakily entering 0 into the rotary. She heard Mama and Papa's voices in the kitchen but couldn't make out what they were saying. The receiver purred to her until there was a click sound, and someone's voice, "Hello, this is the operator, how can I assist you?"

"I'd like to speak to a moon, please."

There was a second's silence, "Understandable. Where do you live?"

"Clioux Mesa City, West Tsentre. Democratic Republic of the Jacobins."

"Of course, ma'am." She was away for a moment, and ENA played with the phone cord, tapping her foot. The T.V. kept going in the other room. She felt so sick she couldn't stand, so she had to pull up a chair, reaching so far with her leg to get it that she tore slightly the connection of magnetic space between it and her body. She yelped in pain, sitting down quick and rubbing her leg. "Are you alright, ma'am?"

"Just dandy." ENA snapped.

If the operator was offended, she didn't let it on. "You're looking to connect with Quarry Peak, right?"

"Yes, I am." More silence. "You should be patched into the main line, and from there, they'll direct you to your moon. Thank you for using SYY services, have a good day." She was immediately cut off by the sound of the phone buzzing, and then being redirected to Quarry Peak. ENA dragged a hand down her face. Her leg hurt, and she could imagine that baby was getting lonely without her. After forever and speaking to the man who gave the moons the phone, she finally, finally got in touch with Moony.

"You should really get a T-line and an arm, it'd be so much easier." ENA groused, rubbing her leg. Mama and Papa went by, hurriedly going someplace. They noticed she was on the line and didn't interrupt, but gestured upstairs, presumably where they'd be. ENA nodded, and they left.

"If you pay for it, they're expensive. I did cop a pretty sick arm from some loser the other day, he had some nice tats. Now I do. So, what's up?"

"My dear wife, I need you to provide me with a timely distraction. I'm uneasy under my skin. Did you know that I'm doing so good in school, I might get to run a business? Papa said that it meant I get to keep my baby, but at what cost?"

"That's good." Moony said in way that sounded like she didn't really care. "How is Egor, anyway?” Moony wanted to call the baby Egor, like the silly henchman from scary movies. ENA wasn't sure how she felt about that, so she only called him Egor when Moony was there to hear. She hadn't come up with a good name yet, procrastination on such an important decision was stupid on her part. Despite having spent a long time pouring over articles on the computer and reading books with many good name suggestions, even having a list of the ones she liked in her room, she still hadn't found one that stuck. She looked to the living room, at the light from the T.V. flashing on the wallpaper, feeling bad for leaving him unsupervised. "His current disposition is most alright. I, on the opposite hoof, am a twig over a waterfall, overtaken."

Moony clucked her tongue. "Is this one of your daymares again? Last time you imagined we went to take the wool from the hospital lab testing personnel. I'd be down for pantsing a sheep, but you totally dreamed that up. Maybe you should go lie down, and get back to me before you dream up another plane of existence, alright?" She hadn't even allowed ENA to respond, giving ENA the dial tone.

“Love you, too.” She hung the receiver back up on the hook and got up from the chair, using Khet to fix her leg.

From the corner, something flashed.

When she went to see what it was, the kitchen was lit oddly purple. Chills went down her back, and she hurried to the living room to pick up baby, who had started crying. He clung to her tightly, and she grabbed a throw blanket to wrap him up in. Somewhere outside her field of vision was a subtle but constant banging noise, accompanied by the howls of a mourning creature. She imagined a grave with many bodies, a memorial dedicated to the lost but never retrieved. There was a man of great importance who guarded the memorial, and sealed ENA inside her house to keep her poison from reaching the pure souls of the fallen. She didn't fight his barrier, keeping baby close and bringing him up to her room. The stairs tilted, and so did she. The walls were unnaturally colored, the stripes sliding off.

When she got to her room, she made quick work of tucking baby into bed and getting out the bottle. Disregarding the lines on the side, she removed the cap and tossed it to the ground, getting down a solid mouthful. She could care less for the taste than the feeling it gave her afterwards, but her stomach was too uneasy to handle he drink and pushed it right back up in a wet, disgusting mess on her floor. She took a smaller amount next time, feeling it burning in her mouth and down her throat. Catching her breath and staring at the stinking pile spreading across the hardwood, she grabbed a towel and covered it up, her energy to care or do anything more completely drained.

She went to get her medicine, taking a cupful and knocking it back. She left the medicine bottle on her desk, grabbing a baby's pacifier and heading to bed. Everything had slowed down, the noises had grown less harsh, and the world settled into a twisted but calm distortion. She buried herself and baby under the blankets, focusing on her son, the way he needed her like she needed him. She kissed him over and over, closing her eyes and trying to ignore the feeling of panic that made everything feel nonsensical and unreal. Humming a song to her back and the million eyes watching her back, she felt the medicine taking effect, and she was asleep before she knew.

* * *

When ENA woke up again, Merci was shaking her shoulder. The only coherent thing she heard was, "I already packed your lunch." He was already washed up, she could smell the overpowering odor of 'too much body spray' and shampoo. "What happened to your floor?"

She forced her eyes open. "Stuff." She stretched. Baby was laying against her side. "I think I had another day-mare. Then a nightmare. Now here we are."

Merci frowned. "That doesn't sound good, Ena. I think you should tell the doctor about it. If that puddle is any indicator."

"Puddle 's nunyer business. I get up'n a second. Gimme a moment." He didn't, grabbing her hand and helping her out of bed, making her body ache terribly. "Ow, hey! If you're going to twist my arm, wait until I have some good information to give!"

He scoffed. "Don't be dramatic. 아침에 너의 헛소리를 듣고 싶지 않아. It's too late for you to have breakfast, so just get dressed and let's go." He yanked the covers off, his usual style, and walked out of the room before ENA could either grab him or throw something at his head.

Baby complained. She tucked him in, at least he could sleep while she was out. Mama took care of him while she was out, so she wasn’t worried about him not getting breakfast. There was a schedule on the fridge of when he woke up, ate, listened to the portable radio ENA bought from the daily auction, took an afternoon nap and woke up to see ENA home from school. Mama, to ENA's knowledge, was diligent and took her duties as babysitter and grandmother seriously, and baby was always waiting for her on the couch when she returned home.

She was actually just going to remind Mama in case she forgot and ended up being the one reminded. Mama was preparing dinner, a large sea bug that was to be marinated, roasted, and seasoned. It was a fancy dinner, and ENA wondered the occasion. "You don't want to miss your first day of new classes!" Mama mentioned as she uncapped a jar of spice and tapped it out over the bug's yellow, exposed belly. It giggled.

"My what."

"Merci will fill you in. You slept a long time, I couldn't even call you down for supper! That's alright, you should be wide awake today, then!" No kindness, no sympathy, none. Mama kissed her on the forehead, the cheeks, the lips, "Papa and I spoke last night, and we want to let you know that you can be anything you'd like when you grow up, no pressure." Without a moment to rest, ENA was almost pushed out the front door after being handed her backpack and lunch pail.

They met up with Moony at the usual spot. "Hey, Ena, Mercy. How's it hangin'?"

Merci shrugged. "The usual. I still haven't heard back from any of the schools I chose. What about you?"

"Bummer, man. I couldn't choose between the Ygrov-Centair School for Aspiring Astrological Beings, or the Hither Calls the Mighty Warrior of the Deep Blue Sky Center of the Lunar Arts. So I just filled out both. I can't wait to see them fight over me." Her grin was malicious and full of dark joy. "You've got good marks, don't see why they can't at least respond on time. Also, I heard online that Ena's going to be joining us today, is that right?" She didn’t even seem to believe it until ENA tagged along where they would normally split off at the staircase. "Well, good luck in your catch-up classes."

"Thank you kindly, Moony. Good luck to all of yours, and to you too, brother." She kissed them both on the cheek, Moony seemed to shy away this time, and didn’t reciprocate when Merci did.

At least her brother was kind. "I'll be thinking of you. I'll see you soon, and don't worry, you'll do great!" Merci hugged her, a quick but loving squeeze, before he went down the hall with Moony, leaving ENA to enter the classroom.

Just like all the other rooms in the school, it had an aesthetic of bright colors and old re-used decorations. It wasn't untidy, but there were hints of it being left alone for many years, such as the blue paint chipping on the walls, revealing an ugly tan underneath. The floors were scuffed up, and the furniture was scratched, dinged, and spattered with paint. It was like a room lost a decade ago, left alone until recently, when the school found a new purpose for it. That purpose appeared to be holding four students and a teacher.

ENA gave a quick once-over of everyone in the room. Papa said once that it was good to perform a simple analysis of everyone she met before they formally greeted one another, so that she could make note of any suspicious details or assumptions that could prove useful. Further probing would be performed during those first several conversations, especially if they were going to be spending time together. This should be done with every one of them.

At least it kept her from being antisocial.

"Welcome and good morning! You must be our newest addition! It's a pleasure to meet you, and I pray that you enjoy your time here! With my help, you'll navigate the maze of learning, dive into the sea of discovery, and resurface with a treasure of undefeatable knowledge! My name is Robert DeVany, you can call me Robert. After all, we're going to know each other well, and friends who know each other well use their names." He said this all in only a couple of breaths, and ENA almost couldn't keep up with the information thrown at her. He was the teacher, and had an outgoing personality. His lackadaisical demeanor could be used to soften any edges and make her let her guard down. She would have to keep a close eye on him. "Take a seat and meet your classmates!" Sitting in a little hovercraft, he went to the front of the room to position himself behind a podium.

ENA did as she was instructed and chose a seat. They were positioned in rows of four, going down three rows. In the first row, on top of the first desk, was a little furry elephant. He was about the size of a teacup and cute as a button, but she wouldn't say it out loud to him lest she step on a nerve. In front of him, presumably to assist with notetaking and classwork, was a tiny computer. He gazed someplace in the distance, waving his itty-bitty trunk. No danger here, at least outwardly.

Next to the mini-mammoth was a boy who slouched like he didn't care about rules. His backpack was looked like it carried many important objects in it that ENA would keep an eye on. The overall dark mood made ENA suspicious from the get-go, but judging those by their species was unkindly, so she tried to not be biased. She couldn't get a good look at his face, which might be a good thing as she thought his eyes might be scary, if the rest of him was any giveaway. He was dark in color, with short fur all over his body, and very long legs and arms. He had a ridge of long hair going down his back, that she could see it standing up underneath his jacket. His nose was fat and long, and tapped against the desk, picking up scents.

Speaking of big noses, the last student was prettier aesthetically, dressed in a fashion many years out of style, as far as she could stretch it while still conforming to the school dress code. Her shoulder-length hair had been dyed purple and was now fading to show the original black. She had a very long, very, very pointy nose that stuck out in front of her face, the end twitching just slightly. She had no visible ears, but she assumed they would be twitchy, too. "Who are you looking at?"

Was she being that obvious? Papa would be steaming. "You, ma'am. I'm getting to know my classmates."

The girl looked at her from the side, with the way her face was structured, she couldn't look at someone head-on. Her eye looked ENA up and down, and she disliked the feeling of being scrutinized but put up with it to not anger the big-nosed girl any further. "Ma'am." The girl scoffed. "I'm a miss, to you, pal!"

"Miss, then. My name is ENA, may I ask yours?" Because non-users couldn't see the manipulatable anatomies, she brought out Ba, who was good for reading hidden intentions. Ka would be for observing the power of others' souls, but Ka had so far been the most difficult of the three to grasp, so she thought Ba would be enough.

"No."

There was a spike of energy, and ENA felt alarmed by how sudden and strong it was. On her tongue was a bitter, spicy taste, like she had bitten into a foul-tasting plant. "Alright then!" She sat down in the seat closest to her, concealing Ba again. What was that? When she practiced with Papa on citizens at the mall, they never gave her such strong feedback. She couldn't spend much time dwelling on it, the other students seemed to gain more confidence, turning their heads to look at her. The little mammoth turned his whole body to see.

The first thing she noticed was that she was right about the dark boy's eyes - big, orange, and set into his head, surrounded by raggedy black fur. He must have shaved recently, as bits of hair dropped down onto the desk to make a pile. He stared.

And stared.

ENA looked away to Robert, and back. Still staring.

Had his eyes gotten bigger? His nose wriggled ceaselessly, and his tongue, long and thin, came out to taste the air.

Although she was afraid of what she might feel, she brought out Ba and used one of its hooves to reach into the other student's heart. A steady beat, deep inside was his own Ba, flowing undisturbed by its user, like all other creatures with the manipulatable heart. 'What is up with this?' She thought, retracting Ba. Her own heartbeat raced.

"Alright, everyone!" Robert clapped his hands together. ENA hoped that the beginning of class would deter the weird boy from staring. "Let's start roll call. I'd also like to introduce to you our newest member of the team! We'll get to that in a second - Justin! I see you there, yes."

Justin was the mammoth, waving his trunk in the air to get Robert to notice him. It made a sound like the lightest toot of a horn.

Robert continued. "Taikai, you're actually present today. I assume you recovered your lost project?"

"Yes." The hairy boy said, after remembering that he had indeed done that.

"Good. Keya, you're here. How's your mother?"

Keya turned her head to make eye contact. Her nose pointed in ENA's direction, and when she opened her mouth, the whole thing split down the middle, showing of rows upon rows of little, needle-sharp teeth. "She's doing well. She'll never swallow her dinner whole again. We need to remind her to eat it in small bites." She said it slowly, so that her tongue flicked around her teeth.

"I'm glad to hear it. It's always good to chew your food thoroughly. Lastly, we have our newest addition. Everyone, please welcome Enakai to our ecosystem. Or, does she prefer to be called Ena, I heard? And does she prefer 'she' or 'he?' Your voice, I can't quite tell."

ENA spoke up so that everyone could hear her confidence and control over herself. "My friends call me Ena, but you can call me what you like. I am a female for the most part. The uniform.” She gestured to herself. “I understand the confusion, and I want to assure anyone that I forgive these mistakes in advance." She tried to make it less confusing, growing out her hair, but there was an incident and Papa had to save it by cutting it short on one side. She wouldn't let him cut the rest. Though she wouldn't say such vulgarities out loud to a public audience, she had all the correct feminine parts, and so considered herself wholly and fully a lady. Mr. Happy was only a part of her, and recently, he hadn’t been showing up, so she assumed that he took a much-needed forever-vacation. If only her voice didn't confuse so many people she met. She didn't mind it, really, and she liked her voices. There was a phase when she was younger that she mourned not having two female voices but came to terms with it after some self-searching.

The class didn't need to hear about that, however.

"That's good to know! Thank you for telling me." He shuffled a stack of papers and cleared his throat. "We begin with some simple math problems. I've been told that you're currently at the third-grade level, so we can start with some review problems. I want you all to make a simple word problem and we'll pass them to each other clockwise around the room. Write your answer in your notebooks. Ena, do you have a notebook?"

Did she? She didn't look in her bag that morning. Thankfully, Merci thought of everything, and she opened up to a blank page. She decided that she'd take a swing at division, something tough so that they would think she's on their level and not stuck in third grade. It was about a mule who wanted to know how many carrots to eat during which time of day, out of a pile of a hundred, allowing herself only a certain amount each day.

The first person she had to pass it to was Keya, who she could have sworn gave her quite the hairy eyeball. She brought out Ba again as Robert handed her Justin's work. He had re-printed it big-size so that she could see. Both seemed to be non-users, their life energy mute to them, which relaxed her a bit.

Justin's work was an addition problem about peanuts that ENA could easily solve. Finishing quickly, she passed it on without looking Keya in the eye, receiving Taikai's from Robert after.

Where Justin’s was easy, this one was a doozy, and she skimmed over the contents to make sure she didn't receive an essay by accident. She looked to Robert, who seemed to understand. "Do you need help?"

"No, thank you." Said ENA, not wanting to look stupid in front of her new classmates. She read the page again, trying to take in all the variables and leave out the stuff that didn't have to do with the problem. As she kept reading, however, she grew frustrated and desperate, more and more unsure of what mattered and what was part of the story.

It started with a little girl whose name was Fujiko, who lived by herself in a big house with no-one to share it with. She spent every day going out into the town and looking for someone who would live with her, but no-one wanted to because they thought she was unattractive and stupid. She was very hurt and sad but tried again because she wanted someone to keep her company that badly. There was a whole paragraph dedicated to what candy she likes, and where it started to have a hope of being a math problem, when she didn’t have enough money to pay, the story solved itself when a nice man paid for the candy instead.

ENA kept reading and re-reading the text, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't find any trace of an actual math problem. It was just a soap opera in written form...

She decided to pretend that she knew what he was talking about, passing it on to Keya and taking hers from Robert. "How did it go?" He asked, looking at the blank space on the sheet of paper.

"Creatively. Good English lesson." At least Keya understood the program. Hers was also creative, a cryptogram that could be solved by going through simple addition and subtraction problems, the resulting number being equal to a letter in the English alphabet. It was fun up until she filled in all the letters.

I W I L L B U R Y Y O U

P G R O U N D A. S C H.

Keya looked at her with the one eye narrowed and made a gesture with her finger.

ENA felt her soul wilt.

* * *

"Yup. She wants to brawl." Said Moony when ENA showed her the message at lunch. Merci was with his friends, so he couldn't join them that time. "You're going to have to square up."

"But I don't know how to square up! I never passed geometry!" ENA wailed. It was hopeless! How could the day be so disastrous?!

"Put up your dukes, at least you have them. Just fight her. I know Keya, seen her a couple times in computer class. Pop her in the schnozzle and call it a day."

ENA would have liked to have gone home anyway but knew that if she ran out on the fight, Papa would call her a coward and probably disown her. So, regretfully, ENA stood outside the playground, trying to precisely predict a schnozzle-popping scheme that would result in her success and Keya's defeat.

"So, you've finally showed!" Came a braggadocious voice. Keya was perched on top of a wire structure, her head turned to the side and grinning at ENA. Over her face was a mask of black, and spreading out on the ground was a tall, dark shadow. When Keya tilted back her pointy head to laugh, the shadow laughed too, making a deep rumbling chuckle.

ENA felt light-headed, watching it bounce around like a dog on the end of a chain. Sometimes, it got up from the ground, leaping into the air as a glob of oozing, black tar, creating gaps from which many mouths emerged.

"So, you can see my Ba, can you? You don't know how long I've been waiting for this! I thought that me and Teacher were the only ones with this power, but when I saw you foolishly take out your weak-ass Ba during class, I couldn't help myself! I've been itching for a duel for sooooooooo looooooooooonnnnnnggggg!" Her mouth opened and her teeth poked out like razors. She cackled loudly, a whooping squeal that ENA couldn't stand to hear.

"Enough of this! I give in, I lose! I always do, it won't be worth it to fight me! If you're going to do it anyway, just make sure to kill me quickly, alright! It's about time someone did finally it!" She buried her face in her hands, unable to watch her own death. She knew it would be painful, and it was just what she deserved, someone to finally take her to the place where she was destined to go all along.

Someone’s hand was on her back, and from it came a strange and unexpected warmth. Her hand starting to stroke down her back. It left a fuzzy feeling in ENA, who looked up at the big-nose girl from between her fingers. She was overcome with emotion and shaking all over, but it was slowly dissipating. Still, she had to ask, "What's with you? Don't you realize how futile that is! Fighting is worthless, just end me! I know you want to, I can read your mind! Everything I do on this earth amounts to nothing, even you can see that? Don't you have any pity in that big snoot of yours?" ENA choked on her own tears, coughing and gagging as she fell to the playground's asphalt. She could just bash her head open on the ground, but it was better for her enemy to do that, or to stomp on her like she was a spoiled fruit. She could hear Keya coming closer, it was curtains for her! The end, the curse on this world will be lifted!

Again, there was the hand, and this time Keya had started to poke her face with her snout. “Oh, poor creature. It seems I misjudged how to use my Ba. Now you don’t want to fight?”

ENA shook her head, finally feeling understood.

“That’s just too effin bad.” She didn’t have time to process it before she received a fist to the face, snapping her head back so far it might have come off if the punch was any harder. Her ears rang and her neck hurt horrifically. She laid out on the pavement and it took a moment of just doing that to get her vision back.

She was poked.

Poked, like a little tap. After being completely walloped.

WHY IS EVERYONE BEING SO MADDENING AND NOT DELIVERING THE KILLING BLOW?

“Why aren’t you killing me?” ENA whispered.

The bird girl scoffed. "Rude. Do you know how disappointing this is? You're the first real user of the manipulatable anatomies that I've found in this world, and you turn out to be a self-loathing suicide-fetishist. This sucks. I heard you had a brother, though. I'm going to see if he's a loser like you, or he's got some merit to him. You can stay there, I'm not interested in helping you get off." The beaked girl got up from where she had been crouching, looking at ENA down her nose.

She turned to walk away.

Mistake.

General Napoleon de Corsica was full of himself when he was alive. He thought he could control the world with his military prowess. He even wrote a book of tactics to instruct future military leaders. Of course, ENA read it. She could hear a voice in her head, perhaps Napoleon's guiding her to - 

**_never turn your back on your enemy, even when it seems that you’ve got them beat._**

The second that ENA's fist made contact with her spine, the beak-girl made a noise like a dying corvid. Her whole body leaped into the air, stiffening to try and protect herself from further assault.

_**act quickly while the enemy is dazed. don’t wait for them to recover. if they do, find their weakest point, cut down their defenses, and aim for the artery.**_

ENA ran underneath her, bringing out her Khet and reaching up to grab Keya's leg to examine her strengths and weaknesses. Almost instantly, she was cut off, pushed back by having her feet pulled out from under her. She landed hard on the tar, knocking the breath out of her lungs.

**_never accept defeat_**

Above her, Keya circled in the air, letting out a screech of joy. "You'd best catch me before I get to your brother, you miserable wench! I won't waste any more time with you!" She landed, ENA predicting where she'd go and swiping below. Keya threw a punch with her shadow, a big, black glob that splashed over ENA and momentarily blinded her. "You idiot! This is my victory, Nakamura!- Ow!"

The shadows disappeared. ENA could open her eyes, jumping up to take what she thought was a good defensive posture. Keya had stepped back, rubbing at her face and whining. "That really hurt! Who did that? Who interrupts an honorable battle? And at my high point, too..."

"What are you talking abo-ouch!" She was shot! In the chest! Someone aimed for lethal results.

About damn time.

"See?! Whoever's doing it, show yourselves! You better have a good reason for keeping me from beating the stuffing out of this weakling, here!"

"Oh, weakling? You know that if we hadn't been sniped right now, you'd be on the ground."

"Up yours, Nakamura. Say, is that paint? Or do you bleed green?"

ENA looked down at her shirt. Sure enough, it was a lovely shade of emerald. She touched her finger to it, smelling the green residue. "Paint. It's on your face, too."

"Put up your Khet. Someone's coming, I can sense him. From behind the school, over there. I'll bet you ten fatty-catties that's the motherfucker that interrupted my wiping the floor with your stupid face."

"I'll take it. And language, there might be kids here."

Keya was halfway between another bickering comment when she was interrupted by the interloper. ENA almost didn't believe it when the scary kid from class, Taikai, came sauntering out into the open lot, carried on tall, stilt-like legs. Was all this class trying to kill her? They were doing a really terrible job, and, no offense, she wasn't going to count on Justin to carry them to a last-minute victory. "She's right, you know. It's not very polite to swear in public."

"You wanna go, asshole?" Keya spat. ENA watched her bristle, her Khet prepared for the attack. ENA extended hers. She could feel Taikai’s Khet, stronger than it was in class.

Where he was giving Keya a glowering look, he turned his attention to ENA instead, immediately changing his tune. It was the first time that she noticed the four tusks coming from his mouth, two on the bottom and two on top. They were short, easily overlooked at first glance. She watched them as he talked, “So, you’ve noticed my Khet? You’re not very good at concealing your anatomies, are you? They’re so very pretty, your _anatomies_.”

ENA looked down. Her skin was white with her Khet. She hadn’t considered him to be subject to opinion of prettiness. “Thanks, I made him myself.”

Keya growled in annoyance. “He means your tits, deadbrain.” She gestured to ENA’s chest, which she immediately covered up with her arms. She still had a shirt on, what were they talking about? Did this school have asbestos in the food supply? Good thing she brought her own lunch… “There’s better ways of flirting than shooting people, Taikai. Then again, you never were a master of getting your dick wet.”

He shrugged, holding the paint gun in the air and trying to act cool when he was clearly flustered by her words. “That’s not at all my intentions, Keya. I was just making an observation, you can’t say that she isn’t a very pretty girl. Besides, I couldn’t just let my classmates kill each other before we’ve really had a chance to introduce ourselves. If you want someone to spar as much as you keep mentioning, it would perhaps be more productive to _keep them alive instead of killing them first thing_. You've been slacking on practicing concealment, too.”

Keya's eye twitched. "Why, you-!"

"No, no. He's got a point. It’s getting late, and I’m glad we could spend some time together, but I've got a baby to get back to. See you two tomorrow!" ENA smiled as politely as she could make it and started to walk away, keeping Khet out just in case anyone tried to stab, or shoot, her in the back.

Worse, they ran to catch up.

"Wait, waitwaitwait a minute!" Taikai easily caught up with his big gait, even as ENA sped up. She could feel Keya following behind them. "You have a baby? With whom? Who is he? He can't make you happy if you're resorting to fighting to get your frustrations out." He seemed pretty ticked.

"You heard me correctly. He looks just like me, though I didn't give birth to him. My friend Moony - she's very scary, she knows geometry, if you must know - gave him to me. She found him, and I'm not sure that's how babies are made, but he's mine now, and I'd like to get home to him. I'm running late, and I must be going. I'll. See. You. Tomorrow. Sir." She must have said the right thing, and felt good saying it, because he stopped following her at the gates, about the time that Merci came to get her. He had stayed after school with his club, and she was just in time to see him. She broke into a run as soon as she noticed that neither Taikai nor Keya were following her.

“Hey, Ena. I guess art class went well?”

She lied and said it did. She also lied about fighting, that she had a good day with no complaints. Injuries? No, you were seeing wrong.

As always, Baby was waiting on the couch. ENA went to sit down with him, happy that baby asked no questions. Still, she couldn’t help but dwell on how much that boy didn’t like baby. How do you dislike someone you’ve never met? She pulled her legs up onto the sofa, holding baby in her lap. She didn't really feel much like being a mother right now. To take her mind off it, she turned on the T.V. and went to get a snack, hoping that she'd shake the feeling and go back to loving her baby like she did that morning.

The baby leaned against her. ‘It’s okay. I can meet him tomorrow, and he’ll like me.’

ENA thought about it. “He’s kind of scary.”

‘Not when you’re here.’

She smiled and hugged him tight. “Thank you. Say, how do you feel about the name ‘Napoleon?’

* * *

"Big brother?" She was laying on his bed again.

"What's up?" He was practicing mimicking carrying bricks.

"You guys forgot. At least my baby remembered."

He looked at her, an eyebrow up. "Forgot what? I thought I put everything in your bag. You know, you shouldn't rely on me to get your things done. That's your responsibility, you're getting older and I shouldn't have to look after you anymore! You shouldn't have had any homework to turn in, not that I saw. I put in your lunch, a notebook, because I knew you weren't going to do it yourself. Actually, I think I'm going to get you a planner and an alarm clock. I know you were sloshed last night." He gave her a very hard look, hands on his hips. "I get that you're going through some changes, and that it's been hard lately for all of us, but that's no reason for you to engage in such delinquent behavior!

Maybe I shouldn't be so hard on you. You were probably just watching us. I know I've been hitting it a little hard lately, but still! I don't want to see you end up on the streets! You have so much potential to be better than all of us put together, and I swear to Runas I'm not going to let you throw that away for some stuffy old guys a thousand leagues away!

I also know that it's not good for you to see us fighting all the time, and every time it happens, I feel bad about it. Maybe there's something I could do to stop it, but it's hard when it's Hara. He's a rotten bastard. After all these years, could never tell me that I'm his son. It couldn't kill him to just reach out a little bit? All this time! And what about Mom? She had, and still has, no reason to stay loyal to him, especially now that he's getting to be even more of an asshole.

Sorry, I'm getting heated.

What was it we forgot?"

"You know, day before yesterday, day of the goat. The 'Dad works late, we eat microwave dinners, Mom and Merci stay up to loudly discuss family trouble over fermented grapes' day. That day. Or, perhaps this is less important, maybe it would get in the way of your soul-searching, but it was also my birthday." The clock chimed seven. "My show's on. See you later."

She left down the hall, leaving him frozen in position. She sat down and turned the knob on the television. It sparked to life, and the news report came on, detailing a report on a recent car wreck.

"-in downtown Snakeroot Pass, the couple was purportedly drunk-"

**_"Fuck-!"_**

She smiled, and covered Napoleon's ears. "Language. The baby's watching tragic accidents happen, you don't want to start delinquent behavior."

* * *

I've got a couple of character references for Keya and Taikai (no Justin, I figured he was self-explanatory). They're very simple, and I'll probably improve them in the future when everything gets an overhaul.


	8. The Debutante

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Show that Starts with Broken Hearts, preparing for the Curtain  
> is the entryway to bitter days, the worst has come I'm certain  
> I fantasize sometimes a world in which we both could stay  
> but doing so ignores a rule the living must obey  
> I'd do anything so that you wouldn't see the bitter end  
> My aching heart keeps hurting  
> my body will decay  
> my broken soul won't mend  
> and yours just goes away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> READ THIS PLEASE - Today's chapter contains a rape scene, towards the end, and everything before leads up to it. It's not violent or graphic, there's no heavy language or descriptions, and it's very brief, but it's still there and I want people who are vulnerable, or anyone who is uncomfortable with rape scenes to know that. At the end note, there's a recap of the relevant details so that readers can continue the story if they want to skip this chapter.
> 
> As always, there may be some spelling errors in the text, and I'm constantly re-reading to find and get rid of them, but any particularly egregious ones have been fixed, as far as I know.

ENA sat in the dark on her blanket in the early morning of Doronic. Napoleon was still asleep, and she tucked the blanket over his little body while she dealt with her problem. “What is it that you want?” She asked, having reached the end of her rope. She kept her voice low to not wake anyone up. Napoleon stirred a little, and she petted his cheek and replaced a little pacifier in his mouth to settle him.

**_you_ **

She put her face in her hands like it would help separate her from the voice. Mama was snoring in the other room, but she couldn’t start her allowance yet. She always really needed it after school. She’d normally take her medicine, but medicine can’t quiet the soul. “You already have me. What more could you want?”

**_to put it to the flame, to polish it and show the world my armor that cannot be bent and my sword that cannot be broken_ **

After checking one last time to make sure Napoleon would be okay alone, she got out of bed and took a torch with her. She kissed her fingers and pressed them to her baby’s hair before tiptoeing out of the room. “You sound like my Papa.” She said once she entered the hallway, shutting the door behind her.

**_scummy bitch_ **

“Ah, that’s more like me.”

The voice was quiet after that. He would come back, but she wasn’t going to wait up. Papa said it was her Ka, her soul, speaking to her. Unlike her other anatomies, he had a given name, Nendono, and if she trained with him, he would be less of a problem, and she’d even be able to use him like she used Khet and Ba. He never was summoned on command, and she had no control of when he appeared or what he said, but someday she would have that control.

For now, finally having some control over herself, she ate a snack and went back to sleep. She listened to the silence and briefly sent up a prayer that Mr. Nendono take a nap.

He must have heard, for he was silent all day, until the very end.

ENA’s family had chosen that day to celebrate her birthday. They were all very kind to her, and Moony had especially been nice that day, which should have served as a hint for what was about to come. She was very good at hiding her plan. Come nightfall, she went up in front of the family, tapping her fork against a glass to get their attention. “Mister Nakamura, I’d like to request a favor from you, that I take your daughter out tonight to see a movie.”

In the corner, Mama and Merci giggled into their half-empty wine glasses, sharing hushed comments as they glanced between the other occupants of the room. Unlike them, Papa took the proposal very seriously, and ENA, who had just come down from putting Napoleon to bed, took a place ad Moony’s side to make it clear who she was supporting in the argument. She held Moony’s hand tight, Papa’s deep, dark eyes could stare right through the soul. “I suppose.” He said, fixing Moony with his endless gaze. “You won’t slight this act of kindness given for the sake of my daughter’s heart, and betray my trust or my daughter’s trust, will you, Munako Mochizuki?”

“I won’t, sir!” Moony said, gathering all her nerve to look Papa in the eye and speak clearly. On her surface, dust gathered and roamed in thick clouds as magnetic storms brewed.

From the back of the room, Mama laughed. “Oh, Papa! Let them go have fun. They’re already married, and Enakai’s eighteen now! Let her enjoy young love while she can. Don’t you remember your first date, Mercy? I think we still have the pictures from prom night! You looked just adorable in your tux! Stacey was very cute, too, but of course, you know.”

ENA and Moony left before they could be caught in the reminiscing, Papa watching them all the way down the road. Holding onto Moony’s arm, ENA felt warm and soft inside. “I forgive you already, I did before you even said anything. It’s okay to forget someone like me.” She said, hoping it would make Moony feel less in debt.

“No, it’s not!” Moony looked so guilty that ENA herself felt guilty for making her feel bad by being born. “I was watching the T.V. at home, and all of a sudden, I got this revolution!”

‘Revelation.’ ENA thought, stepping over a rain-rock.

**_smartass_ **

“I’m not going to be the kind of wife that sits at home and cries about bullshit while you’re having a hard time! It must feel really shitty to have someone forget about you like that, especially someone you trust to _not_ do that. So, I don’t think this makes up for it, but I want to at least make you happy. So, do you like dinosaurs?” She was very persuasive, and nothing ENA said could sway her. “I’ll pay this time. I’ve got some money from my very important job.” She said, winking in a goofy way and making ENA laugh.

That job was actually at the cinema. Apparently, she started working part-time there and had been so busy with her first real work schedule on top of homework that she had gotten distracted from everything else.

**_she can get distracted from her wife’s birthday by shoveling popcorn into cardboard boxes, how averagely precious, endearingly disappointing, heart-meltingly half-assed_ **

“Moony, have I ever told you that you are amazingly precious, delightfully endearing and have melted my whole heart?”

“…dude, there’s a line. But thanks. You too.”

When they sat on a blanket borrowed from the lobby, watching the giant projection of a lizard monster, ENA felt the bond between them was irrevocably strengthened. She knew she needed to feel it again, and very soon. It was intoxicating, the feeling of love and closeness to someone else, amplified when Moony allowed herself to be held that night, which she never did for anyone. As a moon, she was very cold, but ENA brought a heavy jacket and hugged her close and tight, a smile on her face that felt like it would never leave.

**_you can feel that little tingle between your legs as well as I can. you’re always such a child, be a woman, it’s your eighteenth birthday get drunk let loose show some tits you starchy, conservative old biddy_ **

“Stop it.” ENA whispered.

“What’s ‘at?” Moony asked, looking away from the screen.

ENA quickly grabbed an excuse, “Nothing, just talking about the scientists. Really makes you feel bad for that monster, how they made him to destroy, and kill him when he does as he’s made to do.”

**_indeed, so stop blueballing me_ **

“Yeah, I guesso. But it does look cool when they blow him up.”

The best part happened just as Moony brought ENA home. “I suppose, if it ever comes up again, you can tell your friend that we’re married.” She said, nervously playing with her hair. “Just because it’s easier than giving him the whole runaround, you know? I’m responsible, I’m a good person. I can stick to my guns, right? Just don’t give him the ‘two kids and a house’ idea, though, I still want to be young and free, but grown up and dedicated. There’s only one kid anyway. So…thank you for tonight and make me look good when you talk about me!” She quickly kissed ENA on the cheek, letting ENA reciprocate before they parted for the night. Moony never kissed like romance, she said it was too soon for that. ENA agreed, she wasn’t ready either. What they had now was enough, no matter what anyone said. No matter if she did feel a little warm between the legs, or the growing want to be hugged and never let go of.

That night, she sung to Napoleon before tucking him into the little crib she had for him. She painted it herself, a nice shade of purple. After assuring that he was indeed asleep, she went to bed herself, sleeping peacefully after taking her medicine and the last bit of her daily allowance. She was starting to get jittery by the time the movie ended, but she did her darndest to keep Moony from seeing.

She was still trying to get sober for both Moony and Napoleon, but it was hard when everyone else was doing the opposite. Papa drank more often in his study, and Mama spent her nights in the kitchen listening to some CDs or watching a movie in the living room over a glass of wine. If he wasn’t busy, Merci joined her and they shared a bottle while commentating taped foreign-made ballet performances and boring operas.

She thought it was bad to drink in the family home, which was the reason she was trying so hard to get sober in the first place, and every outside advice agreed with her assumption. When they started drinking, she hid in her room and did her homework or called Moony on the phone to talk if she was available.

It used to be that Moony was the only other person than her immediate family that she’d talk to, but recently, Taikai had gotten braver and spoke to her on multiple occasions, usually to be a major pest about ENA’s ‘husband.’ She had to correct him only after she got Moony’s permission, knowing that she previously wanted to keep their marriage private.

She hoped he wouldn’t be weird like he was with Napoleon. As planned, she brought Napoleon to school so the class could meet him. Robert politely accepted ENA’s baby and offered to feed or change him as needed while ENA focused on her classwork. Keya said that Napoleon was less of a baby than she was, and Justin shook Napoleon’s hand with his trunk. Taikai was just awestruck; his eyes got as big as plates, his breath was taken, his jaw fell open. For the next ten minutes he couldn't quite gather himself, glancing anxiously at Napoleon, specifically his skirt. Napoleon’s clothes weren’t attached like with some toys, so she gave him a diaper made of a cut hankie and dressed him back up. She wanted to give him pants, but having never owned any other dolls, she had no other doll clothes. She also wasn’t that skilled a seamstress, so she paid Mama twenty-chocolates to make some doll pants. Mama accepted the job and not the money, and ENA liked when she could sit and chat with Mama while she sewed.

Mr. Nendono mentioned it first, and for once she agreed that it was strange that her toy had some very realistic girl parts. She thought about bringing it up to Mama but decided not to. It seemed rude to show off other people’s private parts, especially to one’s mother. She also wanted a boy doll, giving her more incentive to ignore what was between his legs.

Taikai asked one afternoon if they could swing together after school. She accepted, feeling happy that she might have made a friend. It was like chatting in the classroom, until he started griping about the girls’ school uniforms. He said that the matching shorts underneath the skirt was a poor design choice. “It takes away from people’s ability to appreciate your beauty.” He said, watching ENA as they both went up and down like pendulums.

“They’re always under the skirt, so no-one sees them. I suppose because of that, it doesn’t matter if they match or not. The high school uniforms don’t have matching shorts, but you can sometimes see under those by accident, so maybe they should.”

He frowned as they passed each other by. “No, just get rid of the shorts altogether.”

“But why?”

“Just try coming to school one day without them, it’s a cool style, and the girls I talk with say they do it all the time. Maybe you’ll like it.”

It was a stupid argument, but it did make her curious. She thought about bringing it up to Moony, but she didn’t wear the girls’ school uniform, let alone any clothes save for the odd decoration or shoe. Thus, she wouldn’t know any matters about shorts. She let it go for the night, and the next morning when she got dressed, she considered it again.

She stood in front of the mirror and looked herself over. She flirted with her skirt, looking at herself from every possible angle. It really wouldn’t show… she pulled off her shorts, folding them up and putting them back in the drawer. It felt cold and seemed pointless. She’d just have to see who noticed, and that should decide it.

“Merci, how do I look?” She asked when she went into the living room. He was sitting at the computer and printing something.

He only glanced at her for a second. “Normal.”

“She looks pretty, like always.” Said Mama, who was eyeing two different cuts of meat. One was a fish and the other was a fowl.

ENA went behind the counter, hugging her Mama’s arm. Mama leaned into her, kissing her head. “So, you didn’t notice anything different?”

“No…” Said Mama, stepping back to look her over again. ENA grabbed her skirt and pulled it further down. “I’d notice, I look at you. Just don’t color your face yellow.”

When she was ten, she tried to make herself one color. It didn’t look convincing, and she had to be an hour late to school scrubbing off the paint in the sink while Mama made sure she got all of it. “It’s not that, Mama. I love you, and I’ll see you after school.” She kissed her Mama’s cheek before grabbing her backpack. Merci caught up with her and they went out the door. ENA was proud that she was right, in a sense. The shorts didn’t feel like they really make a difference, which was her argument, wasn’t it? She could still brag, she decided.

“Hey wife, hey brother-in-law.” Moony approached them slowly. She had a foot, today. That foot was put firmly in a roller-skate, and she slid towards them, propelled by her own levitation ability.

“Looking fly, Moony.” Merci said, watching as she skated around them in circles. “Very in. In the nineties.”

“You’re just jealous you don’t have one. Don’t hate ‘cause you can’t skate.”

Neither of them noticed ENA breaking the dress code, too distracted by her wife’s amazing skills. She was feeling pretty full of herself when she sat down with Tai at lunch. “Bingo, I win, foolish boy.” She said, waving a cheese-filled breadstick. Some sauce dripped onto the table.

“Yeah.” He said, nodding and looking away. “I’d feel even more foolish if I could see.”

“Uh, you _can’t_. That’s my _point._ It doesn’t feel any different, either.”

“Yeah, I get it. I bet your husband would enjoy the sight, though. Just want to affirm it.” He shrugged, as if he was just stating the truth and nothing more.

ENA felt herself grin on compulsion, knowing that he was once again, wrong. “I can tell you now, so you can stop saying that. I have a wife! She’s really great, we went on a date the other night. She’s sitting with her friends right now.” She nodded in Moony’s direction, watching Taikai’s expression change into one of bewilderment, and then something else indiscernible but concerning, nonetheless. He almost seemed bothered, not even glancing in the direction ENA indicated towards. He stared right at her, as if trying to decipher something difficult to comprehend. “Is everything okay?”

He nodded, looking very serious, as if taking in and decoding some very important, hidden message in ENA’s plain words. “I’d like to meet with you this afternoon, you know that blue building on stilts just above the ball field?” ENA did, but she’d never been in. “Good. I’ll see you there?”

“I suppose. Can we meet on the playground instead?”

“I don’t feel like it. Just trust me on this, it’s good that we meet there. And don’t tell anyone, I don’t want a single person to walk in on us.”

ENA nodded, crossing her heart with her finger. Someone was entrusting her with a secret, even she could tell that.

 ** _i bet he’s a crossdresser_** said Mr. Nendono. **_that’s how he knows the feeling of a free skirt the guy doesn’t have the social skills to chat it up with girls_**

ENA kept it in mind, seeing the flags when Taikai looked here and there to make sure no-one overheard their plans. “Okay, I won’t tell. I’ll see you there.” When leaving the cafeteria, to avoid talking about her own experience, she asked Moony how her day went. Moony had a friend whose Mom was trying to make a business out of harvesting pearls from sea-chicken eggs.

She didn’t get to speak with Tai during class. Just as she’d been building her friendship with him, she’d been similarly growing her rivalry with Keya. Both girls respected Robert and his rules, no fighting during school hours, so they confined their enemyhood to glaring, making faces and passing notes in the form of paper airplanes or balls of crumpled worksheets. ‘Duel?’ Asked the back of one.

Keya loved to duel. It wasn’t lethal anymore (that ENA assumed) and was more about practicing their abilities. ENA knew how to block with Khet because of Keya. “Sorry.” She whispered when Robert was picking up exam papers. “I’ve got business this afternoon. Maybe another time.”

“Business with who?” Keya asked, sounding peeved by the rejection.

ENA felt bad for pushing her away. “Confidential conspirations, compadre. Company concealed carefully, can’t concede the contents. Again, my sincerest of apologies.” She made and handed to Keya a drawing of a flower, that it might appease her and make her less upset.

“Okay.” She said after puzzling through what was said, looking at the flower. “It’s no funny business, is it?”

“Oh, no no no, nothing funny at all. Just a formal meeting held in privacy.”

Keya didn’t seem satisfied. “Alright, but who’s it with? Is it a guy?”

ENA figured that it wouldn’t hurt to say at least that. There were lots of guys in school.

Still, Keya seemed to be conflicted, and after a moment of brainstorming, she waved ENA to sit closer, flattening a piece of paper and grabbing a pink pen. “Here, look at this.” She scribbled a stick-man and with a blue colored pencil, drew a ‘t’ over his body, so the horizontal line went across his chest and the diagonal line went down from his head to between his legs.

ENA nodded when Keya look to her for an opinion. “The Khristos.”

She rolled (presumably both of) her eyes, “He was crucified in the hands, not the boobs. The point is, if he touches you anywhere the cross touches this stickman, use your Khet. Don’t bother with weakening his heart or soul, just the body. Fight like we fight. Once he’s down, get away.”

ENA nodded to say she understood, but she didn’t. “Okay…but why?”

 _“Why?”_ Keya parroted, like it was the stupidest thing she ever heard.

ENA looked down, feeling scolded. “Nevermind. I’ll just do it.”

Thankfully, Keya didn’t keep up the fight. “You really are hopeless.”

Okay, that was rude. It kind of hurt, too, and occupied her mind into the next lesson, to where she could no longer pay attention to what Robert was saying. By the time he passed out the next exercise, she had to excuse herself to the corner. During the teacher’s meeting, it was discussed that she could do that to a certain extent, so long as it didn’t significantly disrupt her learning. She felt like it didn’t, and Robert was usually nice and let her sit out when she needed it. “Can I please take a break? I don’t feel very good right now.”

Just as she’d suspected, he smiled, taking her worksheet and pencil. “Certainly, Ena. Keya can help you catch up when you’re feeling better. Let me know if you need me to help you, or I can get the nurse who can provide you with your medicine. Keya can sit with you too, if you’d like her to.” He said, looking at the bird girl. She looked around as if to say ‘that’s unfair!’

ENA didn’t feel like telling her that it was entirely fair, since she was the one being weird in the first place. “Thank you, but I want to be alone. I’ll be alright.” In the corner, she thought about the cross. Why did Keya make it? What was she thinking about? Not even Mr. Nendono had anything to say about it. She was able to return to class after ten minutes. Keya was nicer, then. She led ENA through the worksheet step-by-step. It made her insides flutter, and she felt soft and warm again. Maybe it was because Keya was mean before, and she was nice now, which meant she didn’t want to really hurt ENA.

Taikai made it clear after class that didn’t feel the same, taking ENA by the arm and bringing her to a place where they couldn’t be overheard, behind the projector screen. He leaned in close to say in a low voice, “I don’t like that Varadkar girl. We’re going to wait until she can’t follow us.”

“I don’t think she will.” ENA said, slipping out from behind the screen and going to get her schoolbag. “You guys just don’t like each other, I can see it. You two should make up-oh! Excuse me!” She stopped short, having to backpedal when Kai ran in front of her. He would have pushed her over if she hadn’t caught herself on a desk.

“You’re missing the whole point! She’s going to interfere, don’t you get it?!” Again, he got very close to whisper, “There’s a room in the basement no-one goes to after hours. We’ll go there at half-past. That’s fifteen minutes. You can stay with me, I don’t want you running your mouth again. You’re like a baby sometimes, cute, but not smart.”

The change was so sudden and startling that ENA didn’t know what to say at first. “O-okay.” Maybe it was a male thing, to be forceful and have a short temper. Papa and Merci were like that sometimes. She was female, so assumed it was just something she wasn’t meant to understand. Like with most things in life, it was just something to nod and say ‘yes’ to.

Taikai brought ENA around the room to show her all the school supplies, picking out some he thought she’d like. There were little colorful ursae in a bucket, and some blocks that they used to make little houses. Once, Robert brought out some colorful cubes so ENA could practice division. She showed Taikai the trick she learned. “Interesting, you’re getting better at it.” He said, and thought his tone was a little awkward, she felt pleased that a person her senior recognized her growth.

“Am I getting to be as good as you?” She asked. He was good at maths when he wasn’t working on writing.

“Maybe.” He said, cryptically.

They left after everyone else was gone, going to the front of the building. Taikai told ENA to ring her parents to tell them that she was studying after school with a student friend. “Don’t wait up for me.” She said, watching Tai giving her cues. He put a lot of importance on the words she used.

“Good job!” He sounded very proud when she hung up the B-line. “Now that we’ve got that out of the way, we can go and hang out together, just you and me. It’ll be fun, trust me, I brought some stuff that should help out.” The basement was down a long stairway and through a windowless, metal door. He got in by using a key. “My dad was your grade three teacher, so I have some faculty keys that I had copied. I can go almost anywhere I want in this building.” The door swung open heavily, and ENA felt nervous staring into the darkness. It smelled musty and looked like no-one had walked in it for years. She started to back away, but Taikai caught her. “It’s okay, there’s a light. It’s all mechanical, so no spy bugs.” He reached up and flicked a light switch. The old-style lamps flickered above their heads, and ENA had to think very much of what King Berry would do when facing a dark, ominous hallway. When Tai grabbed her hand and pulled her inside, closing the heavy door behind them, she thought about the King and focused on breathing evenly. “I know this place, and you can trust me. I’m your friend, and nothing’s going to get you while I’m here.” He smiled to her, and ENA believed him.

They stopped midway down the hall, entering a room that Tai unlocked with a different key. He had a whole bunch stashed away in his backpack, and ENA wondered if they could get into the cafeteria and take some ice-cream. She didn’t get to bring it up, her attention stolen by memories resurfaced upon seeing the old props and backgrounds to the school plays.

Merci was a theater kid from the start, and every recital or competition that he was in, they attended. ENA fondly recalled the nights where Mama would dress them up nice, the excitement was tangible, and Merci was glowing with pride in his hard work. Everyone in the family enjoyed seeing him on the stage, united under the brilliance of the son. She could smell Mama’s perfume and hear the clapping of the audience.

She looked up into a trellis. It once had beautiful flowers woven into the wooden beams, but it was now barren and coated with dust. “I remember this. It’s so nice to see it all again! It brings back such good times…” She was just recalling the stage lights when she felt something in her hair, and her whole body felt cold and prickly. She shuddered and gasped, ducking away and swiping at her head.

“Woah, relax! It’s just me. I couldn’t help myself, you looked very pretty.” Tai had backed up as well, knocking over a can of spray paint and picking it up.

“No, it’s okay. I think.” When he got closer again, ENA let him. “And thank you, very much.”

“You’re welcome very much.” He said with a smile. “It’s hard to believe that no-one else sees just how nice you look. No-one can stop to appreciate that anymore, too busy with their meaningless lives.”

Oh, that thing again. She smoothed down her skirt to call attention to it.

“Yes, that too. And don’t bother with what Keya said, she’s a nutter, another one of those who doesn’t care about you. If she did, she would be here instead of me, doing this, wouldn’t she?” He reached out and touched ENA’s hand, and then her skirt. “See, this is what people do when they like you. No-one does it to Keya because no-one likes her, so what’s why she’s trying to stop it from happening to you. She’s just jealous. That’s why she hates you.”

“She doesn’t hate me!” She pushed away his grabby hands. Was this what the T was for? Was she supposed to be fighting Taikai, their friend and classmate? What if he hated her for using Khet on him? She didn’t want to start a fight out of nothing, either. She also didn’t want Robert or anyone else to be upset that she hurt someone who was being nice. He said that people do it when they like you, and that it hadn’t happened to Keya because she was often very combative.

Keya never grabbed her skirt.

Did Keya really hate her?

Taikai was doing it again, the thing with her hair. She stood still, not wanting to offend him when he was being kind. He was the only one that was kind, this way. He came closer. “No, _you_ don’t hate _her_. You don’t have the capacity for hate, you’re too nice for that. That’s what I like about you. You’re very sweet, not like her. Why do you think she tries to fight you so much?”

**_for the same reason you should bring out your khet here to be stronger_ **

“Stronger?”

He smiled down at her in a way that could be thought of as fond. “Yes, she is, which is why she shouldn’t be picking on people like you. You didn’t ask for any of this. That’s why I’m here to protect you.” He reached out to pull her into a hug, wrapping his arms all around her. She leaned into it, having never experienced before a hug that didn’t feel good.

She supposed there was a first time for everything.

He was grabbing her bottom, one hand going up the back of her skirt. “See, isn’t that much better?” He asked over her shoulder, and she didn’t have an answer, not that he waited for one. “Much better. Hm. Maybe there could be a much better place than here, something nicer.” He snapped his fingers, pulling back and letting go of her. “I’ve got it! The nurse’s room, they’ve got a bed. Everyone’s gone by now, anyway, it’s half past four. Let’s go, Ena! I’ve got something nice to show you!” Smiling brightly, he grabbed her hand again and hurriedly pulled her out of the room and back down the hall. “It’s no Coupé de Ville, but you take what you can get.”

“I should hope not, they never found that car.” She managed to get out as they ran up the stairs. A wild feeling stirred up inside her, and she was unsure of what it was. Adrenaline, supercharged by the feeling of the dangerous unknown creeping up just behind her, lurking maybe in the darkness of the basement, or even in the emptiness of the school’s hallways.

Taikai easily broke into the nurse’s station, entering with a smug grin and pulling off his backpack. “I actually brought some with me, though I wasn’t sure if we’d be doing it so soon…aha!” He pulled out a grey, plastic tube. He laughed, uncapping it and gesturing to the bed. “Go lay down, I’ll be right there. I’ve got to check if the coast is clear. The security guard shouldn’t be coming around inside anymore, and Dad doesn’t look for me when I’m gone.” He turned back to see her, closing the curtain to cover the door’s glass window.

“Taikai?” She asked, crossing her legs and looking out at the cave. Searchlights had come on and were scanning the area for trespassers. “How long are we going to be here?”

He came to stand next to the bed, smiling confidently all the while. “As long as we need, baby. I’ve been planning this for such a long time.” He chuckled, tilting his head back to look at the ceiling. ENA looked too. It was just a regular ceiling. “Ever since I first saw you, I’ve been infatuated. You’re just so…cute. I just want to eat you up!” He reached out and grabbed her cheek, and she smiled a little.

If they were playing, why did it feel so…tense?

“So, what are we- OH, OK! _HELLO, sir_ , this is a Wendall’s-!” She put up a hand and looked away. Tai had unzipped the front of his pants, pulling them down just past his waist. He did the same with his underwear and sat down on the bed next to her.

“You can look, it’s not that gross, is it? It’d be disappointing if you didn’t look. I looked at you, and I liked what I saw.” She didn’t stare, glancing down and up again. “Oh, come on. You can do better than that. Touch it, get used to it. Here, like this, just let me-” He grabbed her hand again, and she tried to pull away this time.

“I’d rather not-”

“And _I’d_ rather you did! Don’t insult me like this, I don’t do this for just anyone, you know! Remember, this is something that people do when they like you. I’m showing you that I like you! Look, the way it’s coming out, that’s a good thing, you’re doing good. Don’t think so low of yourself so often, okay? You’re a very special person, and I fell in love with you because I could tell that before we even met.”

“In love?” She asked, momentarily at a loss for better words. “In love? With me?” Her mind was tangled again. No thoughts, only feelings. “Why?”

He put an arm over her shoulders, squeezing one. “Here, let me show you.” He looked down at his lap. _It_ was the ugliest sight she’d ever laid her two eyes on. “That’s all, you get me really hard. So I haven’t got Chad’s dick, don’t give me that look! You’re not a ten either, at least to everyone else. It’s like the granted wish of Runas and I’m sharing the spoils, alright?” He reached out for the bottle again, uncapping it and squeezing out a transparent goop onto his palm. He slathered it onto _it_ before wiping his hand on the paper sheet covering the nurse’s bed. “Lay on your back and take your panties off. Not even all the way, just in case, like what I’m doing here. See this?” He gestured to himself.

ENA was hesitant. “I don’t know. I don’t like this.”

Taikai shrugged. “Fine, you can sit on it, more power to ya. We can really do it when we’re in a better setting. I’m pumped though, and I’m not going to leave tonight without having come inside you…hey, ah, how old are you?”

“Huh?” She tilted her head. How jarring, to make such a change in mood… was he trying to small-talk after showing her his private parts and asking her to do the same? “I’m seve- no, eighteen. My birthday was on the day of the goat.”

He smiled widely. “Happy belated birthday.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Now, come here. This stuff doesn’t have spermicide, but who gives a shit. I’ll pay if you need it. You seem to like kids, though, but I don’t feel up for that. I already gave you a baby anyway.” He said the last part under his breath, guiding ENA to sit on his lap. He grabbed at the hem of her underwear, pulling them down for her and ignoring the way she hung onto them.

The rest of it was shocking. For most of it she was entirely unaware and didn’t remember the details of what happened after he put _it_ inside of her. It was painful, and she stopped being mentally present after the first pinching got increasingly worse. It was like being out of her body, unable to feel or really tell what was going on. All she knew was that it hurt afterward, and he brought her to sneak out a window.

The last thing he said to her when they got off the school property was, “Hey, girl. If I let you go, would you tell anyone what happened here?”

**_no_ **

“No.”

He smiled and let her go. “Good, we’ll meet someplace nicer for the real deal. I’ve got some cash, you’ve got time, you’ll make it. Tell your Daddy that on Pâquerette, you’re going to a friend’s house to study for an exam. Tell your pretend wife if she bothers to ask. If she doesn’t, I don’t care. Secrecy is important, here. Remember that I’m doing this all because I love you, and some people believe that you don’t deserve that. If they see, they’ll take it away, so keep it to yourself. Got me?”

“I-indeed.”

* * *

On Cordeau, Merci came into her room ask if she was okay. He was dressed all in stripes; he was going to visit the school so he could practice a solo performance. While he was doing that, Papa was taking ENA and Moony to visit a company headquarters a couple hours out. He said that ENA could benefit from a bit of job shadowing and hands-on experience with running a business. With the way he looked concerned, she hadn’t been exactly jumping out of bed to get ready. “Are you feeling alright?”

“I’m fine.” She said and forced herself out from the covers and went to get dressed. She fished in the hamper for some clothes, having forgotten to do the laundry.

Merci went up to the hamper and reached in, pulling out a skirt. “Alright, this one?” He asked, and ENA nodded. It didn’t matter particularly to her. “Go into my room and get a shirt and socks that you like from the bureau, and I’ll get some spray for this. I don’t have any bras of course, so that’s on you, but I would at least smell good so that Hara doesn’t get after you. Moony either if you two are using this as a date.”

“Okay.” She said, leaving the room. She did as she was instructed, though she didn’t have a preference for picking out clothes and just grabbed the first shirt she saw, which ended with Merci taking her back into his room and giving a mini-lecture about how she should be careful about dressing in a way that looks good.

“You’re an adult woman now, people will be looking at you, so dress to be ready for it. You employers, the people at the factory, your wife. Don’t think that you can just throw on whatever just because you already scored in the relationship department, you still need to please the public.” She listened to him, once in a while giving a monosyllabic answer that pleased him before leaving the room with a better shirt, having learned nothing.

She was headed past the kitchen and into the sitting room to turn on the television when Mama caught her and proceeded to jump into ‘why aren’t you eating more?’

“I’m not hungry, Mama.” She said, waiting for her mother to leave.

Mama seemed a little cross, hearing that. “Well, I don’t think you’re eating enough, you’re never hungry anymore! At least come in and have some breakfast. You don’t even eat the links I make you, and you love links! Are you sick, is something wrong?”

She didn’t actually do it, but she felt like sighing and saying something that will finally get people off her back. “Nothing’s wrong. I’m not hungry. Thank you anyway.”

“Don’t give me that tone, young lady. I’m only worried about you. Here, I’ve made some toast, you can have some before you leave. Your Papa’s just about ready, and Munako called while you were sleeping.”

“Sorry. And thank you.” She said, tossing the remote to the side and getting up. She did everything she could to keep Mama’s attention away from the pile of toast. She sorted some papers, she organized the shelves, and chatted a little even. By the end of it, she was able to successfully leave the kitchen without being harped on about eating food she didn’t need.

It still hurt, down there. She had to be careful sitting down and getting up. It use to bleed a little, but that stopped by now.

The upside to today’s trip was that it would take her mind off the event. It haunted her, took all her attention. Being in school was like a nightmare and walking in through the front doors alone brought on a panic that she couldn’t settle until she got home. By that time, she was so tired from keeping herself in check that all she could do was pass out in bed until Mama called her down for supper.

It might have also been because of the gin, she’d been ignoring the lines sometimes if she felt bad enough, which left her little allowance for the next day, which made her shaky and moody and sick. That also took a toll on her grades and relationships at school. Keya, like always, was a nosey bitch and continued to pry into things she shouldn’t. So many questions from one person that couldn’t learn to keep her mouth shut. Maybe she’d understand if she had it happen to her. With the way she dressed, and with her being in Tai’s class, maybe it would, then ENA’d be the one harping on her about ‘Why are you being so cold? Why aren’t you paying attention? What world are you lost in this time?’

She wouldn’t go to school at all, just because of Taikai. The other day, he brought her into the bathroom and kissed her, the first ever time that someone other than her family did it. His big nose got in the way a lot, and it felt like the physical form of terror. “Don’t tell anyone what happened.” It was almost like his signoff. That, and “don’t forget that we meet on Pâquerette.” That was only in four days.

Four days of waiting, making excuses. She still hadn’t told Moony anything.

Moony was excellent at finding out things she shouldn’t, though.

For example, she discovered ENA’s drinking habits. She was not happy. “You’re drunk, I knew it! I mean, at first I thought it was just one of your weird moods, but now I get it! When we go to the falls, I don’t want to have you reeking of booze in the car!” She said this just last night, when they were over together. Mama had been concerned for ENA’s lack of studying and keeping up with homework, so she called Moony over to help her catch up. They were doing that, for a while, until Moony started to catch on that her wife had maybe dipped beyond her allowance and took from the bottle while she was in the other room asking Merci a question.

When Moony mentioned the falls, ENA felt herself cringe deeply. Moony planned for them to take a trip out to a water source, a place she thought would be fun and romantic, so they could spend some real time together.

She could hear Taikai’s voice in her head, now, “Tell her that you can’t go, you already made plans.”

“Deepest apologies, but there’s something I have to do this weekend that I forgot about.”

“Ena!” Moony looked really upset about it. ENA fought not to cry. “This was your idea! Why are you being like this?”

She rapidly backpedaled when hearing the sheer disappointment in her wife’s voice. “Excuse me, my apologies! It was just hard to make up my mind, I’ll be going as scheduled, and I’ll be as sober as the day I was hatched!”

“Look at me, Ena. I just want to know what’s going on. Is everything okay? You know you can tell me anything.”

Moony didn’t know what ‘everything’ really meant. If Moony knew that she had _done it_ with a guy… “It’s all okay, my darling wife! Just as the stars skate in the sky, so do I, pecan pie.”

Moony gave her a bewildered look. “Uh…okay. Whatever. Don’t forget that I’m here for you.” She kissed her on the cheek again, and this time, ENA was relieved that it wasn’t on the lips. If someone did that again, no matter who it was, the feeling alone would make her puke.

She went into the bathroom and slapped herself across the face. “Get a hold of yourself!” She said, feeling her inside friends starting to take back control. She had lost that the night she came home from the school. Everything she learned from Papa, all her skills, she no longer had any control over them. She didn’t even have control over herself.

She hit herself again. Again and again until it hurt too much. It was still there, a restless energy, a monster exploding from a useless body. She punched herself, her legs, the easiest target, but it didn’t do anything to release the ugly, frothing hatred that ate her like acid.

She was in the shopping mall, the last time she did this.

Her mind was in the shopping center, and she could hear the people talking to one another. She was crying, hoping that someone would hear it and stop her. She hurt herself and didn’t know why. She had to do anything to get it out, if she didn’t get it out, it would kill her. It would consume her like everything else in the world had started to, everything was falling apart, falling away, no recovery, no peace. All sounds, abrasive and horrendous to the ears, sights that she couldn’t bear seeing, and a mind all filled with panic and pain. She had to get it out, to put a feeling to a feeling, give it life so she could kill it and finally break free. Except it was her and she was her, which only left bruises on her knees and scratches on her skin. She can’t escape from her. Papa said it was a cancer, didn’t he? Papa said a lot of things about her.

Taikai grabbed her all over before lingering under her skirt. She had ignored it. She had closed her eyes and let it happen.

You must lose. All she’d ever done was lose. Why stop now? She was always destined to be a loser, it was her birthright. Papa should have had another child if he wanted someone great.

**_don’t bring that man into this this isn’t about him he made his choice now he has to deal with it you’re going to surpass him if you like it or not this is not a loss this is an exercise of strength and willpower_ **

“Mr. Nendono, help me!” She said and couldn’t tell where she was. Was she in the bad place, where bad people go after they die?

**_no, you’re alive you haven’t gotten there yet_ **

She grabbed around for anything, to hold something, to be held. Her head hurt, she was pulling at her hair. It didn’t matter what she had, or if it hurt, so long as she had something and was still alive. She didn’t want to die and go to the bad place, she wanted to live and see her Papa and Moony and Merci.

She was dying and there was no way out.

It stared with her alone. It ended with her in a place she didn’t recognize, but now there were people. There was a security man. _Dangerous Operations_ was written on his vest. He was a mechanical person, with a big upright body and arms that could grab and manipulate many things. Next to him was a thing in white, all white, with long, curly limbs. _Paramedic_ was printed on his white coat. “There, there, miss. Can you understand me?”

She nodded to say she did.

He smiled. “Do you know where you are?”

“No.”

He wasn’t so smiley here. “Do you know who you are?”

“Not really. I’m me, at least. I hurt a lot.”

“I can imagine, you were hurting yourself pretty badly. I’m going to need to bring you to the emergency room, I’ll stay here if you want. My friend here’s going to want to talk to you, too. Your family’s here, your brother called emergency for you. Do you want to talk to any of your family before we take you to the hospital?”

“I do.” She said and was distracted when the Dangerous Operations man put a blanket over her. It was warm and wrapped her up comfortably. “I do…”

“Thank you for your cooperation, Miss.” He turned to speak to someone else when he brought ENA out of the room she was in and onto a gurney, where she was belted down by thick, leather straps. “You can come in, Mr. An. Thank you, son, for calling. This is something that needs to be addressed at once.”

She heard a voice, unfamiliar. “You’re welcome, sir. She hasn’t done this in a while, but it’s not uncommon. It’s usually not this bad.”

“All the same, it’s good you called. Mr. An? Oh, nevermind. Come on miss, your brother and mother are here for you. You, Ma’am, do you want to ride in the ambulance with her?”

“はいはい！私の赤ちゃん、私のエナカイ！” Mama was sobbing.

“What’s wrong with Mama?” ENA asked. What happened to her, who did that? She’d kill whoever did it, being so cruel as to make her Mama cry.

Merci was standing above her while she was taken outside. Overhead, there was a tarp that shaded them from the sunlight. “She’s worried about you, Ena! What happened?”

“Best not to ask that just yet, son. Your sister’s not quite with us, yet.” Said the paramedic. “Stay here with your father – hey, you! Don’t come closer! You can see her at the hospital, we’ll be there shortly!”

Then, there came someone’s voice, not her family, but a voice she couldn’t neglect – “What happened here? I saw the ambulance go by, so I came over right away! Is she alright?”

More talking, but ENA didn’t stay to listen. The man over her was doing all kinds of poking, and when she was loaded into the back of the truck she was brought to, she assumed that she was a package to be shipped. She let herself close her eyes, assuming that she’d be in for the long haul. It satisfied her, to imagine that she was going to a faraway place, away from everyone and everything that hurt. It only took the worse possible scenario to find the best possible outcome, going from a world of fear and misery to a place where she would no longer be around to feel it.

“Miss, can you hear me? Miss? Blink if you can hear me. Miss? Miss?”

“もちろんできます！えなかい！私を見上げて！ママを見て！”

When she turned her head to say something, Mama wasn’t there anymore.

Papa was on the line. “Yes, I understand. We’ve had to cancel, my daughter’s in the hospital now. She’s had some kind of a fit and they’re evaluating her now. No, I don’t want to reschedule, I don’t know when she’ll be out. Oh, hold on- yes?” He asked somebody. ENA held still, wanting to listen in on their conversation, since it was about her, and she felt like she didn’t have a body anymore. What was the purpose of a body anyway, if she could live without one? Could everyone do this? If she just had her anatomies, she wouldn’t need her anatomy. It only caused trouble anyway.

“Are you busy, Mr. An?”

“No, sir, I was just getting off the call. Thank you for your time…yes, thank you.” His voice changed about here. “What is it?”

“I just wanted to speak to you about something important. You’re family’s not here, but I can fill them in, too. The thing is, we have reason to believe that your daughter has been-”

It was the word itself that did it, and she stopped listening then. She was tired.

She was going to sleep and deal with it later.

They’d solve it themselves.

Wait.

Baby. Someone mentioned a baby.

She had a baby at home.

She left the baby at home.

She didn’t know where she was and she had left the baby at home, probably alone.

She’d been raped and Papa knew and

and

Before her, there was a big, red, creature, whose long face ended with a pink nose and many yellow, pointy teeth. Two curly horns grew up from the top of their head, and they looked downright nasty with their big, wild eyes. They had long, dark hair, unaffected by the orange tongues of fire that licked their skinless, red body, a dress of flames to cover the exposed.

She was no-where, now.

When they spoke, they had a dozen voices, muttering synchronously. It was as if they would take turns having a main speaker, the rest following along in tandem. “It’s a pleasure to meet you."

"We are Akh."

"We came because your body, your soul and your heart are in danger significant enough that your Khet, your Ka, and your Ba cannot protect you.”

She smiled at the creature. “I haven’t seen such a good sight in so long. Have you ever been to a theater? An open garden for the mind…yes, blooming with the ideas of the brilliant, truly. We should visit the theater, Akh. What’s got me in danger? I don’t feel in danger.”

“We’ve soothed all your aches, for now."

"We’re here to protect you from further danger!"

"Would you like to attend the theater, in the meanwhile?”

It reached out a hand, a human hand.

She took it. “Why, of course! Why would I decline the chance to see a show? I have all the time in the world.”

* * *

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qSh2HswKn5Y&list=WL&index=25&t=2530s I listened to this while drawing, and thought I'd put it here, to set the mood for the last two chapters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.rainn.org/about-national-sexual-assault-telephone-hotline (Website providing a number and information about reporting sexual assault).
> 
> Chapter Summary - ENA goes on a date with Moony, and they bond together. The day is Doronic. The voice in ENA's head is talking to her more, it's a demanding voice, and insults her several times. Her Papa says it's her Ka (soul) and she has no control over it, but could if she practices exercising control. It makes comments throughout the chapter. Meanwhile, her male classmate Taikai speaks to her more often, and makes comments about the girls' uniform skirts, leading to ENA wearing the skirt without shorts underneath due to his insistence. It is implied that her baby doll is made for sexual purposes, but she neither understands this nor tells anyone. Taikai is implied to recognize the doll. Keya tries to inform ENA about protecting herself from being taken advantage of, but she doesn't understand what she means. After school, Taikai takes ENA down into the basement and touches her, ENA doesn't like it but doesn't protest. They go to the nurse's office where he coerces her into having sex with him. She expresses displeasure and hesitance, and doesn't like what he did, but again complies with his demands. She doesn't understand what happened, but knows it hurts. In subsequent days (Cordeau), she is more irritable, complains of pain and bleeding, and drinks more often. She ignores her baby doll and has trouble concentrating in school. At the end of the chapter, she goes through an episode of self-harming and is stopped by paramedics, who take her to the hospital. She is spoken to by Akh, a combination of all her souls, who rescues her and brings her to a happy place where she cannot be hurt. Enter ENA's world.


	9. The Delusional

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the time I was finished with page eleven my left eye was twitching and I never want to look at Medibang again
> 
> Source for Eleven's text - https://link.springer.com/content/pdf/10.1007/BF01046108.pdf
> 
> I'm going to take a break, come back and put some more explanations and 'fun facts' in, but for now, I'm tired. I hope you enjoyed this chapter! (I checked for spelling mistakes in the pictures and I can't make the will to fix it atm if I missed any, so please just pretend I knew how to spell)


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